Haiku Madness

Kid owed me money
Yes, I want my two dollars!
But he never paid

But he never paid
He walked out then ran away
The damn idiot

The damn idiot
Confusing they’re, there, and their
At least he got your

At least he got your
Order right, but he was rude
He deserves no tip

He deserves no tip
The service was truly bad
Let’s go somewhere else

Let’s go somewhere else.
Down at Joe’s, they have reefer,
pretty girls and jazz.

Pretty girls and jazz,
Hot sex, drugs, and rock-n-roll.
Or, a quiet night.

“Or, a quiet night.”
‘Or’ must come after ‘either.’
Wonder what it was.

Wonder what it was
That pushed your button this time?
I like poking it.

“I like poking it”
Is not what I want to hear
Here, or anywhere

Here, or anywhere
Else there’s Internet service,
We can play this game.

We can play this game
Global therm’nuclear war
It beats tic-tac-toe

It beats tic-tac-toe
When we play the game Twister
We play against Death.

We play against Death
But we eventually
We will lose that game

We will lose that game
so counterintuitive
It is a fools game.

It is a fools game;
No Jeopardy champs would go
On Wheel of Fortune.

On Wheel of Fortune
The lovely Miss Vanna walks
So graceful, she is

So graceful, she is
and smart and pretty. Why won’t
she go out with me.

She go out with me
Will she or won’t she? Who knows?
I want her so bad

I want her so bad
I will put her on “the list
Then wife will say yes