Can I ask what your major is and what are your favortite classes? That could help with identifying activities where you could meet people.
Also, a part-time job is a great way to meet people. Working a part time job you don’t really care about in college is just an invitation to goof off with your colleagues and make some friends.
Maybe you’re not in the right college. What’s your major? or What do you want to do when you get out?
Are you really boring, or are you just a geek sans geek friends?
The college I graduated from is full of rejects from life and other schools. I was a freshman at 21. All but the most annoying found common ground to make a friend or two, and then it’s a snowball effect.
If you really feel bad and feel crippled in social situations you might want to see a doctor about it. Your school should have some wort of mental health resources.
Well, lessee here, you’re showing some honesty, open-mindedness, awareness that there’s a problem, gentle self-deprecating humour… by Og, throw in a little willpower, and there’s nothing you can’t improve about yourself. I think you’re well on your way already, and you should feel good about that.
Ok, gotta run, I"m already late for Easter mass. Sorry about any typos.
Now, to your question re fountain pens. I was writing several pages of notes a day at work and getting cramps; a big-wig let me try his Waterman, and I was intrigued by how smoothly it wrote. I have a fondness for tools that work well, and an appreciation for well crafted mechanisms that also look beautiful. I started learnig about them and found out there’s an entire sub-culture devoted to pens, and all kinds of facinating info about materials, assembly technicques, antique pens, pens used in history, manufacturers. pens as art, pens as jewelry, etc etc. it’s a real world… I found it because I had a silly little problem, and was a bit curious. I stumbled on an equivalent phenomenon for wrist-watches, btw, but they didn’t do anything for me…
You’re correct to be concerned about avoiding to seem like a creep. Just lay off any questions about people’s “private information” like addresses and such, and avoid conducting an interrogation by just firing off questions. Ask an open ended question about a safe topic relevant to the immediate situation, really listen to the answer, and then echo it back in shorter form, adding an observation about the other person’s feeling about the topic. You can then follow up with another question based on what they say. This will really get the person going on the topic. Lame example:
You: "How’s that mountain bike working out for your?
Them: “Not bad; the shifter’s really smooth, and it’s light, but the shocks are a bit stiff "
You: “Sounds like it’s really fast. You must be pretty pleased.”
Them: …longer more detailed answer…”
posssible follow-up questions: “are you thinking of tuning the suspension?” "where do you ride / what’s that place like?"etc etc.
Now about people wanting to talk about themselves, holy smokes man, there’s an entire *industry *built around that. People pay good money to counsellors, 900-lines, and bartenders, just so they can talk about themselves. You let them do it for free, you may have to beat them with a stick to get them to stop…
Argh, that “gotta run line was supposed to be at teh end” -sorry
I know this sounds like dumb advice, but try relaxing when you meet people. Don’t go at a person in desperation to make a friend. Just relax, smile, and try to be friendly. If you come on too strong it’ll creep people out, make them wonder what you’re after. You can smell desperation on someone. If you hit it off, say, “Hey, this has been a really cool conversation, would you like to swap emails so we can talk later?” Getting someone’s email doesn’t sound like quite so much of a pick-up line as asking for their phone number.
The biggest part of getting comfortable with talking to people is socialization. You just have to get out there and talk to people until you work out the kinks and get into a rhythm. It may not work right away, you may not make friends with everyone you meet, but it’s so important just to keep socializing, because every encounter is one more step forward. I know that sounds like such piddling advice when you’re lonely and want human company, but it does get better.
Getting into a hobby or volunteering your time is great because it helps build your confidence, and that makes you feel better about yourself, and people pick up on that. People are drawn to confidence. It’ll be good for you because you’ll start feeling like you have something to offer people.
You said you don’t know how to pick things to get interested in, but isn’t there anything you want to learn how to do? Cooking? Swimming? Guitar? (Okay, private lessons might not help you out so much, but at least it’d give you something to do!) Take a class in something you want to know how to do. You’ve got a ready-made conversation with the other people there: “Yeah, I used to swim when I was little but I haven’t done it in years” or “I can’t cook anything but mac and cheese!” Everybody else in a beginner’s class is a little nervous and giggly, too, because nobody knows how to do whatever it is, and even if most people know other people you’ve gotta sit with somebody. Classes can, in that way, be easier than clubs and such. (Note: going alone to, say, a ballroom dance class where everybody else has a partner is more of an expert level social interaction.)
So, basically… I should get off, get up, and get out, eh? I can live with that. That actually sounds like a lot of fun!
As for study groups and reading, I have to admit that I have an unnatural hatred for reading. As in, I see a book and I immediately want to slam it onto the ground and stomp on it until it breaks (kinda difficult, I admit) and then tear it apart and buuuuurn it :mad: You can probably thank college for that. Anyway, I like seeing people and hearing what they have to say, just not when it’s all condensed into tiny non-interactive words on a page.
