Aha! Now I know what to do on my next date! Off to OKCupid!!
Well, to be fair, judging by some of the experiences some of the ladies here have posted, there are a lot of members of my gender who are guilty as charged. MOL had a shitty experience, learned a lesson, but was lucky (thankfully). How may other smooth-talking, seemingly nice-guy dipshits push things further? I can see why women are cautious - there is (unfortunate) precedent.
Would you rather we tell young girls that all guys are safe and have honorable intentions?
No, actually, but we have been told that it’s despicable to take precautions as though the opposite is true.
Yeah. I once had a date ask me if he could use my bathroom. I was pretty skeptical and was like “I know guys like to try to finagle their way into a woman’s apt using any lame excuse they can think of so he can try to get his penis involved with her somehow. You can use the bathroom, but no horse shit.” He promised he would just pee and get out, and he did. I still think his original plan was to try something, but unlike some folks, he was decent enough to get that no is no.
So in the future, if I have the option of sheltering a (seemingly) nice guy from a downpour, I’ll think twice about it, and if I choose to help a brother out, he stays in the lobby. He gets nowhere near my apt. A shame you can’t just do someone a solid.
Without them trying to “do” you a “solid” heh heh amirite
So what’s the root cause of the problems here?
Lack of self control/respect?
Sexual frustration?
Women who are offended by the term slut and other synonyms?
I feel like it might be a combination.
Men who refuse to listen and pay attention to the woman in front of them in favor of obeying Hollywood memes and internet myths.
Let me clarify my opinions on the matter a bit. No, I don’t blame MOL for any of this guy’s inappropriate behavior or put the onus on her. However, as the intelligent woman that she clearly is, she should already know that lots and lots of men out there lack whatever it is that would preclude them from seeking sex in wholly inappropriate contexts. Add to that the context of a late night, possible alcohol consumption and the easily willfully-misinterpreted action of being invited up to the woman’s apartment after a romantic date and this sounds like the script for a bad T.V. show.
Honestly, how is this even complicated?
MOL, on behalf of all clueless guys out there, I’d like to offer you my apologies. We’re really only dolts about the half the time. (The other half we’re imbeciles.) I could blame Hollywood, sit-coms, testosterone poisoning, the sea of macho bullshit we must swim through on a daily basis, or any number of plausible causes, but really, it’s just us. We’re hopeless.
nm
That said, I’m trying to remember the details, but once I took a woman to her door, and I really had to pee, very badly, and she wouldn’t let in me in her door even though she acknkowledged that, what with all I had been drinking, I should have a bursting bladder around now, and she totally bought that I was in pain from needing to relieve myself, but she just couldn’t allow me in her home on a first date under any circumstances, including my dying of uromytisis poisoning. I understood, and walked off to find a good place to pee, and found a pretty lousy one but any port in a storm…
So men are to blame entirely? I think that’s a big part of it but I also think there’s probably more to it.
For one, we are all a product of our times in some sense. I can imagine the guy in the OP is somewhat sexually frustrated. That doesn’t take make his actions excusable but we should consider the source of frustration.
Personally, I believe in complete autonomy of ones self. With that being said, prostitution should be legal. If this were the case, perhaps we would see less guys like the one MOL encountered. Now correct me if I’m wrong but I imagine that a large percentage of the people against prostitution are women. Namely, because they think they are “whores.”
Furthermore, why are those terms so offensive? I’m of the opinion that an insult is only effective if you believe it yourself deep down.
I’m about 5’4. If someone calls me a “midget”, I can basically shrug it off because I’m comfortable with who I am. Back in the day, junior/high school, that type of thing would piss me off.
So, in a way, maybe women should grow a thicker skin when it comes to their sexuality.
There’s more to it than meets the eye. Beautiful women have their pick. It’s easy for them to sit back and say men should do “this, this, and that.” At the same time, men desire sex deeply. More so than women.
Again, not defending the guy in the OP’s actions. That truly is the most despicable act out of any that I’ve mentioned. All I’m saying is their needs to be some give and take.
Also, there’s probably a lot of things I missed.
A couple of things- first, in hindsight, it was kind of a bad idea to let the guy know where you live early on. How well did you know the guy? The guy was a sleaze, no mistake. You let him in because you felt bad it was raining, understandable. Unfortunately you kind of put yourself in a situation where your own safety fell below this sleazebag’s own comfort. I’ve been on dates where I offered the date a ride back to their place (no ulterior motive, just helpfulness) and they declined, possibly because they didnt know me well enough to feel safe in my car/knowing where I live. We had a 600+ reply post I started debating the man’s ego/comfort vs the woman’s safety. I’m not offended if on the first date my date doesn’t want me knowing exactly where she lives, the layout of her furniture, etc.
Gavin Di Becker talks about Date Stalking in The Gift of Fear. Unfortunately for women any little concession they make will just embolden a guy like this. To address why guys act so annoying, its because they themselves misinterpret how to “win over” someone they like. They see depictions of guys acting persistent with a woman and think that’s the way to go.
No: this one man is to blame entirely.
No, we shouldn’t. We’ve all been sexually frustrated at one time or another. That has jack shit to do with whether we should act like the asshole in the OP acted.
I feel like the Non Sequitur Society of America (“We may not make sense, but we sure do like pizza”) might just have their new slogan. Seriously, who gives a shit about this guy’s frustration? It’s no excuse.
What, specifically, needs to be given? What needs to be taken?
From where I stand, this guy needs to be given a good kick in the ass, and you need to take that weaksauce empathy for his sexual frustration out of here.
panaccione, are you under the impression that men are the only ones who get sexually frustrated, or are they the only ones that engage in behavior that stems from frustration, which we should then apologize for because it’s a result of sexual frustration?
Left Hand of Dorkness, I agree with you. That guy does need a swift kick in the ass for his actions. Sexual frustration is no excuse. However, I don’t think you’re going to get very far with that attitude alone.
To me, it sounds like the link between “Poverty and Crime.” People like to say, “we need to cut welfare and those bums need to find a job.” Then when they can’t, they act suprised when they see all the robberies.
People have needs and let’s face it, not everyone has great morals. So we can either address those needs as best we can, or we can hope things just fix themselves.
I say prostitution is a viable solution, and you call it a non-sequitor. Perhaps, it’s just a difference of opinion. But, please if you’re going to criticize my views, at least offer solutions of your own.
LHoD said it better than I can and with more class, but I’m more concerned with MOL’s sexual frustration. I mean, she connected with this guy early on, but things fizzled and she had to get rid of a persistent, clueless turkey and find another sexual outlet. MeanOldLady, I don’t know why that guy didn’t stay Awesome or call in a friend who was better and more exciting to fill in. How inconsiderate of your sexual needs!
This is patently false.
Say you’re sorry for possessing a vagina!!
No.