“Rivkah”?
I know a bisexual girl with that name. I sure hope its not the same one.
I think time will tell - if he really wants to be with you, his actions will show it. If it was just a way to keep you hanging on, you’ll know soon enough.
Well, when you told this to me the other night, you forgot to mention one big factor: he couldn’t get hard, and this hasn’t been the first time. It seems to happen frequently lately, hasn’t it? And well, it’s not your fault. Maybe he really is falling out of love. Maybe he’s not and just needs a little help getting hard again. I mean, not every guy will be hard just by being around you.
When a guy suddenly starts having ‘problems’, something is up.
er…
That could be phrased better, methinks.
Anyway, you get the point. Keep your eyes open and listen to yourself. If something is wrong, or he’s stringing you along and your vision is not clouded, you will know.
Tasha, it has happened twice. But that just proves that it isn’t purely sexual between us. And anyway, he was hard when we were in bed before the ball dropped, he just couldn’t stay hard after we were naked. And I’m sure you people don’t need all this TMI.
Handy, where does your Rivkah live?
Well thats good then. Sorry, I was just being bitter and I’ve been listening to LoveLine too much lately. But yeah, I was basicly just worried about his intentions. I don’t want you to get hurt. I really should stop meddeling in your life, huh? 
Now wait just a second! All macho BS aside, a guy can have problems getting, or staying, hard for ANY NUMBER of reasons!!
Speaking strictly for myself, I sometimes have problems with erections if:
1)drunk
2)preoccupied with something else
3)I have a stupid song stuck in my head (try making the beast with 2 backs while “Turkey In The Straw” is running over and over in your head, I dare ya!)
4)the penis is preoccupied (yes, it has a brain too!)
5)I have to fart really badly, but am holding it in for fear of blowing Ms. Astro’s fiancee out of the bed
6)I’m laughing (this can be a real problem as, frankly, I’m fuckin’ funny! )
7)penis hits Ms. Astro’s fiancee’s cervix during a particularly enthusiastic thrust (OUCH!!!)
8)during sex, Ms. Astro’s fiancee says something along the lines of “I was talking to my mom today, and she thinks…”
9)etc…
In short, a lack of erection is of NO use in determining if he loves you or not…
hypergirl, you say he changed after a trip to Israel? My guess is something happened to him there… and he’s getting over it. You have two options: 1)try to find out what happened 2)let it slide, and wait to see what happens.
Not knowing your BF, I can’t recommend which option is best… but if he continues to just come over for BJ’s and then leave, I’d reconsider your relationship…
PS: Can I watch too?? 
Astro, either I’m really, really confused, or you and (soon-to-be?)Ms. Astro have an extremely open relationship, or you miswrote something.
Wouldn’t (soon-to-be?)Ms. Astro’s Fiancee be you? Or is there a third party involved? If there is, let me congratulate you on your tact. Blowing your wife’s fiancee out of bed with a bad fart is frowned upon by Ms. Manners.
Fenris
Hmm…that is kind of confusing. Astroboy, you’re absolutely right. I wasn’t the one who assumed that he didn’t love me because of that. I just felt a bit inadequate. And as far as Israel goes, he was on a two month trip, and I have heard many people say that it changed their lives. I’m sure that the experience changed him somehow, but he’s denying it. He’s one of those people who writes everything off. He says that the only thing he cares about is me.
Well, things do change and I have had minor suspicions that her boyfriend just might’ve done something or something might have happened in Israel, no matter how trivial, that changes the state of things. Sometimes she astounds me. She’s sitting here and all day I see things one way and she’s totally trying to make me see it a complete other way that I either am not supposed to see or she just isn’t telling me everything again. Eh, maybe I should just quit trying to help if I don’t get the right information or all of it. 
“:Well, things do change and I have had minor suspicions that her boyfriend just might’ve done
something or something might have happened in Israel, no matter how trivial, that changes the
state of things.”
Well, Im happy someone said that for me.
Hmmmm… I guess that IS a bit confusing! Let me assure you that there are only 2 of us (despite my assurances to her that there is enough of me to go around, she hasn’t bought it yet ). I suppose from now on I ought to refer to her as “Astro’s fiancee”…
Yeah, that does make more sense. Thanks Astro.
How in the world I missed the part about b/f going to Israel is beyond me.
I have been to Israel twice and the experience does change you and what someone said about something happening could very well be true.
Ultimately, the two of you will have to decide where you want the relationship to go (that was original, wasn’t it?)
