Mine would be
Slackers squat for free
For a year. All sing, none work.
Get jobs you hippies!
Y’know, I like yours better. I’d just add a comma after “Get jobs.” 
Mine would be
Slackers squat for free
For a year. All sing, none work.
Get jobs you hippies!
Y’know, I like yours better. I’d just add a comma after “Get jobs.”