Haiku Madness Part Deux

All the cows went home
And then all the cows went Moo!
All the bulls came home

All the Bulls came home
And each relieved his bowels
Ain’t that some bullshit?

Ain’t that some bullshit?
Karen Carpenter used to
Swear like a sailor.

Swear like a sailor,
Make love like a gigolo,
Pray like a madman.

Pray like a madman:
No IBS flare-ups on
Our nine hour car trip.

Our nine hour car trip
Had continuous soundtrack:
Mew. Mew. Mew. MEOW.

Mew. Mew. Mew. MEOW.
No! That cat food commercial?
Malcolm wrote that, right?

[I could only find it in Spanish, but you’ll get the gist.]

Malcolm wrote that, right?
That X right after his name?
Odd choice of surname

Odd choice of surname -
Arnold Dorsey told us to
Call him Humperdinck.

Call him Humperdinck,
Her, “Buttercup,” the mawwiage
Wasn’t meant to be.

Wasn’t meant to be
An NBA star, I guess
I’m only 5-9

I’m only 5-9
He said. She thought, I’m 5-2.
Why’d he say “only”?

Why’d he say only
The lonely know how he feels?
That Roy Orbison!

That Roy Orbison
Punched out Johnny Cash over
Who’s the Man in Black.

Who’s the Man in Black?
'Tis the Dread Pirate Roberts!
Some say it’s Wesley.

Some say it’s Wesley.
Who is Picard’s only son
He crushed Bev Crusher

He crushed Bev Crusher
And he barked at Bob Barker
I wonder who’s next?

I wonder who’s next?
Jim Carrey for President?
Who’s the bigger clown?

Who’s the bigger clown?
Is it Fezzik the Giant
Or Emmett Kelly?

OR: “Emmett Kelly
Died from penile exhaustion -
It’s ‘Weary Willy’.”

Seriously, it’s hard to start a sentence with “or”