Haiku Madness

I’ll take Boston’s 1st.
Coconut is 2nd, then
banana cream pie.

Banana cream pie,
My second favorite pie.
Coconut cream rules.

Coconut cream rules:
No artificial flavors
Crust must be from scratch

Crust must be from scratch
The mantle lies much deeperbelow ground
The core is quite hot

The core is quite hot
Never again will I bake
Apples in a kiln

Apples in a kiln
Boiled to evaporation
Apples no longer

Apples no longer
My favorite fruit to eat
Got a bite of worm

Got a bite of worm,
Jiggling, wiggling down my throat.
Ah, no pesticides!

Ah, no pesticides!
I like to share my fruit with
Ants and worms and grubs

Ants and worms and grubs -
Is that what you put in your
famous Shoo-fly pie?

famous Shoo-fly pie
made with real shoes and real flies
a treat for the buds
Note: I have found no consensus on the number of syllables in ‘real’; I think it’s one.

a treat for the buds
Rosebuds, taste buds, Budweiser?
I like the three frogs.

I like the three frogs
Or at least I like their legs
Six frog legs for lunch

Six frog legs for lunch.
Or hide them in a closet
So Mom can’t find them.

So Mom can’t find them
I hid my Coors in the shed
Got some drunk raccoons

Got some drunk raccoons
We’ll stay up late, watch TV
And play farting games

And play farting games
With the Bush brothers, you know
The baked beans people

The baked beans people
In Boston, in New England,
Eat bread from a can.

(For those of you who haven’t heard of this: B&M Brown Bread in a Can | Classic New England Brands)

Eat bread from a can,
But don’t eat the can, unless
You’re a cartoon goat.

You’re a cartoon goat?
That’s much better than being
A cartoon goatse.