Haiku Madness

Falling from the sky
People jumping from the tower
9/11 hell.

9/11 hell
Explosions came from within
A conspiracy

A conspiracy
Hot sexy blondes won’t date me
dumb, stuck up bitches

dumb, stuck up bitches
they showed zero interest in
my sweet armpit farts

My sweet armpit farts
Bring a tear to people’s eyes
Much like my butt farts

Much like my butt farts,
So fart my thumb and earlobe.
I have weird fart parts.

I have weird fart parts
They sound like a symphony
And smell like roses

And smell like roses
So let’s stop and smell my farts.
It will make my day.

It will make my day
If we could move on from farts;
No more fart Haikus!

No more fart haikus
Can I do any better?
Nope–Pull my finger

Nope – pull my finger
and it comes completely off.
I am a leper.

I am a leper
Butt of so many lame jokes
Please no more nachos

Please no more nachos
Or hot wings or onion rings
Bar food, it calls me*

  • Or should I have done “bar food makes me fart?”

Bar food, it calls me
But if I eat too much grub,
It becomes barf food

Ah, what highbrows we are…

It becomes barf food
When I eat a ton of Spam
then get punched in gut

Then get punched in gut,
smacked on head, and kicked in knee.
You just lost a fight.

You just lost a fight.
But you were at Fight Club, so
Don’t talk about it

Don’t talk about it
That’s never happened before
I’ll clean up the stain

I’ll clean up the stain
d-glass if you sweep the pews
and dust the altar

And dust the altar
For prints, they left photos all
over the altar