But as for the people, I would absolutely love to meet some new folks. I’ll try the questions thing and see how far I can get without getting the cops called on me. Gotta watch that creep factor 
I know I shouldn’t seem desperate (even though I am), and I’ve been okay with that so far – in fact, I think now I’m at the other extreme where I seem disinterested (which I’m not). Finding a balance between the two is hard and it seems like I have to conciously gauge myself on the creepiness-vs-apparent-boredom meter all the time, while other people seem to be able to just talk naturally. Are they actually, or are they conciously doing the same thing?
A job’s a good idea. I recently quit my last job (working as an intern at a software company) because it was too time-demanding for college. I’ll see if I can’t find anything that’s easier on the time and also more social… any suggestions?
And M-i-ss-i-ss-i-pp-i-e-nn-e, that’s actually the life of my dreams. I’m not passionate about much, but traveling is one of those things I’m really starting to like and I’d really, really like to volunteer my time someplace. How did you get involved with all that – especially Americorps and the Red Cross? Actually, do you think I could email you about this? I checked out their websites and also volunteermatch but I’m still not quite sure how to get involved, and if you’d be willing to share a bit of your experiences and how you got started, I’d literally walk out the door this second and go do it. I’ve been wanting to for a loooong time.
madmonk28 and garygnu, I don’t actually have a declared major. I’m an undergrad in a community college and I’m still just taking general eds in preparation for an eventual transfer – if I can ever find a major. garygnu, I’m both really boring and a total geek without any geek friends… but the thing is, (and no offense to other geeks) I’m tired of all this and I want to get out there and see more of the world. I don’t know what kind of cave I was living in the past fifteen years, but recently I’ve begun to see that people are actually kind of fascinating and I wanna see more of them. I live near Caltech and several of my former bosses were alumni, so believe me, there’s no shortage of geekdom in the area – the mean IQ in this zip code must be outta this world. But, personally, I think there might be more to the world than academia and I want to see more of it!
Zsofia: Good idea as well. This time around, I’m mainly taking required classes. Next time, though, I’ll try to find something that sounds interesting. There’s gotta be SOMETHING good in that disgustingly thick catalog!
You’re not talking to the right folks if video gaming isn’t a conversation starter.
Classes don’t have to be through your college. Try taking a photography or drawing course through an art store or community university. Try a knitting class from a local yarn store. Take up climbing at a local gym (you have to talk to folks to climb). Go to a gaming store and join a game.
Go travel. You’ll have something to talk about!
Oh man do I ever feel for you. My first year of College was one of the worst of my life. I didn’t know anyone, I lived in a dorm where four of us shared a unit, and we had separate bedrooms and shared a kitchen and bathroom. Well two of or my roommates didn’t speak English and the other one was a social butterfly and was never there. I used to spend all my time in my room with the lights off and my TV turned down low so that my roommates wouldn’t know that I never left.
And I don’t think that I can give you any advice that hasn’t already been said. I got a part in a play and met a great group of people. The next year I was more involved in theatre and eventually chose to do that as a profession. I transferred schools so I could take a theatre intensive program and have not looked back.
I guess it goes to show that a new hobby can be a life changing event.
I don’t care where you are, there have got to be tons of gamers in your area. They’re everywhere. Hell, I’m dating one, and I’m a reasonably attractive person so apparently that’s not a turnoff for everyone!
The boyfriend and I were in Game Stop the other day and he just picked up some strategy guide and the guy behind the counter was like, “Hey, do you play such-and-such?” and they had an instant 30 minute conversation going. And the guy gave him 20% off the strategy guide. So see, instant gamer friends can be made.
Also, do you have a job? If you don’t go get one. Practically all of my current friends are coworkers or ex-coworkers. You can only spend so long in close confinement with someone before you start talking and getting to know each other.
First off, don’t worry too much about what you “should” be doing. In my mind, I’m a big punk rock party girl. In reality, I usually prefer spending Friday night warm and snuggly at home with a movie than hanging out at some party with people I don’t know. Sometimes it bugs me that I don’t live the life I think I should. But the truth is, I don’t actually enjoy that life much. So while it’s not healthy to stay in all day, I wouldn’t freak out about wasting your youth if you spend a few weekends in. In the end, when you really need to meet people or get out, it will happen. When you are ready, you will do what it takes. If you set your sights too high, you might give up. But if you focus on doing what you really want to do, you’ll suceed.
