Haiku Madness

He mistreated dogs
He slathered ketchup freely
And held the mustard

And held the mustard
in his guts where it had turned
to unfathomable squit

To Unfathomable Squit:
When choosing a Doper name,
Count the syllables!

Count the syllables
sometimes people are confused
numbers can be hard

numbers can be hard
And when they are really hard
numbers make me numb

Numbers made me numb,
no money makes me a bum,
whiskey makes me dumb.

whiskey makes me dumb
heroin makes me dumber
spankings make me smart

Spankings make me smart,
So for the sake of my brain,
Whip it! Whip it good!

Whip it! Whip it good!
When a problem comes along
Try to detect it

Try to detect it
It’s hiding in plain sight – it’s
The Purloined Letter

The purloined letter
is, I believe, W
said Oodrow Ilson

Said Oodro(w) Ilson
“That letter is not purloined -
just segregated.”

Just segregated
Woodrow Wilson would be proud
what a racist jerk

What a racist jerk!
He likes the Oreo cream,
But hates the cookies!

But hates the cookies!
Always deleting them from
internet options.

Internet options
Watch porn, buy crap, or read jokes
I guess I’ll watch porn

I guess I’ll watch porn –
Wow, these lesbians are hot!
Oops, here comes my boss…

Oops, here comes my boss…
“Shakin’ here Boss, still shakin’…”
I’m a real cool hand.

I’m a real cool hand
failure to communicate
is not what we’ve got

It’s not what we’ve got
Therefore it’s what we don’t have.
False dichotomy.