Help! My girlfriend is a Christian.

Ok, I’ve thought about starting this thread many times in the past, but in my head it’s a much longer and more detailed post. This is the short short version because I just want to get a teensy bit off my chest right now.

I can’t tolerate christianity. Sorry, I’ve tried, and I really wish I could, but I can’t, and frankly I don’t see why I should have to. I don’t openly criticize it unless someone else starts it, but unfortunately it comes up every so often between my girlfriend and I and I can’t bring myself to keep my mouth shut.

Tonight we were on the phone and I asked her to come over. She said she would but she would have to wait until after advent. …Advent…I’ve read the entire bible, I’ve taken bible classes, I’ve even been to church a few times in my life, and I have never heard of advent until I started going out with this girl. I did a little bit of research and it turns out that advent has nothing to do with the bible, it was created by some guy around the 6th or 7th century, and it’s primarily a catholic thing (she’s not catholic.) So back to our phone conversation. I said something about advent being a “cultist ritual” and she got a little miffed and said she wasn’t coming over. I’m not sure if she was joking or not because I had to get off the phone because The Simpsons were coming on.

What if she wasn’t joking? I really love this girl, and she says I should respect her beliefs but I just can’t. In my eyes anyone who seeks out facts and uses logical and rational thought will easily come to the conclusion that Christianity is a fallacy and therefore I can’t respect anyone who refuses to come to that conclusion. Don’t attack me based on that last sentence, I love my girlfriend and I respect her very much, I just can’t bring myself to respect her religious beliefs.

I know you can say that by saying this I’m just as stuck up and close-minded as christians but the difference is that I am completely willing to change my ideas based on new evidence. I’m not even sure that my way (atheism) is right, I’m just saying that their way is wrong. Is it really so wrong to state the fact that christianity has no evidence to support it? And is it really so wrong to point out the errors in basing your life on something that has no evidence to support it? Am I such a disrespecting jerk for this?

I love my girlfriend and I would really hate to lose her but what if she laid it down one day that it was her or atheism, not both? What if we had children one day and she tried to bring them up as devout christians? I’ve seen that screw up some kids pretty bad (several of my cousins and extended family.)

I don’t want to force her to be an atheist anymore than I want her to force me to be a christian, we just can’t seem to find a middle ground :frowning: .

:rolleyes: I think you’re going to have a lot more issues other than religion in your relationship.

I read your OP twice and couldn’t quite figure out if you were joking or not. It’s almost too…patently immature to be taken seriously.

No, our relationship is really good actually. I think the point you’re missing here is that it was The Simpsons that was coming on. She completely understands this and has no problem with it. We’re not big phone talkers. Our longest phone conversation in two years has probably been 10 or 12 minutes (except maybe in the first couple of weeks when we were just getting to know each other but that’s beside the point.)

Rest assured the OP is 100% serious.

First off, in preview, what jazzmine said… (are you for real, Cisco?) But, taking your OP on face value…

What if what if what if?

Just ask her how she feels.

Making huge leaps, aren’t we? ASK HER. She may not be bothered that you are an atheist, as long as you keep your big yap shut. Who knows until you ask?

I think there is a possiblilty that the main problem you may have with her is not the differences in your beliefs, but the fact that you may not be able to keep your big yap shut about her beliefs.

But, whatever. Dump this girl you love and respect, then. I don’t know what else to tell you at this point.

As I said in my second post, yosmitebabe, we’ve been together for awhile so she knows I’m an atheist and she’s normally cool with it outside of these occasional religious headbutts (outside of which I am also normally cool about her xtianity.)

One of the problems though is that her grandfather was a devout atheist and her grandmother finally converted him after 30 years or something. Apparently her grandmother has put the idea in her head to keep trying and she will eventually convert me too. This causes the occasional problem of her often saying “just remember, Jesus loves you, even if you hate him” randomly.

I think you’re both in trouble if she said frankly

and you’re flipping out over that instead of just saying, “Oh, I see,” and continuing with conversation. Try to see the difference between a true “religious headbutt” and your girlfriend simply answering your question honestly. This can work out, you will both simply have to make sure that little things like this don’t set either of you off and that you mutually respect each other’s religious beliefs.

You could both compromise and become pagan.


Dump her. I don’t know what else to tell you. Tell her to stop hoping that you’ll convert, or dump her. Or, ask her if she really minds that you secretly don’t respect her beliefs, that you cannot abide Christianity and feel contempt for it, and show her this thread. Ask her how she feels about this thread. Should be pretty interesting.

You say you love and respect her. So, either get over this, or dump her. If this is how you really feel, don’t waste any more of yours or her time—end it now.

When it comes to the existence of a Supreme Being, there aren’t any absolutes. We can’t prove that a Deity does exist, but we can’t prove that one doesn’t, either. It’s all about belief and faith. You’re an atheist? Fine. She’s not? Fine.

But you’ve been with her for two years now. Sounds like a committed relationship to me. This is an issue you’re going to have to work through, and if you want to keep this lady, you’re both going to have to make some concessions, or else it really will eventually come down to her or atheism (or her making the choice between you & Christianity).

And I’ve got to ask, though, about this:

No evidence to support what? Creationism? Some of the Bibical stories? The miracle stories? I’m not sure what evidence you mean (oh, and FWIW, I’m not Christian, either–I’m Pagan).

One more thing you may want to consider–your average Christians are good, decent people, who live life in the way they think God and Christ would want them to. They’re basically just nice folks, and being Christian has a lot to do with it. Perhaps some of the finer qualities in your girlfriend have come about because of her Christianity, not in spite of it.

