Haiku Reviews

Cafe Society
1

In honor of the recent haiku thread, write a haiku review of any movie, TV show, book, work of art, etc. (and because the form of a haiku is so limiting, the word review is to be interpreted quite liberally).
Title of the work being reviewed does not count as part of the Haiku.
Lord of the Rings

With bikers they meet
Gay midgets return a ring
Good battles, no sex.
The Lion in Winter
King, queen, sons, all fight
To the sons it is for land.
To the queen, for love.
Cold Mountain
War brings great hardships
Makes folks brave, hard, sad, fertile.
But lipstick still worn.
Confederacy of Dunces
Ignatius Reilly.
Boethius, Fortuna, Jones.
All in one collide.

The Secret

Secret of the ages.
What you can dream can be yours.
Oprah Chopra crap.
My Name is Earl

Like Randy, Earl.
Catalina bouncing, Jump.
Makes me almost straight.

2

In honor of the recent haiku thread, write a haiku review of any movie, TV show, book, work of art, etc. (and because the form of a haiku is so limiting, the word review is to be interpreted quite liberally).
Title of the work being reviewed does not count as part of the Haiku.
Lord of the Rings
With bikers they meet
Gay midgets return a ring
Good battles, no sex.
The Lion in Winter
King, queen, sons, all fight
To the sons it is for crown.
To the queen, for love.
Cold Mountain
War brings great hardships
Makes folks brave, hard, sad, fertile.
But lipstick still worn.
Confederacy of Dunces
Ignatius Reilly.
Boethius, Fortuna, Jones.
All in one collide.

The Secret
Secret of the ages.
What you can dream can be yours.
Oprah Chopra crap.
My Name is Earl
Randy, Earl, great.
Joy, Catalina bouncing…
Make me almost straight.

3

FIGHT CLUB
Poor Ed Norton, whose
Alter ego is Brad Pitt
No unique snowflake

ERIN BROCKOVICH
No doubt about it
The star of this movie is
Julia Roberts’ bra

HANNIBAL
Ray Liotta gives
Food for thought to Doc Lecter
A piece of his mind

THE MATRIX
Bill is gone, but whoa!
Ted’s Excellent Adventure
Is a real head trip

STAR WARS, EPISODE ONE
Much excitement, yet
Fans’ main reaction was this:
Jar Jar Binks must die

4

I accidentally opened two identical threads; could someone please alert the mods and have them close the other one?

5

STAR WARS, EPISODE TWO
Annakin got cute.
Ewan steals show as young Ben.
Jar Jar still must die.
[/QUOTE]

6

Back to the Future
Marty J. McFly
Back to 1955
Must fix fucked-up past
Battlefield Earth
Scientologists
Their movies really suck shit
Hubbard spins in grave
Cars
Route 66 gone
Interstate 40’s passed by
Radiator Springs
The Matrix
Red pill or blue pill?
Which one is the one to take?
What would blue pill do?
Rain Man
Charlie Babbitt Screwed
Brother worth three million bucks
Ray goes on long ride

7

TALLADEGA NIGHTS

Will Ferrell playing
Yet another simpleton
Please God, make it stop!
BORAT

Kazakhstan bohunk
Visits United States and
Offends everyone
NORBIT

Playing fat woman,
Eddie Murphy says this much:
Who needs an Oscar?
LADY IN THE WATER

M Night Shyamalan
Steals plot from yet another
Twilight Zone program

8

300

Homosexual
Erotic fantasies of
Sword fights and leather

9

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows

Not yet extant, but
reviewed by a million tots:
“I hope Snape gets it!!!:)!”
The emoticon evokes summer on Mt Fuji. “Snape” is a subtle reference to Basho.

10

In my new clothes
I look so different
I must look like somebody else

11

From the other thread:

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows

Not yet extant, but
reviewed by a million tots:
“I hope Snape gets it!!!:)!”
The emoticon evokes summer on Mt Fuji. “Snape” is a subtle reference to Basho.

12

A few more than three
In this trilogy of Five
“42”-deep thought!

FML

13

Two men; in the end
Each cared only for himself
Until one got killed

14

Fill in the title yourself
Why did the Krell die?
Why are we all dying now?
Monsters from the Id!

15

Since there were replies to both, I merged them.

16

Kill Bill
Bill’s chicks can kick ass
They stole her lil’ baby girl
Now they’re on her list
Stranger than Fiction

He is not a man
Just a figure in her book
But he wants to live
Idiocracy

Woke up in future
Dumb, fat people all around…
Documentary?

17

Aliens
We got here too late.
All the colonists are dead -
Now it’s our turn. Aaarggh!

Psycho
At the Bates Motel
Women guests don’t take showers
If they want to live.

Jaws
Lots of blood and guts!
Holidaymakers become
A fish’s dinner.

18

North And South

Brothers divided
Civil war, what will they do?
Oooooh Lesley Anne Down
Rich Man, Poor Man

Brothers divided
Who is good, who is not good?
Falconetti is hot, man

19

Forbidden Planet, methinks.

20

Breaker Morant
Guerilla war in
South Africa was no fun;
just ask Aussie troops.

2001: A Space Odyssey
Ape learns to use tools
Monolith then found on Moon
Pod Bay doors? Closed. Damn!

Dark City
Man wakes up near corpse
But he’s innocent - for sure!
Pale aliens watch.

Casablanca
Bogart, Bergman glow
“Round up usual suspects”
Best movie ever.

Citizen Kane
Flashy camera work
Orson Welles’s masterpiece
But still not all that.

The Incredibles
Superheroes? No!
We’re just an average family
Until crisis looms.