Haiku Madness

8-track tape cassettes
just sitting in my basement.
The player won’t play.

The player won’t play
He’s wandering the outfield
Hunting Pokémon

Foul, by the way.
mmm

"Hunting Pokémon
Aggravated time wasting
I find you guilty!

I find you guilty!
Such an unspeakable crime.
You should be ashamed.

You should be ashamed
Your mindless border crossing
Playing Pokémon!

(Oops)

Playing Pokémon
How dumb! (as I sign up for
fantasy football)

Fantasy football
Is what the 49ers
Should probably try
because they can’t play the real game, not lately, and not likely…

Should probably try
To not eat pizza today.
Gotta lose some weight.

Gotta lose some weight
I dropped forty so far. Good!
Gotta keep it up.

Gotta keep it up
But can I keep them all down?
Too many oysters

Too many oysters
Are better than many pearls
To many oysters

To many oysters
The phrase “Happy as a Clam”
Smacks of racism.

Smacks of racism
Makes me think of Mark Fuhrman
Talking 'bout OJ

Talking 'bout OJ
He’s a little stuck, out in
Lovelock, Nevada

Lovelock Nevada
Intercourse, Pennsylvania
Protection, Kansas
Hey, I’m from VA. We say Pencil-vay-nya

Protection, Kansas
Braggadocio, M’ssouri
Liberal, Kansas

Liberal, Kansas
Peculiar, Missouri
Boring, Oregon

Boring Oregon,
I packed my vacation slides
And went to Kansas

And went to Kansas
With a banjo in my knee
Oh no! Susanna…