OK, I love you guys for your help with my mother. Now I have another, slightly less important (and hopefully less likely to spark debate) problem.
Recently my boyfriend has been being a real putz. He tells me that he loves me, but he doesn’t act like it. We have been together for three years, but ever since he got back from Israel he has seemed different. I can’t remember the last time we went on a date. And the other day, he came to my house, got head, and promptly left. Our relationship seems to be deteriorating to just sex, and it scares me. He’s also always out when I call so I can’t talk to him about it.
And on top of that, I am rapidly developing feelings for someone else. We have been friends for about two and a half years, and she is just perfect. She is sweet and caring and incredibely attractive. She has these eyes that you could just stare at. She just dumped her boyfriend, who is also an ex of mine, and she and I have been hanging out the past few nights. Last night after the movie, we were sitting on a couch in the coffee shop, and she told me I was beautiful. And she looked at me and gave me goosebumps like my boyfriend used to. I fall more in love with here everyday…but I don’t know what to do about it, because I don’t want to ruin what I have with my boyfriend.
And yes, I realize that this is just a aatupid trivial teenage problem, but any opinions would be appreciated.
Tell your boyfriend you two have to talk. If he isn’t about to make time for you . . . then IMO (which isn’t based on much more than knowing you and being your friend) he is using you, right now, for sex.
However, you might also be with this girl because she’s giving you what you’re no longer getting from your boyfriend.
hypergirl: I’ve always believed that actions speak far louder than words. It’s very easy for someone to say “I love you”, not so easy to actually prove that they do. If your relationship with your boyfriend has devolved to just a sexual one (and a rather one-sided one at that) and he can’t/won’t talk to you about it, then, I’m afraid to say, there might not be a lot left there to “ruin”.
As for your feelings towards your friend, iampunha has a good point. I would suggest having a good long talk with your boyfriend (if you can a hold of him). You might not like the result, but it’s better than being in limbo.
The next time your boyfriend comes over for sex, don’t. Make him listen to your problems.
don’t get angry (If you can help it), but calmly tell him what the problem is. If there’s anything left here at all, he’ll talk with you about it. If not…well, all things must end eventually.
Well, you people do have a point about my feelings for my friend. But you are only partly right. It is true that she gives me the affection that I am not getting from him, but I also have liked her in one way or another for about a year. It didn’t just develop when my bf and I started having problems, but it certainly intensified. It also might be that I started spending more time with her when I started spending less time with him.
And well, I should be seeing him on New Years, and if we have the whole night together, I’m sure that we will manage to talk for some of the time. But I’m also going out with her tonight, and I’m not sure how to handle it.
For tonight, I’d definitely play it cool, hypergirl. First, until things are sorted out with your boyfriend then it’s not fair to him to start seeing someone else; the gender of that “someone else” is irrelevant. Second, if you and your boyfriend do work things out, then you could easily hurt your friend if she thought that the two of you were getting together only to hear you say, “Um, well, sorry, me and Hyperboy had a long talk and things are okay between us now.”
If you’d really like to talk with the boyfriend, though, better do it before any parties you’ve got planned for Sunday night. There’s no way that you’re going to have time and privacy for a serious discussion while you’re at a New Year’s Eve party.
Well, it turned out that me and my friend bumped into “hyperboy” and another of our friends while we were out last night. My friend and I had a talk before we met them though. She isn’t really looking to get together with me, I think I have more emotion in this than she does. The boyfriend and I didn’t get to talk though, but I am hoping that we can while I am sleeping over at his house tonight.
What’s up with you people? My first thread got more than 100 replies, and this one is more mundane and more pointless and is nagging at me just as much and hasn’t even gotten 10.
So if I treat women like that I won’t be spending my holidays alone?
Maybe I should make it my New Year’s resolution to be a jerk. It seems to work better than what I’ve got going on now.
Enough of my self pity. Talk to your boyfriend and either get things back on track with him or move on to things with your girlfriend. Seems like a simple choice.
Ninety nine percent of the girls I’ve ever known wouldn’t put up with that. If he just wants you for sexual favors then why are you holding on to him? That’s not a relationship, that’s being used. Be alone for a while, it’s really not that bad, it makes you a stronger person.
TALK! That’s really all I can tell ya. I thought the same thing was happening with my boyfriend, that thread is still around here somewhere. Entitled “Men! Yuck!” Can you guess how that turned out? Yeah, we broke up, he said he needed space. I’d advise you to talk to your boyfriend before it’s too late, if it isn’t already. Ask him what he thinks about the relationship and tell him how you feel. If he just wants you for sex, then lose him, unless you just want a sex toy too (I personally wouldn’t mind) but if he’s justs being stupid for a while and didn’t realize what he was doing or is preoccupied with something else then just talk out your problems and you could still save the relationship. Good luck!
Well, I did wind up spending New Years with the boyfriend. Or at least part of it anyway. He rescued me from an insanely boring party and took me back to his house. He treated me like a goddass. We just lay in bed for the two hours until midnight and cuddled. He lightly carressed my back and showered feathery kisses on my upper arms and shoulders. 11:58 we went out to the TV room and watched the ball drop. Big deal. Then he kissed me, and I swear I felt like I was going to melt. He whispered that he loved me and that he wanted to spend not only next year, but the rest of his life with me. After that, we retreated back to his room where he promptly got me off with no thoughts for himself, and we just lay together for the rest of the night. How could I think of breaking up with a guy like that?
As far as my friend Rivkah goes, hyperboy encourages me to be with her, as long as he gets to watch (we are all good friends). I think I may take advantage of that too. But I still want to maintain meaningful relationships with both of them.
Hyper, darling, a single, quick question. Please, don’t make any asumptions as to what I am thinking, but did you tell him about your attraction to Rivkah before or after he started being really sweet to you?
well, if I had been asking the question…it would have meant is he just being nice to you out of fear of losing you and will shortly revert to true form? or not even revert to form, but lull you along for a few weeks so he can a) line up another girlfriend and b) be the dumper not the dumpee (& c) - opal - this isn’t a list, just two options!).
But we don’t know him and can’t make that assessment ourselves.