Rather hard to sing
when you’ve got a pineapple
rammed into your mouth.
Rummed into your mouth,
Limed and sugar syruped, too.
Ah, a daiquiri.
Ah, a daiquiri!
JFK liked them, I’ve read;
years since I’ve had one.
Years since I’ve had one…
Mostly I have nine or ten !
Yes, it’s an old joke.
Yes, it’s an old joke
and far from improved with age,
unlike a fine wine
Unlike a fine wine
My Mountain Dew bottle comes
With a screw-on cap
With a screw-on cap,
This New Zealand Syrah sells
For five hundred bucks.
For five hundred bucks
I could pay this one large bill
Or some smaller ones.
Or some smaller ones
(They say size doesn’t matter,
but they’re all lying).
But they’re all lying!
I’m innocent, I tell you!
Don’t listen to them.
Don’t listen to them.
Those birds in the bushes creak.
They’re scaring my dog.
They’re scaring my dog
When they wear those creepy masks
Just like Scooby Doo
Just like Scooby Doo
I will yell “G-g-g-ghosts!”
And run to the fridge
And run to the fridge,
then the shore, then back again.
Whew, I’m exhausted!
Whew, I’m exhausted!
I just spent hours changing my
Tailpipe and muffler
Tailpipe and muffler -
Or should I say scarf - a good
Pair for cold repairs.
Pair for cold repairs
with your spouse or sweetheart, please;
Oh, how romantic!
Oh, how romantic!
She laid roses on our bed
Ouch! thorns included
Ouch! Thorns included.
Gotta be careful of those;
not good for sleeping.
No good four-sleeping,
Even in a queen-sized bed.
Just not enough room.