“If you keep doing me like that, I’m going to marry you.” She didn’t.
The one that made it really hard to maintain composure was a young lady who was very enthusiastic and limber and one time began to chant repeatedly, “It’s coming, it’s the big one, it’s coming, it’s the big one.”
Which I suddenly realized is just about what Fred Sanford used to say. :smack:
I feel left out =( I havent heard anything unusual or anything during…
Sometimes if I’m in a goofy mood I will say some of the strangest things during sex. Cant think of anything right now, but I know I’ve ruined a grand finale for the guy by making him laugh so hard he went soft. oops
“God, you’re just can’t get enough, can you? You’re like a rice cooker!”
A rice cooker?
That thread is the reason I joined the SDMB. I’d been a lurker until then. I still don’t have anything to contribute on the topic, but I love post #28:
A Goat? LOL!
Oh my God, that’s hilarious!
No clue! This was after we’d broken up, though, so maybe he thought that I thought sex meant we were getting back together?
I suspected there had been similar threads in the past, but I was never expecting “Is that a leg?”
I’m really glad I started this now and that someone remembered the other thread.
Thanks!
Indeed here too. I have searched the internets far and wide and that is STILL easily the funniest thread I’ve ever seen.
Are you the sheriff?..OINK, OINK
My own is pretty lame. Had a friend with benefits that was/is a friend of my sister. Evidently the whole friend’s-brother situation was quite a turn on for her…because she insisted on bringing it up. “Yeah, did you ever think you’d be with your sister’s friend?”
Yeah, that’s EXACTLY what I want to think about right now. Thanks. :rolleyes:
“Oh, THE GOSH!!!”
Said by an ex of mine “it’s like being in bed with the sun”.
Nope, I didn’t know how to take that either, and yes I did check and he was comparing me to the big ball of flaming gas in the sky rather than a newspaper or Jesus…I think it’s probably what happens when teenage jocks try to be poetic.
This gave me a chance to re-read the funniest zombie thread ever.
A similar thing happened to me. I was in a cheap hotel and the couple next door were having what sounded like a marathon sex session all night with her screaming “My God it’s so big!” all night long. When they left in the morning I had to peak out the window, expecting to see John Holmes, but he was just an average looking sized guy from the looks of it. Then she came outside, all four feet of her and I just laughed my ass off! 
I guess size is relative.
As for myself, my girlfriend once screamed “Stop checking your blackberry” at me once. :smack: So now I wait until we are done and just roll over and cuddle with it. 
Context: My GF and I usually only get to see each other on weekends, because we’re two hours apart. Consequently, the percentage of the time we do spend together that we spend in bed together is pretty high, but then we go four or five days before getting to see each other again.
After a wicked hot round of hide the salami Saturday night before bed and another on the couch Sunday morning, we knew Sunday afternoon was probably going to be our last tryst of the weekend before she needed to get on the road. Wanting to build slow to a big finish, I’d been going nice and easy, not really in a hurry, keeping the dirty talk pretty moderate, when she looks up and says quietly, “Please … faster, harder.”
So I move up to second gear, get approving feedback, and decide she still wants more, so since she keeps encouraging me, I’m soon in fifth gear: full withdrawal on the upstroke, literally trying to break her apart on the downstroke. Finally, to drive home just exactly how hard she wants it, she says:
“I want to still be able to feel your cock in me on Friday!”
Well, why didn’t you say so? Good thing my transmission has an overdrive gear.
That’s daaangerous ground, amigo. I had a friend who wound up in the ER that way. No shit.
I’ll keep that in mind, Cisco, thanks!
Yeah. If you hit just wrong, you can bend the apparatus and rupture the tunica albuginea, which envelopes the *corpus cavernosum * (Here’s what the Master says about penile fracture ).
It doesn’t feel so good to the woman either. But at least she won’t wind up in surgery.
My favorite (second-hand, unfortunately – said by the girl during intercourse): “Go banana!”
+5 points to the first person who gets the reference.
When we were much younger, my wife and I had the occasional misadventure. The first, before we were married: I’d been reading while lying on my unmade bed, and didn’t realize that about fifty cents worth of change had dribbled out of my pants pocket. Hours later, the love of my life shows up with take-out Mexican food, we eat, we flirt, we hit the sack. Afterward, she got out of bed and headed for the bedroom – with pennies, dimes and nickles dropping from her. They’d stuck to her skin while we exericised.
Weeks after we were married, we lived in furnished upstairs apartment. Our downstairs neightbor was the manager of the complex. Still newlyweds, we explored life’s sweet mysteries pretty much nightly. One evening, after a particularly vigorous session, I got up to visit the bathroom; on returning, I stumbled over my own shoe lying on the floor, pitched forward and hit the bed, breaking it from the footboard. The bed hit the floor with a crash. We cobbled the thing together so we could sleep that night; the next morning, as we left for work, the manager was watering flowers outside his apartment. I stopped to tell him our bed was broken; he chuckled and said, “Yup, I know.” I thought my wife would die of embarrassment.
Simpsons!
Are these sexy points?
Something else she could shout: “Nooooo Goooood!”.
no, I don’t really have anything else to contribute to the thread, sorry! but now I’m subscribed so I can get email updates…
In my second year of college I lived a 4 person dorm room with some friends, and the building had some interesting acoustics. One night while trying to sleep, we could clearly hear a couple somewhere above us going at it. The sound was travelling through the air vents, so we weren’t the only people who could hear it. After a few minutes, through the air vent we hear someone else yell ‘Just come in her already so we can get some sleep!’.
Later that year we got a new roommate who was a total asshole. Didn’t care what he did, how loud, when, who’s stuff he took, etc. One night, at like 3 in the morning, he comes back with this girl and starts getting it on right in the 4 person bedroom. Wakes me up. It was lame, took maybe 10 minutes from the time they walked in. They’re getting dressed and he goes ‘So is this your first time with a college guy?’, she responds with ‘Of course not, what kind of a girl do you think I am?’ He says, ‘Well youre still in high school, I thought this would be a new thing for you.’