Wonderful husband
How I describe me to wife
She agrees sometimes
She agrees sometimes
but other times? not so much
so I’ll keep trying
So I’ll keep trying,
Even though “Trying” is the
First step to “Failure”
First step to failure
Is overconfidence that
You deserve it all.
“You deserve it all,”
the Queen said while knighting me
Yeah, that’s the ticket!
Yeah, that’s the ticket
The traffic cop issued me.
Now I speed no more.
-“BB”-
Now I speed no more
two broken legs have really
slowed me down, y’know?
Slowed me down, y’know
that sand you put in the tank.
DON’T DO IT AGAIN.
Don’t do it again
unless I ask you to, 'k?
And even then… don’t.
And…even! Then don’t
Ever again claim I can’t
Divide up a pie
Divide up a pie,
bisect a cake, halve a tart:
I know you got this!
I know you got this!
Said my COVID swabber as
I coughed in her face
I coughed in her face
and spat on her shoes; of course
she punched me real hard
She punched me real hard.
She would have punched me again,
but that would cost more.
But that would cost more
Than I paid for my first house
I said at the pump
I said, “At the pump
Is no place to be fiddling
With cash; use your card.”
“With cash, use your card
or just steal the damn thing, pal,”
the felon told me.
The felon told me
Keep an eye out for the fuzz
So I shaved my 'stache
So I shaved my 'stache
But God kept putting it back.
Can’t beat the big guy.
-“BB”-
Can’t beat the big guy -
that’s what the smart money said.
Then they saw my sling.