When you’re being bad
I won’t give you some cheddar
Bad girls don’t get cheese
Bad girls don’t get cheese
But some guys allow them to
Eat crackers in bed.
Eat crackers in bed
In the garage, on the shitter
So says Mr. Ritz
So says Mr. Ritz
You should be puttin’ me on.
Channel Peter Boyle.
Six syllables to start, but what the hell…
Channel Peter Boyle?
Not part of Basic Cable,
and thank God for that.
and thank God for that
this ham and cheddar that I’m
puttin’ on the Ritz
Puttin’ on the Ritz
The best thing on a cracker?
Pudding on a ritz
Pudding on a Ritz
gay cowboys in Manhattan
next big indie hit.
Next big indie hit
Run Lola Run, featuring
The Kinks & Franka
The Kinks and Franka
walk into a bar and say
“Do you serve crabs here?”
“Do you serve crabs here?”
“Yes, and jackasses as well.”
“Table for two, then.”
“Table for two, then,”
I said, but Keira whispered
to me, “Let’s go home.”
To me, let’s go home
Means that she is pissed at me
Long, silent car ride.
Long, silent car ride.
Better than an argument
Across three time zones.
Across three time zones
I haven’t traveled with her,
but no, she’s not pissed.
But no, she’s not pissed
She’s drunk only lemonade
I don’t mean Mike’s Hard
ETA: (there’s a set-up for ya)
I don’t mean Mike’s Hard
Is one thing that I might say
If this were porno
If this were porno
you could fit the whole screenplay
into one haiku
Into one haiku
Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh,
Oh, oh, oh, oh, oooooooooooh!
“Oh, oh, oh, oh, oooooooooooh!”
said the cable repairman
in Logjammin’ flick.