Haiku Madness Part Deux

Hairy conditions.
5-7-5 tangled up.
Hey! We’re over here!

Hey! We’re over here!
Nine syllable middle line?
Thick full beards indeed

Thick full beards indeed
Make those boys who can grow them
Look like adult men.

Look like adult men:
Grow a beard like ZZ Top.
Calvin’s gonna try.

Calvin’s gonna try
To become President in
1923

1923
New Leader after Hoover
Always keeping cool

Always keeping cool
But Cal after Herb? Please check
Your history book

Your history book
Is steeped in the bias of
Forward moving time.

Forward moving time
Is followed by bathing time
Then lying down time

Then lying down time
Hoover instead of Harding
Old brain was confused

Old brain was confused
I tried to say “Pass the juice”
But said “Shut up, jerk”

But said “shut up, jerk”
To the soda guy. Thought I
Was being funny

Was being funny
Only within my own head.
Others glared at me.

Others glared at me
When I said to the Queen, “you
seeing anyone?”

seeing anyone?
cannot see you at all now
Forgot my Glasses.

Forgot my glasses
We all had to drink our beer
Out of the bottle

Out of the bottle
The genie gave me wishes
Wish I had wishes

Wish I had wishes
Hope I had hopes. But dreams? Those
I can do without

I can do without
Coffee in the morning, but
Not milk for breakfast.

Not milk for breakfast
Not even lunch or dinner
All the cows went home