Haiku Madness

“None of the above”:
appealing election choice;
throw all the bums out!

“Throw all the bums out!”
Bring in a new crop of pols,
Then boot them next time.

Then boot them next time
Or shoo them out the doorway
No flip-flops allowed

No flip-flops allowed
In the fancy restaurant
Even if you’re hot.

Even if you’re hot
You cannot take your clothes off
In public. Dammit!

In public, “Dammit!”
is offensive to some folks,
so say, “Gosh darnit!”

So say “gosh darnit”
“Golly gee,” or “holy cow”
You f-ing shit mouth

“You f-ing shit mouth,”
said a shocked Queen to her son,
“do eschew cursing!”

Do eschew cursing
But for fuck’s sake don’t eschew
With your mouth open

With your mouth open,
You can make many mistakes.
Best leave that trap shut.

Best leave that trap shut
'Cuz if you step in it, pow!
Bear trap on the leg

Bear trap on the leg
Ferret traps on both my hands
Damn, that really hurts!

Damn, that really hurts!
I’m doubling over in pain.
Kicked hard in the groin.

Kicked hard in the groin.
Makes me think of The Simpsons.
Football in groin. HA!

Football in groin. HA!
Funny when seen; not funny
when experienced

When experienced
apply for job of your dreams
career fulfillment

career fulfillment
what we all hope to achieve
but few of us get

But few of us get
attacked by a mutant squid
We are so lucky

We are so lucky
no mutant squids in my town
well, at least not yet

Well, at least not yet –
Though you have some problems with
The zebra mussels