Worse thing said? Hmmm…
How about “You and your f-ckin’ Banana…!”
I had read about how banana could make oral sex kinkier. Unfortunately, in real life, peeled bananas can break off and leave uncomfortable chunks inside a very pissed off woman who will never sleep with you ever again.
“Dear Penthouse Forum… FUCK YOU!!!”
Did you freeze it first?
. . . I think my vagina just tried to clamp itself shut. :: shudder :: I’m an open-minded gal, but the first guy who tries to shove a frozen banana up my hooha is going to find it planted firmly up his ass.
I think I actually understand this one, because my roommate recently explained to me why, when I was working at Macy’s long ago, whenever rice cookers were on sale they sold like hotcakes. She said, modern families are on-the-go and may all eat at different times. Rice cookers cook the rice – and then keep it on the back burner, hot and ready-to-go at all times.
It’s a compliment. 
During sophomore year I lived in a suite style (2 people - bathroom - 2 people) dorm. During the first hookup with my now ex-girlfriend one of my suitemates failed to heed my warning not to open the door and walked in midway through me going down on her. He sheepishly shut the door and I went back to work. When I ran into him the next day all I could say was “What? I was hungry.”
With my current girlfriend… One of the first movies we watched together was 300. Since then I’ve consistently threatened to yell “This is Sparta!” at climax, but for some reason I always forget. Easily distracted I guess.
How* you* doin’? 
Several years ago with an ex-gf.
I was laying on my back on the bed. She was sitting astride me, facing me, recieving oral favors. I share this so that you may properly visualize the incident.
We’re rocking right along when I pause and get a serious look on my face.
She looks down at me with a look of concern, “What?”
I look up at her and deadpan, “It’s a man eating p***y.”
She laughed so hard she fell off of me and nearly off the bed.
When my SIL was younger, she confided in my other SIL that her boyfriend wanted to put cocaine inside her vagina and then have sex. :eek:
She broke up with him pretty quickly after that.
No, but how was I to know I had to ripen them in a brown paper bag for a few days first? Its not like Xavier Hollander expounded on that part of the story…
So much for ‘Dairy Queen’.
…And its said that to this very day, Alexagente and his mule still troll the hills of Colombia searching for that ‘special blend’… 
Cocaine is one hell of a topical anesthetic. Liberal application on vaginal lacerations (such as those from childbirth) makes the surgical repair of said lacerations completely pain-free.
But hardly useful as a topical agent for recreational sex, IMHO.
This cracks me up.
So, you’re flirting with her in hopes of getting a frozen banana jammed up your ass?
So I’m with my girlfriend, and in a fit of passion, we fail to properly reach her bed before succumbing to the inevitable. We’re on the floor, myself on top, and as I’m… thrusting… , her cat, overweight and, as the proverb says, curious, clambers aboard my ass and digs in with his claws, trying to make the earth just stand still! Hilarity and screaming ensued, and I’ll leave it to you to decide who did which.
Hey, whatever floats your boat. As long as it’s not jammed up MY ass.
brujaja, interesting. I never thought of it that way. I assumed it was some race-related thing said at the heat of the moment. (One guy once called me his spicy little eggroll. Not during sex, though.)
I have called my wife (lovingly of course) “My French Dip”. Mmmmm…sammich… 
Damnit. Now I’m going to have to buy a new bed. One that isn’t narrow and doesn’t have both a headboard and a footboard. 
Duh. :rolleyes:
Umm - hi - first time poster here - so be kind?
It was my first time, and way overdue. I was panicked, he was clumsy, and we somehow ended up on my mother’s living room rug which was scratchy as hell as I waited very still for “the magic to happen.” Being a total noob - I had no idea that this was a group participation thing and that lying still might not have been helpful - but basically, as he’s going at it - he looks down at me and in a husky voice whispers “Can I cum inside you?” to which I look up at him in surprise and say, “You’re inside me?”
(oh yes, I did.)
Yeah - no brainer on why the phone DIDN’T ring the next day.
[For the record, I’m much much better at it now]
It’s a pretty good first post, I should’ve known better than to be taking a drink while reading this thread though (you made me lose half a swig).
Sorry - I guess I owe you a drink now. Just have the bartender put it on my tab.
No words here just a high+pitched scream from me, but:
Just the other night, boytabby and I are going to town, with me leading the way. He bit my nipple just a bit too hard, startling me, which startled him. As I was jumping away from startlement, he bit down from startlement, and I let out a bloodcurdling scream akin to the time the webbing on my hand was sliced so deeply you could see tendons. I screamed with good reason, too; he had bitten my nipple so hard that the skin was broken on both sides. It satyed hard for the next two days. I learned a valuable lesson: no matter what, DO NOT jump away when someone has your nipple firmly gripped between his or her teeth. Things will not go well.
Then, of course, there’s the time I was going at it with an ex at his father’s house. His dad chose that moment to walk in. Most parents would be angry, right? Not this time. All we got was a “sorry, didn’t know anybody was here”. Yes, I’m here; as a matter of fact, I was almost there!