Um, Jess, are you sure you could actually control your impulses enough to be able to pull this one off? I mean, you seem to have little to no control over them in general. But, either way, you should try this. Don’t give him head when he wants it, don’t have sex with him, don’t let him pleasure you. Sometimes people get pleasure out of pleasuring others, and you should know this from your relationship with a mutual friend of ours that Rivkah is no longer involved with. Just try it, and don’t back down and don’t give in just to please him. You don’t have to please people in this world, especially if you hurt yourself in the process.
Um… are you guys sure that this is such a great idea? If my girlfriend did that to me (keep in mind I’m just imagining here, and in real life it might be different!), it would probably just make me mad and resentful… and could possibly be the prime cause of ending the relationship. I would feel as if she were manipulating me!
IMHO using this as a test would be no more accurate or meaningful than when a guy says “If you love me, you’ll have sex with me.”
Sex should be something wonderful, beautiful, and (dare I say it?) FUN! between two people who really love one another (as a side issue, sex between three or more people, while wonderful for my personal masturbatory fantasies, probably should stay in the realm of fantasy… too great a chance of ruining a relationship!). Sex should not be used as a test, as a weapon, as a means of masking your insecurities, etc. Yes, I know that in the real world sex is often used for all of these purposes, but that doesn’t mean it’s right to do so.
As for the suicide issue, that sounds like manipulations to me! Just because someone says they almost killed themselves over you, doesn’t mean that it’s true… it may be, but it may not be! Be careful here… this boy definitely had issues at the time this incident took place! Does he now?
My eyes hurt now after reading all of this.
Kinda young, are you Hypergirl? Bisexual also, I see.
Well, lets see if this helps:
You are in love if:
1: Everything he/she says is absolutely cute and so endearing that you just know no one else does such sweet things.
2: Your pulse goes up every time he/she gets near you.
3: You almost idolize mundane things he/she might leave behind of his/hers like shoes, belt, pen, lighter, even a chewed pencil.
4: When with him/her you feel so safe, secure and comfortable.
5: You always want to do nice things for him/her.
6: You are aware of his/her annoying traits and accept the, possibly even considering them ‘darling.’
7: Making love with him/her is almost a religious experience.
8: You admire small, insignificant details about him/her like how his/her hairline looks at the back of the neck, the way his/her lips curl up or down when he/she is asleep, the way his/her eyelashes look when his/her eyes are closed.
9: He/she looks good in almost anything he/she wears.
10: You have open and honest communication. You always have time to talk to each other.
11: You feel content with him/her.
12: You notice the little things he/she does.
Well, there’s more, but I can’t recall them. Personally, from your posts, I figure that someone is playing games and/or someone is more in love with the other than the other is with them.
He might not be able to provide the type of love you seem to want.
BTW. I went to Israel once and found it hot, noisy, confusing, sandy, annoying and much in need of general modernization. I returned figuring that I should have gone to England instead.
If you two love each other, there should be no doubt and you should act virtually as one unit. He should satisfy virtually all of your needs and you his. People I know who are truly in love almost read each others minds. Nothing comes between them. Not career, not friends, not parents, nor suspicions. They face all trials and tribulations together, understand and accept each others weaknesses and actually help each other out automatically.
I watched a loving couple making a dinner for a dinner party once in a small kitchen. They moved around each other like magic, he would turn the steaks and she would season them. She would rip up the lettuce for the salad as he diced up green pepper for the meat and then diced up extra automatically for her. She spilled, he cleaned up. She got the glasses, he got the ice, but was a ballet of harmony rarely viewed.
They complimented each other, knew each other so well that communication between them was all but unspoken. They touched each other a lot also, little, affectionate caresses and brushes.
It was an excellent dinner.
I know I shouldn’t do this as I think Lissa gave good advice but…
Freudian slip or what?
This is the part that is setting off alarms for me. If I truly love a girl enough to truthfully tell her I want to be with her for the rest of my life, if she said something like that to me my first reaction would be to ask what exactly the problems were and what I could do to fix them.
A woman might truly love a man and want to be with him forever, but tell him something like that so he won’t feel trapped or guilty, but guys in love aren’t like that. You should have either got a very apologetic response or anger at the people who told you that you should end it.
I figure that he isn’t particularly into the relationship anymore, and is hoping that you will end it so he won’t have to. That statement is totally incongruous with the ‘love you forever’ stuff.
Dump him.
Find someone who will love you the way you want to be loved. Love isn’t supposed to be a continuous feeling of angst and worry. It’s supposed to be warm and fuzzy – pretty much all of the time, not just during sex.
He should be something like a virtual extension of you and you of him.
You said you have been going out for 3 years?
Do you have constant problems or is this an anomaly? Cause if I was going out with someone I loved for three years, I most certainly would NOT dump him the first time a problem came up.
If you really like him, try to work through it. Don’t just bail at the first sign of a problem.
Just MHO.
Remember, Adventurious82, that there is a big difference between being “in love” and actually, truly LOVING someone. It seems to me that most of the things you listed the definitions of infatuation, with the exceptions of numbers 4, 5, 10 and 11.
I think you’re wrong here. If you truly love your girlfriend, then you would want to make sure she feels secure in the relationship, no matter what it takes. Sex is important, but it’s by no means the most important factor in any relationship . . . trust, security and love are much more important. Hyper needs to make sure that these are the primary things in her relationship, and the only way to do that is to remove what seems to be her boyfriend’s primary motivation: sex. If he ditches her, then she’ll know what was most important to him. If he respects her decision, and still wants to be with her until she feels ready then she’ll know that he truly cares.
If you’re willing to end a relationship because your girlfriend cuts off sex to make sure your relationship is founded on the right things, then maybe you shouldn’t be with her in the first place. Resentment has no place in a relationship. It’s immature. Sex is a gift of love, not necessarily an entitlement. Just because you’ve been getting it doesn’t mean you should EXPECT it, especially, as in the case of Hyperboy, if you’ve not been contributing to the relationship in terms of emotional support.
If she decides to take my advice, it’s not as if Hypergirl is demanding anything in return for her sexual favors-- she’s just making sure that he truly loves her enough to wait.
But neither should it be the only thing that holds the two of you together. Only by removing it from the table do you know if it is.
I don’t know if this is Hyper’s first sexual relationship or not, neither do I know how long she waited until she had sex with Hyperboy. I do know however that if the relationship is strong and true, Hyperboy will respect her decision and want to continue seeing her. Why? Because if he loves her, simply sitting with her on the couch and watching a movie will be wonderful, because he’s with the person he loves. They do not need to “prove their love” in the physical way, because there are many other ways of proving it. And if the relationship holds true, they have the rest of their lives to be physically intimate with one another. What’s wrong with waiting?
Heh heh . . . I even proof-read the damn thing and didn’t catch that!
I’m sorry to say it, but this thread isn’t really helping me. Things are getting better, and this thread just keeps reminding me and planting little seeds in my mind. I don’t think I have ever opened this thread and had it not make me cry. I don’t know if this is a good thing or a bad thing, but I know that I don’t need anymore depression right now.
Honey, avoidance will not make your problems go away. It will only make the situation worse.
Wish I knew the boyfriend, I could talk to him & straight this whole thing out.
Well, he is registered on the boards. I signed him up a long time ago, but he never posts. And that’s probably a god thing by now.
And Lissa, I know avoidance won’t help me, but it’s just looking so appealing.