This quote bugged me as well, Persephone. Why exactly does Christianity need to support itself with evidence? Religion does not need external evidence to prove it’s viability. All that is needed is for its constituent members to experience moments of the divine.

You shouldn’t be with her if you “can’t” respect her beliefs. You seem a little narrow-minded if you are going to disagree with someone’s belief system. It sounds like “Christianity” is a very significant part of her beliefs.

Break up with her.

I’m serious.

What if you get married. Are you going to get mad every Sunday when she goes to church?

Are you going to fight with her every Advent?

Are you going to be angry every year when she goes to church for Easter?

The answer seems to be yes, you are. So you will fight with her every Sunday and every holiday.

Break up with her.

I am, by the way, Baptist. But I’m not trying to pick on you. I just see constant non-ending problems ahead of you. I also cringe to think of her dedicating her whole life to converting you. It sounds like a bad life for both of you.


Am I missing something? …because it appears that the first statement here contradicts the second.

This seems a bit of an arrogant statement. There are kids raised in all sorts of ways (Christian, atheist, other faiths) that end up “screwed up”, and there are plenty (from all faiths) that grow up just fine. I’m guessing that her opinion would probably be that bringing kids up as devout atheists might screw them up pretty bad.

In any event – I’d say there’s a very high probability that the above will be an issue if you have children with her. I have little doubt that she is going to want to bring them up Christian, and you are going to want to bring them up atheist. Somehow, I don’t think that there would be any mutually satisfactory resolution to such an issue between you.

In fact, out of all the things you mentioned – I’d say this would be the key one. You both may very well come to the conclusion and acceptance that you are unlikely to change the other’s mind. However, when it comes to raising kids… This will be the problem area. If you think you would want to have children with her, you should talk to her about this, and find out where she stands. I think it’s likely that you may not be compatible on this issue.

A relationship doesn’t work if you don’t have the same, or similar belief systems. If you’re religious, you should be with someone who is, and if you’re not, find someone who isn’t. I don’t mean to be a downer, but from what I’ve seen…that’s how it is.

Compromise is a huge part of being with somebody, but it isn’t fair to both sides if you have to compromise your beliefs. Music, movies, and tastes in clothing are one thing, but religion (or lack there of) is something that your life is BASED on.

I’m not religious, I’ve lived in Utah for 14 out of 19 years, and there is no way I could be with someone who is religious…which believe me, made it hard to find someone. I use to think that it would be okay if I didn’t believe in what he did, but it DOES matter. Religion is very important to people, and if you’re with someone who is, and you’re not on that same wavelength, it isn’t fair to THAT PERSON. They want to go to church just as badly as you want to sleep in on Sunday…it wouldn’t work.

It’s a scattered comment, I’m hoping it made a little sense…

Let’s see:

Is it really so wrong to state the fact that christianity has no evidence to support it?


"just remember, Jesus loves you, even if you hate him"

Good one!

Have a real heart-to-heart (hearts, in this context, do exist, regardless of scientific theories) about religion - and, if only this once, LISTEN more than your speak. If she really believes that she will convert/“save” you eventually, then yes, you are looking at misery - some young women view prospective mates as “projects” (some, hell - damn near all of them!) for them to “fix”. If that is the case, and you really feel that strongly about religion (I don’t believe, but I refuse to be a “project”, or treat anyone else as a “project”) then you should find someone whom you can accept “as-is”, and who can accept you “as-is”.

If you both can quietly ignore your differences, then great! May you live and love long and well.

Y’know, I had a strict upbringing in the Catholic church. I didn’t find it all that fulfilling, and eventually I stopped observing the religion altogether.

A couple of years ago, I was dating this woman who would take every opportunity she could to get in a dig at Catholicism (she was Christian of no particular denomination). And even as far removed from the church as I was by this point in my life, it still pissed me off. It wouldn’t have bothered me if she just had questions, disagreements, or even objections to things the church stood for. In fact, that would’ve put her in exactly the same position as me. What I hated was that she knew I was raised in this tradition and yet she openly mocked it, even after I asked her to stop. In my opinion, this was disrespectful of me.

You and this girl need to break up. You “can’t tolerate” something that is important to her. You hurt her feelings by calling Advent a “cultist ritual” and you obviously don’t care. And you don’t intend to make any compromises. That’s fine, you don’t have to. But don’t keep her around just so you can ridicule her.

Let her find someone who can “tolerate” her beliefs whether he shares them or not. And you can find someone whose beliefs are more “tolerable” to you. Everybody wins.

Christians make baby Jesus cry.

Anyway, dump her. Say, “It’s not you, it’s me,” 'cause it’s true.

Yes. It sounds as though religion is already a problem in the relationship, but it isn’t her who has the problem. I’m surprised she has put up with your belittling her beliefs for this long.

And they say romance is dead. :rolleyes:

BTW, Advent is no more an “cultist ritual” than any other religious celebration/activity-- whether it’s Ramadan, Hannukah, communion, a bar mitzvah, saying grace before dinner, or whatever. For Christians, it’s just a “season” before Christmas in the same way Lent is a “season” before Easter.

And it’s by no means “primarily a Catholic thing.” I’m pretty sure most Christian churches mark it in some fashion.

I agree with the other posters and think you guys need to break up. Neither of you seem casual about your core beliefs, and that’s going to lead to major problems down the road. Her priorities lie with her God, whereas yours lie with network television.