Haiku Madness

Creepy crawly bugs
I used to make these with my
Mattel bug maker.

Matel bug maker
Oh, the toys of my childhood.
Fondly remembered

Fondly remembered
burrowing under covers
on wintry morning.

On wintry morning
I yearned for summer, but in
summer, it’s too hot

“Summer, it’s too hot
In here, wanna get naked?”
Glau’s fan longs to ask.

Glau’s fan longs to ask,
“Will you love me despite my
big-time nerditude?”

big time nerditude
Made Big Bang Theory a hit;
Jim Parsons, a star.

Jim Parsons a star
because International Star
Registry said so

Registry said, “So,
do you think ‘Registry’ is
a funny first name?”

A funny first name?
How about “Bing,” “Twinkii” or
even sometimes “Y”

Even sometimes “Y”
can be a vowel, my teacher
told me long ago.

Yes, I say “vowel” as one syllable.

Told me long ago
say vowel with one syll’ble
will make you buh-lind

Will make you buh-lind,
Masturbating to Playboy.
Or so my mom said…

Or so my mom said,
“Read good food and eat good books”
That’s why I’m effed up

That’s why I’m effed up
I wanted to say “kiss me”
But said “Suck it, bitch!”

Butt said “Suck it, bitch!”
proving why he deserved his
unpleasant nickname.

Unpleasant nickname
Stinky Stupid Dummy Clod
Don’t be one of these.

Don’t be one of these –
Constant whiner, crashing bore,
Or lousy tipper.

“Or lousy Tipper,”
said Bob, thinking of skanky
ex-Second Ladies.

ex-Second Ladies
All of them were trophy wives
Till they got too old.