It’s probably you
Who ate the last pizza slice.
I’m watching you now.
I’m watching you now
just like in that Police song
Sting is a big creep
Sting is a big creep
If he doesn’t straighten up
I’ll call the police
I’ll call the police
and report dog-munching here,
just like Springfield - NOT!
Just like Springfield. Not
The city in the news, but
Home of the Simpsons
Home of the Simpsons
Jessica’s from Abilene
James Young’s from Bathgate
James Young’s from Bathgate
He wanted to be born there
to be near his mum.
To be near his mum
He had to push aside his
Tulips and orchids
Tulips and orchids
Are nice, but not a few of
My favorite things.
My favorite things:
“MAGA stuff”, I told my wife
And we laughed and laughed
And we laughed and laughed
until we both remembered:
Blawnox awaits us.
Blawnox awaits us
After we die. I don’t like
This new cult we joined.
This new cult we joined
bans sexual intercourse;
now I wanna quit!
Now I wanna quit
Drinking, I said, as I woke
Up in the bathtub
Up in the bathtub
I found a cat crouched on top
Of a frightened mouse.
(True story. She was trying to hide the mouse from me, because she knew I’d take it from her.)
Of a frightened mouse
Robert Burns composed an ode
Better than this one.
Better than this one
Is the one back at my place.
Want to check it out?
Want to check it out?
It’s my one-eyed monster, my
Halloween mask
Halloween mask on
And fully costumed, I will
Open the door – Shriek!
(How are you pronouncing “halloween”? I can’t get more than three syllables out of it.)
whoops, I wanted to say “My Halloween mask” for the final line but then I bumped “my” up to the second line to get 7 syllables and didn’t make the third line 5. Robert Frost I am not.
Open the door - Shriek!
Weirdo JD Vance is here
And he want your pets