You’ll have baited breath
and no friends whatsoever
that’s just how it is
That’s just how it is
If not then what have you got?
It is what is not.
It is what is not
But it wasn’t what it ain’t
You following me?
You following me?
If so, you’re creeping me out.
Please just go away.
Please go away
You make me itchy-pitchy
Oh you friggin creep.
Oh, you friggin creep
Through my house like a ninja
But I know you’re there
But I know you’re there,
even though i can’t see you.
It’s because you stink.
It’s because you stink
That, and because your mother
Dresses you funny
Dresses? You funny.
Most folks I know are surprised
That I own one dress.
That I own one dress
Ain’t no business to all you
Nosy MF’ers.
Nosy MF’ers:
Streisand, Hoffman, Bob Hope, and
Jimmy Durante
Jimmy Durante
and ol’ Mrs. Calabash
clearly had a thing
Clearly had a thing
For me, my high school teacher
Promised me an F
Promised me an F
So I told everybody
That F must mean “Fine”.
That F must mean “Fine”
but i guess there is a chance
it really means “Funk”
It really means funk
Even if Herbie Hancock
Tried to do a waltz.
Tried to do a waltz
But my legs are 4/4 time
Was kicked off Soul Train
Was kicked off Soul Train
damn those funky railroad bulls
how I hate them so
How I hate them, so
I see them as children and
I can forgive them
I can forgive them
For drinking all my beer, but
Hands off my Twinkies!