A good start is to limit Internet time. Use it only after a certain time, or for a couple hours a day. Instead, develop a few things to do. Go out to a coffee shop. Go for a walk in the neighborhood. Spend some time in the library. Go out to bars. The truth is that we’ve lost the “public square”, where people have socailly sanctioned ways of meeting each other. So you have to go to the few public places left and hope. 99% of the time you’ll probably sit there sipping your drink feeling alone and depressed. But if 1% of the time you meet someone interested who you keep in touch with, it’ll be worth it. Even if you don’t like bars, go to one and order a Pepsi and sit for a while. People will eventually talk to you- bares are one of the few places where it’s cool to talk to strangers. Eventually it will be worth it.
In the meantime, make friends with yourself. There is nothing wrong with being a little bored. Nothing wrong with being a little lonely. Use that time to learn more about yourself.
Finally, remember that nobody is going to do the work for you. I used to wonder why none of my friends never invited me anywhere. Then I started inviting them places and everyone always said “yes”. I used to wonder why talking was so difficult. Then I started making mental notes of things that would make for good conversation and I found the words would start flowing.
And now is my last, generic advice. Travel. Get a side job and save some money and spend three months someplace that you’ve always wanted to go. You will become a lot more confident in yourself and you will never be at a loss for conversation again.
Reply, go ahead and email me. NCCC may be, alas, no more after this year, but I might can still help you out a little.
Find a hobby that doesn’t involve the internet. It’s crippling you, obviously.
Join Toastmasters. I never thought I’d recommend that to anyone (I’m extremely extroverted), but it really is a good way to meet people and find a more comfortable zone when you’re speaking.
25% talk and 75% listen will help a great deal. People like to talk about themselves. If you listen to what they have to say, you’ll find out who they are and if you want to pursue the friendship.
Good luck!
Lots of good suggestions here, from what I read. I didn’t read it all because I’m lazy, so this might be a repeat.
When I was in college I had the same problem as you, and to some dgree have the same problem today. In general, I’m not an outgoing person. To get around this I joined a couple of service organizations when I was in school. One was called Campus Networks, and we assisted with freshman orientation, set up health and wellness weeks, etc.
In general, many of the people in these groups were a lot like me, sort of shy and not very outgoing until they got to know the people they were dealing with. We became friends by working together on the various projects for the service organizations.
One plus about a service type organization versus say, the chess club, is that you don’t really have to have anything in common with anyone in the group. There is more to talk about than just a hobby that the club has formed around. In short, you’re learning new skills and ways of thinking, and you’re learning them with other people that are also learning, so it’s more of a community feeling.
I second the idea of joining toastmasters. I was always shy and had a hard time making friends, but when I started my current job, I went to a few toastmasters sessions. The job was going to require I stand in front of a classroom of people and talk about backup software (now THAT, my friend, is boring). Anyway, not that I’m a great public speaker, but just a few sessions of toastmasters improved my confidence immensely.
Anyway, thats a long winded way of saying that once you get confidence in talking in front of groups of people, you become more confident during small talk, which translates to more meaningful conversations when one on one.
Not sure how helpful this is, but the life you described actually sounds great to me. Little human contact is my ideal situation. 
Ah, yes. The black hole of community college general ed classes.
Take an elective!
I recommend art classes and obscure sports.
Live a cliche and backpack through Europe.
Buy Game Developer magazine and pick out a college with a pretty ad. (Or pick one with a ugly ad, like I did.)
reply, I suspect you overestimate your own boringness, and read bored signals when they’re not there, because this confirms your own belief about yourself. In some ways, it’s just as egotistical to believe you are the worst as it is to believe you are the best. The fact is, most people don’t pay enough attention to you or anyone else to care one way or the other.
But if you’re truly worried that you’re dull, the folks above have the right idea - ask them (don’t grill them) about themselves. Start my stating a shared experience, preferrably griping about something - example, “This freaking bus is taking about a century to arrive!” when you’re waiting at a bus stop. They’ll either agree, or disagree - either way, you then have something to latch a question on to - “Oh, do you take this bus often?” From there you can move on to job, major, home, whatever and wherever, all with little or no risk of boring anyone but yourself.
Something I strongly recommend for you specifically is to find some way to help someone else. Volunteer, tutor, something that actually makes life a little easier for somebody - Habitat for Humanity was mentioned earlier. If that doesn’t appeal, search out your local Unitarian church or Quaker meeting house and ask them if they know of where help might be needed (assuming that you have no personal religious affiliation - otherwise go to the church of your choice). There is nothing quite as good at making you feel strong and powerful and just plain good as helping another person. Plus, it will give you something you can talk about to others that doesn’t involve computer games or the internet. Just don’t become fanatically cause-y, because that’s the most boring thing you can do!
Find a community theater group and join the stage crew. No special talent is necessary, just a willingness to help build and move scenery. It will give you something to do and plenty of opportunities to meet people and form friendships.
Add me to the list of people recommending Toastmasters. You will not only learn how to speak in public, but they have a high variety of subjects for projects. You might find a new interest that way as well.