Help me to not feel like this young woman is full of it.

The BBQ Pit
1

OK, “full of it” may not be the right phrase I’m looking for. I think she’s sincere. I don’t think she’s exaggerating her frustration. I don’t think she’s making up anything. But I still can’t help by roll my eyes at this entire piece.

Too Fat to be a Scientist?

I’m going to start off by saying I really try to understand where people are coming from when they expose their emotions like this. And I have a sensitive heart for the bullied underdog. I absolutely abhor meanness and insensitivity. So I started reading this piece with a sympathetic ear.

But WTF.

First off, she recounted a whopping total of TWO personal negative encounters with fat-bigots. Three, if you count the infamous offensive tweet from the professor addressed to graduate students, which wasn’t directed at her personally. Now, I’m sure she would say that she’s been dealt with more than two blows in her life. But she’s lambasting the entire world of science. As much as she touts her educational credentials, that’s some weak data analysis right now.

Secondly, cry me a fuckin’ river, honey. She wants to throw away four years of hard work because she’s faced adversity that a steadily shrinking percentage of the population hasn’t had to deal with. What kind of over-privileged nonsense is that? I hope the taxpayers didn’t help pay her tuition. Because that’s wasteful…to throw away society’s investment just over some hurt feelings. Science is swarming with giant meanos–folks who LIVE to humiliate and denigrate. If it’s not your fatness they target, it’s your gender, your class, your race. Your accent…the fact that you went to a state school instead of an Ivy. Whatever you name, there’s a hater that specializes in it. Being obese is a disadvantage–one that I’m not going to belittle in any way. But it is not unique. And because it’s not unique, her flouncing is a slap in the face to everyone who will never be able to pursue their dreams due to lack of opportunity.

Thirdly, she seems to think that science is losing out because she’s decided not to pursue it any longer. Sorry, but that’s delusional. The last thing science needs is someone who gives up easily and can’t grow a thick skin. It also doesn’t need any more people with delusions of grandeur. Her greatest achievement in life has been to graduate with a bachelor’s degree, and she’s willing to throw that out of the window just because of hurt feelings. Two things which make her cheaper than a dime a dozen. Why wouldn’t scientists around the world let out a sigh of relief?

Lastly, what happened to “I’ll show them!” Yes, bullies suck. I wish every bully would spontaneously combust right now. But you can choose to have your name forever associated with the bullies’ defeat over you. Or you can choose to show them they’re wrong and one day, with lots of determination, become the scientist of your dreams. Which one is more likely to evoke positive change? Which is embarrassingly pathetic?

The internet is such a wonderful thing. But it’s way too easy to publish rubbish like this nowadays. Everyone’s entitled to their thoughts and opinions and feelings, but not every voice needs to be given a platform. This is one of them.

2

TFDR. Too fat didn’t read. In common with most people I don’t read pieces by self-confessed tubs of lard.

Seriously though I’m afraid I cannot help you in your stated aim because I feel just the same. She is, most assuredly, full of it (as well as full of the contents of the fridge.) Doesn’t she realize that that there is a long list of famous fat scientists? Actually I can’t think of any, maybe she’s right, she’s way too fat to be a scientist.

3

I have strong feelings about fat prejudice and would like to see it stamped out ASAP, but I pretty much had the same reaction to this article that you did. Yes, she ran into some prejudiced assholes. No, she shouldn’t have been spoken to or treated that way. But yeah, she does sound like a whiner and a quitter. I mean, I’m reading the article and thinking, “yeah, that sucks… yeah, that sucks too… jesus, that really sucks… WAIT, YOU’RE QUITTING? WTF?”

I very much agree with your second point. You don’t go through all that money and effort and work just to flush it down the toilet because some people were mean to you. She didn’t even make it into graduate school, for god’s sake.

4

And, I am now realizing that this thread is going to be full of hilarious comedy about how FAT PEOPLE PUT THINGS IN THEIR MOUTHS AND EAT THEM A LOT HAHAHA. Yay.

5

I’m going to do my best to ignore them and hope they don’t ruin things too much.

6

Science is full of flaming assholes. The level of aggression and obsession the field requires for sucess tends to breed them. I hope someday that being a flaming asshole will be less socially acceptable in science - it already is less socially acceptable in science than it used to be. While someone in science will always need a thick skin about reviewer’s comments, I don’t think you should have to have a thick skin about personal interactions - the onus should be on the jerks to get their acts together. And she certainly ran into some real prize assholes.

But in my experience as a fat, female, reasonably successful scientist, there is probably less prejudice here than elsewhere. Scientists, on average, tend to be slimmer, but fitness correlates directly with educational level and salary across society, not with science in particular. In my experience, scientists tend to treat obesity as just a fact: humans are bad at losing weight.

I wish her luck in her future endeavors, but I don’t think she’s going to find a community that is substantially less prejudiced about body size than scientists. Hopefully, she will find one that has more tact.

7

Sorry, I’m not going to be any help. If she can’t buck up and defend herself, she’s right - STEM isn’t for her, but not because she’s fat.

She sounds like she wasn’t very comfortable with her classmates, and she’s blaming the entire mismatch on her weight, well, specifically on other people’s judgements about her weight.

There’s no shame in realizing you picked the wrong field of study. What I’m not liking is the shrill victim tones of ‘it wasn’t my fault, they were mean to me!’ radiating out of that article.

I believe her, but like you said - they’re mean to everyone.

The black boy in your class will get side-eyed because he’s black. The latina will get pegged as a night nurse and asked how many kids she has. Even that slim petite white girl will get snubbed because obviously she’s not got any brains under that blonde hair.

