That’s right, I dread locks,
hate keys, and detest bars, but
I like whips and chains
I like whips and chains,
Which raises some eyebrows when
Santa reads my list.
Santa reads my list,
Calls the elves over, laughing:
“Keep wishing, asshole!”
“Keep wishing, asshole.”
Constipation is a bitch.
I wish I could go.
I wish I could go
home and spent time with my wife
but it’s Monday: work.
But it’s Monday. Work!
Why aren’t I rich instead of
so damn good-lookin’?
So damn good lookin’
A great sense of humor, too
That’s me in my dreams
That’s me in my dreams:
Horns, bat wings and cloven hooves.
Hope you guessed my name.
Hope you guessed my name,
But what’s puzzling you is the
Nature of my game.
Nature of my game.
Let’s spend the night together
Talking about you
Talking about you
is not all that fun. I would
rather be kissing you.
rather be kissing
you, which has six syllables.
Not good for haiku.
Not good for haiku:
double dactyls, triolets,
naughty limericks.
naughty limericks
the very best of which are
based in Nantucket
Based in Nantucket
The man with the huge penis
Weighs screwing his ear
Weighs screwing his ear.
Whoops! That’s a bad translation.
Weighs screw in his ear.
Weighs screw: in his ear
He calculates its ounces,
His eye smells its taste.
His eye smells - its taste -
a tremored mask of houseflies
hum then fall away
hum then fall away
And if that plan doesn’t work
Fall away humming.
Fall away humming?
Sounds like you forgot the words:
“Oh Say, Can You See…”