Brown bag’s on her head,
Slowly she breathes in and out,
Asthma attacks fast.
Asthma attacks fast
Just one look at her and it
Will leave you breathless
Will leave you breathless
I will be watching you with
Every breath you take.
Ev’ry breath you take
is one single breath closer
to Christmas morning!
To Christmas morning!
I can get up when I want
to and eat cookies!
To, and eat cookies?
The cookie monster will ask,
“Will you pass the milk?”
Will you pass the milk?
You’ve been sitting there lump-like
For a quarter-hour!
For a quarter-hour
The horse* at the quarter turn
Stared at the quarter
*(It was a quarter horse)
Stared at the quarter,
I did, then fed it into
a one-armed bandit
A one-armed bandit
robb’d me and my lady fair:
he even took her!
He even took her
hand when he kissed her, but he
Had garlic for lunch
had garlic for lunch
it wasn’t the best idea
my coworkers say
My coworkers say,
“Get a real job, you fool!”
I’ll go back to sleep.
I’ll go back to sleep.
Ain’t nothing to wake up for
Damn! I have to pee!
Damn! I have to pee!
Wife says, “Pull the car over.
That’s what trees are for.”
That’s what trees are for:
Shade, apples, nuts, and sometimes
A star goes on top.
A star goes on top
We we shoved Ben Affleck’s rear
On the Christmas Tree
On the Christmas tree
I always put some tinsel
the cat loves that stuff
The cat loves THAT stuff!
Now she won’t eat regular
cat food from the bag.
Cat food from the bag:
The new Republican plan
Instead of food stamps