“I love you, tdn!”
Doesn’t sound so odd? The voice tone and timing were so weird that I pretty much stopped and looked at her like she had three heads.
"I'm playing a tuba."
“Ooh ah oh. Ooh ah oh. Ooh ah oh. Ooh ah oh. Ooh ah oh. Ooh ah oh.”
As a fan of I-can-still-feel-you-inside-me-several-days-later sex, I must say, this is just…beautiful.
Hats off to your gf for telling you in a most forward way what she wanted. And to you, for delivering.
Several months ago in my more crazy stage, my girl friend and I decided to try a foursome. Imagine my anticipation when I could not only see the girlfriend with another, but actually participate with her. During the throws of passion, when my girlfriend was enjoying the attention of the other guy, see yelled, “no one has ever done the things you do to me with that mouth!,” the exact line she had uttered to me on many occasions. I was immediately deflated 
I filed this under the “be careful what you ask for category.”
Two words–smurf dick.
And I didn’t say it; it was said to me.
Blue balls?
Nah. Blue condom.
My friend once screamed out, “Who’s your favorite prophit?” Followed by a string of Biblical names. Her answer was much more entertaining, but it not appropriate for this forum…
Thanks, Li’l Pluck: we’re pretty good to each other that way.
Sorry, ForumBot. They’re just Simpsons Points, which aren’t very sexy at all. Unless you’re in the habit of quoting Ralph Wiggum during sex, that is.
“You have amazing stamina.”
I later explained to her that the brand of condoms she had chosen were akin to steel belted radials. We switched to something a bit more “sensitive.”
Good god, first time I read this I thought you were saying they dropped from inside her. The mental gymnastics on how that would have happened were quite something.
Might’ve been a time when it would have better to listen to the right shoulder, with the unfallen angel, as you know. 
Here’s what would have made it even funnier, IMHO.
You’re in the prelims, and have developed an attachment to one of the non-plastic, non-rubber pacifiers available in the area *. She suddenly develops a cramp, or otherwise feels the need to shift position, and you lose contact.
{Loud whiny voice on}
Mahhhmmm!
{/off}
Or, better yet, Mahhm-meee!
(Watch this space for
a possible name-change.
Meanwhile, look a few inches
above and to the left. )
- Or, should that be, areola? Just thought of that.
Heh. Which brand was this?
I don’t remember, but it had it’s own adhesive.
Yes, adhesive.
It kind of attached itself to the little Kaiser’s helmet. Which, of course, made removal problematic, if not messy.
Just about any other brand was better, although there was some colorful ones that were also too thick.
Right after we finished high school I was roommates with a friend of mine in this tiny, run-down trailer with paper-thin walls. My girlfriend and I were going at it pretty good one afternoon when, unbeknownst to us, my roommate came home. He happened to have his parents with him.
I guess we were being pretty noisy and he and his parents were rather uncomfortable. My roommate turned on the stereo to try and drown us out but it didn’t do any good.
So what did he do? He grabbed a 100-pack of fire crackers, lit it, and threw it in my room.
Holy Cannoli, was that ever loud.
From the same episode (and also not what you want to hear in the act): Zeppelin Ruuuullles… (Or the Cantonese for, We could always use more slaves)
Mentor? I knew the guy who founded the company.
Regards,
Shodan
Many moons ago, I was dating a young lady who liked to do it while she lay on the edge of the bed and I stood on the floor. Apparently, it gave deeper penetration or something.
We’re going at it on night hot and heavy, and as the song says: on the 99th stroke, the damn thing broke. The bed, that is. Just as we were both sharing a simultaneous climax.
When the dust settled, we were still joined and she whispered in my ear, “Did the earth move for you, too?”
Joe and I have had our share of funny/embarassing moments during sex, but the newest one takes the cake.
Last summer, the kids were away at their Gran’s for a week, and we spent every night (and most of our days) practicing our hot monkey lovin’. On the last night of our solitude, we were in the hallway, leaned up against our bedroom door, engaging in some very heavy petting. Suddenly, Joe steps back, growls “I’ve got a surprise for you” in his sexiest voice, and drops his pants to his ankles. At the exact moment his, erm, manliness springs forward, as if on cue, the SUPERMAN THEME starts blaring at a very high volume. The look on his face was one of utter confusion, and I fell on the ground laughing and crying, barely managing to ask “What kind of surprise is THAT?”
Turns out, our oldest son left his (Superman) alarm clock set to go off at bedtime, and we hadn’t heard it the previous nights due to being in front of the tv.
I’ve always harbored a deep pride that my husband’s penis has its own entrance music.
Back in High School, when I was (ahem) slightly more innocent, I was dating this guy whose parents were very good friends with mine. Since we were such a cute couple, they decided to organize a trip to London for both families. The boy and I were sleeping together at this point, but since we were still quite young, I shared a room with his younger sister (a good friend of mine) and he shared with our brothers.
A few nights in, we’re coming back from dinner, both pretty sloshed and horny as hell. We tried to hint to his sister that it’d be a brilliant idea if she decided to go hang with the boys, but she was tipsy herself and didn’t really catch on. What’s a resourceful teenage couple to do?
We resorted to the bathroom.
A while later we resurface, slightly red in the face but sure that we’d kept the noise level down enough to be inconspicuous. He kisses me good night and I start changing for bed. She looks up from her book and says: “So, whose belt was it that hit the floor?”
I’ve never been so mortified in my life. And even now, four years later, she brings it up every time we all hang out together.