Grow a thicker skin, a backbone, and fight back by proving them wrong. That’s much more powerful ‘advocacy’ than crying in the corner that someone has to make them be nice.

8

My experience is that scientists are generally way too up their own fundaments with their own work to give even a tiny bit of a shit about what anyone else is either doing or looks like.

9

Being on the receiving end of hateful comments is corrosive. It probably wasn’t just the couple of incidents she mentions here. It was probably just the last straw.

And no, I don’t really feel that “suck it up” is an appropriate response to someone who is struggling in the face of prejudice and hatefulness. We wouldn’t tell a black person facing racism to grow a pair.

I was going to write that we wouldn’t tell a woman facing sexism to get over it, but on second thought, we mostly do. “It was just a joke” is also not a remark that swings any weight with me.

10

Does she think that there isn’t fat-phobia in pretty much every profession? it is a factor of being in the work force, there will be people who make derogatory remarks about your weight.

So yeah, suck it up or do something about it.
(yes I am a fatty too)

11

I’m wondering what career she has in mind then where she will never hear comments about her weight. She can’t discard *every *field after hearing a snide remark, or even concern for her health. What a quitter.

(didn’t see Adhemar’s comments before typing- looks like we have the same thought)

12

There are tons (sorry) of people working in scientific research and related fields who are overweight.

This undoubtedly includes people who are morbidly obese. No idea if the author of the article is in that range, but if so there are probably negative vibes from some people that could make getting ahead in one’s field more difficult - no more so than in many other fields.

It’s not necessarily fair*, but not an insurmountable obstacle** either.

*if you’re applying to be a personal trainer, it’s pretty fair.
Morbid obesity does come with its share of health problems, and someone leading a research team might get the idea that such a person is less dependable than others. If the person is a brilliant prospect, their weight is more likely to be overlooked.

**didn’t mean that the way you’re thinking either.

13

One factor encountered at a former workplace was an employee who was directing clients to add extra floorspace around their computer equipment - more than the manufacturer’s recommended footprint - because he would be unable to squeeze in and service them otherwise. He was also requiring two airplane tickets for the extra seat he needed to occupy his girth. I can see some companies not wanting to incur extra expense, and create issue for their clients - and clients balking about allocating more space for equipment because their technician was so overweight.

14

She objects to the tweet from the professor who says obese Ph.D. candidates won’t have enough willpower to do a dissertation. Although this is an assholish remark, I would say that if you’re so thin-skinned that something like this is going to have the slightest effect on whether you continue in science, you’re too easily influenced by the opinions of others to make it either.

One of my female acquaintances is obese (and also a lesbian) who is also a successful and accomplished scientist at a university. While I have no doubt she has been subject to discrimination on a number of those factors, it hasn’t seemed to have held her back.

15

I don’t even think it’s about being fat. In any social environment you’re going to run into people who will make disparaging remarks about you. If you’re not fat, they’ll just pick on something else like your race or gender or religion or height or accent or hair color. If they can’t think of anything else, there’ll be comments about how you’re “too perfect”. They’ll figure out something you’re vulnerable on and make an issue out of it.

You’re not going to avoid this so the issue is how you handle it. This woman appears to have not yet figured out how she will handle a little hostility directed at her.

16

Speak for yourself. If a black person wrote something like that, I would most certainly would roll my eyes at them and tell them to buck the fuck up. To be fair, I would feel comfortable doing so as a black woman scientist. But I’d hope that anyone would feel equally comfortable to grab some like that by the shoulders and shake some sense into them. You can be sympathetic to their pain without agreeing with their conclusions and approving of their decisions.

There’s nothing wrong having hurt feelings and feeling fed-up about people’s attitudes. There’s also nothing wrong with deciding you’re out cut out for something. But it is shameful to express your whinyness in the way she has, an expect to change people’s minds in a positive way. All she’s done is confirm to the haters that they were right in believing that fat people are weak-willed losers.

I expect her next composition will be, “No One Will Hire Me Because Google Told Them I’m a Cry-Baby.”

17

We’re not saying people need to suck it up or get over it. We’re telling people to deal with it. And that includes calling people on their shit when they’re abusive.

But running away because people are mean to you? That never solves anything. Because the people who were mean to you in the past are still out there doing the same thing and wherever you’ve run to you’re just going to find a new group of mean people.

18

I think there’s a big difference between “grow up and stop letting this stuff bother you,” which is dismissive and annoying, and “you shouldn’t let this bother you to the point that you quit your entire field over it,” which to me just seems sensible.

She’s not wrong to be upset; she’s wrong in how she decided to react to that upsetness.

19

I’m a fan of anti-bullying policies (the reasonable approaches…not the ridiculous “zero tolerance” crap). But I wonder if this piece is just a prelude of more whining to come because of how schools are handling bullying nowadays.

Kids need to learn attitude and defensive posturing. If someone is throwing shade on you, you’ve got to throw it back. Say “fuck you” if you have to. You DON’T have to give someone a weak smile and let them trample over your feelings, even if they are in a position of authority over you.

I’m worried that in our attempt to solve the bullying problem, we may be unintentionally robbing our kids of valuable lessons. If your whole life you’ve been taught to run to the teacher if someone hurts your feelings, maybe you grow up to be someone who runs to the internet…as if this alone is supposed to do something. I dunno. Maybe I’m worried for no reason. But I won’t be surprised if this turns out to be an unintended consequence of well-intentioned policies.

20

You’re missing my point, if indeed you were reflecting on my post, which I guess you were. The woman’s piece invited parody. She herself threnodized on her weight, which really was of no relevance whatever to her chosen path. I merely supplied the chorus.