Haiku Madness

Maybe 42
Is the ultimate answer
Just not in base 10.

Maybe 42
The answer to universe,
life, and everything

dangit!

Just not base 10
Is now on my calendar
It’s now Septober

It’s now Septober
in some bizarre universe
ruled under base 10

Ruled under base 10:
All your base belong to us!
(English? Don’t need it.)

English? Don’t need it.
Elvish, Klingon, Westron, Hmong
are much easier.

Are much easier
things to handle with my new
EZ Handler!

(Perhaps it’s a pronounciation thing, but I say “EZ Handler” with 4 syllables…)

EZ Handler
was the college nickname of
E!'s Chelsea Handler

E!'s Chelsea Handler
She’s still a turn-on though she’d
Cut me down to size

Me, too.

“Cut me down to size?”
Paul Bunyan bellowed, “I’d sure
like to see you try!”

After a long, internal debate, I somehow managed to convince myself to pronounce it Hand-El-Er.

Like to see you try
The bean, egg, brocc’li taco
It is a real gas

It is a real gas
not a fake or faux petrol
wholly authentic

wholly authentic
As Seinfeld’s Sidra might say:
Real Spectacular.

“Real Spectacular”
I sighed and looked at her chest
Doc sewed her up well

Doc sewed her up well
Grumpy helped with surgery
Sneezy stayed away

Sneezy stayed away
too busy with his Kleenex
post-nasal drip - ugh!

Post-nasal drip - ugh!
Looks like candy but it’s snot
Don’t eat your boogers

Don’t eat your boogers
You might want to snort them, though
If you’ve done some blow.

If you’ve done some blow,
You’ve probably done some suck
Yay for prostitutes!

Yay for prostitutes
If you want to buy sex, they
Do a bang up job

Do a bang up job
At the fireworks store, and your
Career skyrockets!