Just got off the phone with him. I decided to call him after school instead of at night, since I figured I might stand a better chance of getting him that way. And I did, yippy. Anyway, I told him that a lot of people had been telling me that the way he was acting was really bad and that people had been advising me to end it. He told me that he would accept it if that was my decision, but I can’t decide that. I love him and he loves me. He just told me that I mean more to him than I think. I mean, this guy did almost kill himself over me last year. He told me, and he was right, that the people who were giving me this advice didn’t really know the whole story.
So we don’t know the whole story and we’re giving you wrong advice? All we have to go on is what you tell us. That said, I don’t think telling “the whole story” is necessary. You’ve told about recent events, aren’t they what matter? Is what happened a year ago really that important?
Yeah, I realize that. But the whole point was that what happened last year does matter because the basis for our relationship was so strong that we can’t let a rough patch like this ruin the whole thing.
Honey, listen . . . This guy is no good for you.
Suicide is not romantic. This guy has some serious problems, and it does not, in any way, prove that he loves you that he threatened suicide. That is a manipulation of the highest degree.
It does not matter that he was good to you for one evening. What matters is his behavior over a long period of time. If you can make a list of the bad things he’s done and the good things that he’s done and the bad side is longer then the relationship is no good. A good relationship is not alternating storms of passion and anger. A good relationship is a friendship with deep love and affection. Is he your friend? Honestly? Think about it for a while. You may love him, but do you LIKE him? If this man is not the best friend that you’ve ever head, don’t even consider spending the rest of your life with him.
When you raise a concern with him, does he honestly try to fix it, or does he try to talk you out of thinking that way?
It sounds like to me that he’s saying what he thinks you want to hear. He’s trying to placate you with sweet nothings that he could have gotten out of a women’s magazine without trying to fix what is really the problem here. It doesn’t sound like he’s a very mature person. You don’t want someone that writes everything off. You want someone who CARES about what’s going on in your head, and cares about other things as well.
No, it doesn’t! I’m sure Hitler could be sweet and tender with Eva Braun, too.
I’m not comparing your guy with Hitler. Don’t think that, but I am saying that his behavior over the course of time is what should concern you, not a momentary sweetness.
And you were saying that it wasn’t completely sexual. Let me understand this . . . he is willing to let the woman he loves more than anything have sex with someone else, as long as he gets to watch??? Encourages you, eh? I’m sure he does!
Yes, some relationships can survive, hell, thrive with such things. But those are extremely stable, long-term relationships with a lot of trust from both parties. I don’t think you’re at that point yet, and won’t be for a while. This guy is just wanting to fulfill a school-boy wet dream, and he’s using you to do it. In all reality, it’s normal to fantasize about such things, but as shaky and new as your relationship is, he shouldn’t want to share you with anyone yet, let alone encourage you to do it. It IS all about sex, whether you want to believe it or not.
Here’s a test. Tell him that you still want to see him, but until you feel that this relationship is going somewhere, you don’t want to have sex. Stick with it. If he’s still around after months and months of no sex, then you know that he does care about you.
Well, just because he treated you nicely for one night may not mean anything. I’m not saying that it didn’t but it might not. I mean, I “got back together” with one of my ex-boyfriends and we did a lot of stuff together, it really seemed like he loved me and cared about me, I still can’t be sure of that because a few weeks later he broke up with me again. Your boyfriend may be out for a few more weeks of sex with you.
I can’t tell you to completely disregard your friends’ advice but you really need to ask yourself what you want from this relationship and take an objective view at the relationship. Is it really worth it? If you believe it is then it might just be worth saving after all. You also need to ask him what he feels about the relationship, it does take two people after all. If after all that you still feel that you love each other enough to keep the relationship going and it’s good for both of you then by all means go ahead. I wish I could’ve done the same with my now ex-boyfriend. You’ve been given the chance that I never got hypergirl, go make the best of it, and good luck.
Kitty
Lissa stated it better than I could’ve.
You seem to be rationalizing anything we stated as negative against your boyfriend. Honestly, from what I’ve heard I don’t think it’s a relationship worth holding onto. Sorry, but I sure wouldn’t hold onto it, I was in a similar relationship with lots of ups and downs when I was around your age, and yes, it hurt bad when we broke up–we were in love. Conversely, now that I look back on it I’m glad it ended where it did. Sometimes it’s hard to see things through the barriers. IMO the first relationship or two is always the toughest.
Anyway, I think this is the best advice (considering you want to continue your relationship, or really try to make something out of it):