Oops! And I could have said “Apathy’s the way to peace” 
I tried duct taping three fingers, but it affected my typing.
Four months 'til Christmas.
Oh, why did you remind me?
Now I’m panicking.
Now I’m panicking
Because I’ve taped three fingers
So I cannot count 
So I cannot count
The ways to leave your lover
I’ll guess 49
I’ll guess forty-nine
Is the max eggs one can eat…
Hey, Paul ate fifty!!!
Hey, Paul ate fifty!!!
(pause) I am struck dumb by the
possibilities.
Possibilities,
Endless possibilities…
Meh, I’ll stick with beer.
Meh, I’ll stick with beer.
Beer? With fifty eggs on top?
Gas mask alert! PHEW!
Gas mask alert! PHEW!
What we have is a failure
to fully aerate.
To fully aerate,
One needs burritos with beer!
Stand clear! (and, upwind!)
Stand clear! (and, upwind!)
I’m gonna spit, even though
Croce says not to
Croce says not to
Mess around with Jim. Then there’s
Bad, Bad, Leroy Brown
Bad, Bad Leroy Brown
called the operator; put
on hold a long time.
on hold a long time
then disconnected. Jesus
this sex line’s a scam
this sex line’s a scam
y = mx + b
learn geometry
Learn geometry,
or go off on a tangent
and throw us a curve.
and throw us a curve
is what I said to him, but
he threw a fastball
he threw a fastball
right at my gonads, he did
wish I could charge mound
wish I could charge mound
but I can’t, so I guess I
will go for a walk
Will go for a walk
from parking lot to Wal-Mart.
Grocery Store Blues
Grocery Store Blues
Mah Coooupons Ain’t Dou-bl-ing
Gotta paaay full price!