Haiku Madness

Island, it’s a state
What is “Hawaii”, Alex?
That was a gimme

That was a gimme
Gimme Gimme Gimme A
Man After Midnight.

Man after midnight.
Daytime I pee sitting down.
I’m diurinal.

I’m diurinal
I have two penises and
A very wide stance

A very wide stance
Is helpful in baseball to
Get whacked in the nuts.

Get whacked in the nuts?
While swinging a baseball bat?
Time to charge the mound!

Time to charge the mound!
Not the best phrase to utter
On your wedding night

On your wedding night
Don’t bring a novel to bed
Don’t expect to read

Don’t expect to read
About my Nobel, cuz I
Demand privacy

Demand privacy
When texting your paramour
Spouses get pissy.

Spouses get pissy.
Unless they don’t. Then you go
Hire Russian hookers.

Hire Russian hookers.
My living room needs a nice,
New Russian throw rug.

New Russian throw rug
New Canadian throw beer
Crazy new neighbors

Crazy new neighbors?
Blame it on your landlord and
C-I-L-L him.

C-I-L-L him
when I find him; he’s R-U-
N-N-O-F-T

N-N-O-F-T
If you got something to say
Say It! Don’t spell it!

Say It! Don’t spell it!
And for god’s sake, don’t spray it!
Kid rule number one

Kid rule number one:
never walk when you can run.
Kid rule number two:

Kid rule number two:
Whoever smelt it dealt it.
Kid rule number three:

Kid rule number three:
Trust no one over seven.
Kid rule number four: