Comment in Great Debates August 6, 1945: “Well. it looks like Hiroshima_Chick isn’t going to respond to any of my rebuttals today.”
Thread in Great Debates, 1919: Today Jack Johnson marries a White Woman- Why Not Legalize Bestiality Next?
Ultraliberal post in same thread: ‘I have no problem with that.’
From a BBQ PIT thread, 1804:
[MODERATOR BEAVER RIMMED TRICORN ON]A.Burr, Publius, I’m only going to warn you one more time- if you want to challenge somebody to a duel to the death, don’t do it in Great Debates! Take it to the Pit or to Weehauken, NJ![/MODERATOR]
[THE FOLLOWING PIT THREADS TRANSLATED INTO ENGLISH FROM ORIGINAL LANGUAGES WHERE NEEDED]
BBQ PIT thread, 1514, by Laughs at the Wind:
Fuck These Conquistadores! We Were Here First!
BBQ PIT thread, 1714, by Manuel Gutierriez y Inca
Fuck These Frenchy Frogs! We Were Here First!
BBQ PIT thread, 1754-
Fuck These English pigs! We Were Here First!
BBQ PIT thread, 1774, by Loyalist
Fuck These Troublemaking Militia Folks! We Were Here First!
BBQ PIT thread, 1814, by O. Pio Neer
Fuck These Disposessed Indians! We Were Here First!
BBQ PIT thread, 1844, by Knickerbocker:
Fuck These Irish Gangs! We Were Here First!!
BBQ PIT thread, 1870, by O’Shaughnessy
Fuck These Freed Slaves! We Were Here First!
BBQ PIT thread, 1910, by M. Jane Pittman
Fuck These Penniless European Jews! We Were Here First!
BBQ PIT thread, 1960, Stan Stan the Shtetl Man
Fuck These Cuban Refugees! We Were Here First!
BBQ PIT thread, 1980, by Manuel Gutierrez XIX
Fuck These Boat People! We Were Here First!
BBG PIT thread, 2005, by Joey Nguyen
Fuck These Pakistanis! We Were Here First!
Thread title originally posted in IMHO on June 3, 1860 by Stormin’ Mormon:
Poll for LDS Dopers – How many wives do you have?
Originally posted by Utopian Turtletop on October 14, 1957:
Posted 1939 by G-MAN 1
MY BOSS IS SUCH A PRICK!
Posted April 1865 by Major Wrath Boner-
I AM GETTING MY HANDS UNDER SOME PETTICOAT 2-NIGHT!
Okay, check this out… my girlfriend Clara has really been wanting to see this Our American Cousin play but it’s sold out and who has money to pay scalpers a buck twenty five for seats? So I keep putting her off and putting her off and telling her ‘just wait a while, we’ll catch it when it comes into minstrel show’. Well, today my boss calls me into his office and says ‘Hank, I’ve got tickets to that My Cousin Vinnie in America crap or whatever it’s called, but my wife’s gotta headache and can’t go, you want ‘em?’ and I say, Great! I’m thinking I’m gonna call up Clara on her cell-telegraph and give her the news and she’s gonna be hap-hap-happy! But there’s a catch he tells me, and I say, well, if the seats aren’t that great it’s okay, I’ve still got those field glasses I took off a dead Reb at Second Manassas, they’re bloodstained but you can see through them, and he says, no, the seats are great, they’re in a box right over the stage and I’m like NO FRIGGIN’ WAY! and he says 'Way, but… I gotta tell you the truth, my wife doesn’t really have a headache, she just hates the couple we’re supposed to go with… well, he’s okay really, kind of a downer when he’s blue and prone to dirty jokes and sort of crude, but she’s a total psycho hosebeast who’s either acting like, how can I call it, manic or otherwise she’s totally, how shall I say, depressing. Well who are these people I ask? and he says ‘He’s my boss’ and… okay, I’ve never mentioned this before because I don’t want to sound like I’m name dropping, but my boss is, let’s just say, pretty big in military circles, and his boss is… I’m just gonna say it…
I’M GOING TO SEE OUR AMERICAN COUSIN WITH MY GIRLFRIEND AND THE FREAKING PRESIDENT AND FIRST LADY! I could have shit gold certificates like a Gatling Gun. I don’t care if she needs an alienist, she’s the First Lady! Oh I am getting some manhood under the hoops tonight! I have a feeling this is going to be one evening of theater my gal is gonna remember for a long long time! She’ll still be talking about this evening on the day I kill he… I mean, till the day she dies! (Odd slip of the tongue there, but I’m excited- CAUSE I’M GOING TO SEE THE HOTTEST SHOW IN TOWN WITH THE PRESIDENT!)
The only thing that could make my baby doll happier would be if John Wilkes Booth was gonna be there cause she thinks he’s “dreamy”. And I hear he’s in town and might drop by… could this day get any better?!
Originally Posted by FlapperForever on July 26, 1929 at 4:30 PM:
Reply Posted by MasterMasher at 4:33 PM:
Moderator’s Notes Posted by Camelopard at 4:38 PM:
1936, Germany
MPSIMS - January 1, 1914
Hey, has anyone heard from AmbroseB lately? He hasn’t posted since Christmas. I was hoping to hear how his trip to Mexico was going.
Originally posted January 11, 1665 by Pfermat
I just posted a Truly marvellous Proofe of this Proposition that there are No Positive Integers x, y, and z such that x[sup]n[/sup] + y[sup]n[/sup] = z[sup]n[/sup] where n is an Integer greater than 2, but the Hamsters aten It.
Originally posted August 30, 1794 by Kidd the Billy
Me and Me Mates have been Digginge a Grand Hole! Shoulde we Burrie our Treasures in’t or Investe the Monie Else Where?
Originally posted April 16, 1755 by Moderator
[moderator Hat on]
Boswell’s Buddy, this Boarde does not Allow Posters to Invent their own Citations. In the Future you may not Publishe your Own Dictionarie as Citation for incorrect Spellinge. Consider this an Official Warninge.
[moderator Hat off]
From the 1973 edition of the “Two Truths and a Lie” thread:
Originally posted June 29, 1613 by Moderator
The poster Shakespeare hath been bann’d forthwith,
And sternly do we call the Board to mind:
That Shakespeare was of Francis Bacon’s kith,
A glove puppet of he t’was bann’d in kind.
Originally posted Summer 1969 by CrazyCharlie
Man, I love it here. It feels like one big family!
Hey, anyone want to come out to my ranch, maybe play some music? Lotsa chicks! We play some really cool games too, like “Creepy Crawling”.
Peace, Charlie 
August 14, 1969 in MPSIMS:
May 5, 1937 in MPSIMS:
September 1957 in GQ:
December 3, 1805 in MPSIMS
…
From: MPSIMS June 30, 1908 by ** Siberian Sam**:
What was that loud noise that woke me up this morning?
From: The Pit September 6, 1666 by Sam Peeps:
A hearty fucke you to Tesco for being sold out of Marshmellows!!
Being A Cafe Society Moderator’s Bull, Anno Domini 1457:
It hath been brought to our notice that one Johannes Gutenberg of Mainz hath laid claim to the construction of a mehanical engine that doth, by dint of moveable type, allow for diverse and sundry copies of a manuscript to be made.
Be it noted that such “printing”, as it be commonly named by the many-headed, doth allow for the engendering of many several copies of an original document, yea, even without the consent of the fons et origo, and without fiduciary benefit to such person.
Thus it hath been resolved by grave counsel that a gross engendering by the vulgar populace of such learned writings must be considered a grave outrage. Indeed, the matter hath been referred to Papal authority, who are considering whether such practices, believed to derive from far-flung and heathen Cathay, may not run counter to God’s immutable law, and that the perpetrators may be subject to examination by Mother Church.
Be it thus noted that all such “printing” and references thereto, not excluding sly hints and rumours as to where the like may be obtained, are hereby forbidden forthwith, under pain of the malefactor being cast into the outer darkness, where there is wailing and gnashing of teeth.
From MPSIMS:
Thread-starter originally posted in General Questions at 5:10 PM on March 25, 1877 by NYDem:
Moderator’s Notes posted by cyrusnopheliam at 5:20 PM:
…
Posted Feb 2, 1973 in CCC
Ok, so it’s not funny. Not funny at all.
MPSIMS “The A’s/Giants World Series”, October 17, 1989: