Haiku Madness

Ouch! Son of a bitch!
Last time I use toilet brush
Instead of paper

Instead of paper
why not cunieform tablets?
Sumeria rulz!

Sumeria rulz!
They didn’t shove tubes up butts
Colonoscopy

Colonoscopy
Monday here we go again
I need better job

I need better job,
bigger house, much more money
And some “a’s” and “the’s”

And some “a’s” and “the’s”
These are unused articles
Send them to Goodwill

Send them to Goodwill
Send them to craigslist as well
Lots of great stuff there

Lots of great stuff there
On the craig’s list, you can get
Rugs, old toys, and sex

Rugs, old toys, and sex?
I think you can also get
Old rugs and sex toys

Old rugs and sex toys
2 things you should never beat
Unless you’re dirty.

Unless you’re dirty
You won’t want me to clean you
The way a cat would

the way a cat would
react when he’s embarrassed?
Not be embarrassed.

Not be embarrassed?
Twain said cats and dogs are not;
only people are.

Only people are
Embarrassed, or need to be
(aforementioned Twain)

Aforementioned Twain
Said much, but lots of “his” quotes
Never left his mouth

Never left his mouth
His tongue did; it was always
Firmly in his cheek

Firmly in his cheek
was a plug of tobacco
Cancer chewed him up

cancer chewed him up
then, of course, it spit him out
he did not taste good

He did not taste good,
but a heart attack killed Twain,
not cancer, you know.

not cancer, you know
born with Halley’s Comet, and
He died with it, too.