Haiku Madness Part Deux

I’ll get cut off half-
-way down the damn exit ramp.
Happens every time

Happens every time
I write a top-notch poem
Somebody posts before me.

Somebody posts be-
-atitudily
And my depression lightens

And my depression
Lightens when people’s haiku
Are five, seven, five.

Are five, seven, five
As inflexibilities
Not a Western thing?

Not a Western thing
Or an Eastern; we unite
On cute dog photos.

On cute dog photos
Even Trump and Biden folks
Backslap each other

Backslap each other,
Slap! Slap! Slap! While embracing
Awkwardly. Man hug.

Awkwardly man-hug
The next police officer
You see. Report back!

You see report back
Deep happy happy joy-joy
Swallow snow pretzel

Swallow snow pretzel
Brain freeze becomes imminent
Alas, my poor head!

Alas, my poor head!
Proofreading many pages
Zoning revisions.

Zoning revisions
Now a road runs through my house
And I need six pints

And I need six pints
five pints is one less than six
and seven makes me smile

Seven makes me smile
When I see it on the dice:
I’m quite good at craps.

“I’m quite good at craps,”
I said, right before losing
Everything I owned

Everything I owned
I took with me on the ship
Towel and a Guide

“Towel and a Guide”
Said Arthur Prefect smugly,
“That’s all you can trust.”

That’s all you can trust
Mom, Apple Pie, and Baseball
All else Fallible

“All else fallible”
Slurred a drunken Santa Clause
As toys broke, kids cried