Homosexual Co-Workers Question


If a guy at your workplace hit on you once, outside of work, thinking you were gay, apologized when he realized you weren’t, and *never ever * mentioned it again, would you hold a grudge or hold it against him?

I guess this goes for the girls, too, but I find homophobia stronger in the male population.

Please be honest. Those others of you, don’t criticize if they say they would hold a grudge. We’re trying to be honest here.

Just a -wonderin’.

No I wouldn’t hold a grudge even for one second. I have had that happen to me many, many times especially when I was in college and worked in the service industry. They didn’t really think I was gay but figured that it was worth a try. I always told them that while I was flattered, this pendulum don’t swing both ways.

This was usually while we were out partying in a group. I didn’t even avoid them later that night let alone when we working together. I don’t understand why you would hold a grudge. Some people might be offended that someone else thinks that they are gay but I chose to think of it as a compliment and be flattered that they would be interested in me.

No. I can’t imagine holding a grudge against someone who’s polite and apologized and dropped the subject. You would just be holding a grudge against someone for being gay. Gay people get hit on all the time by members of the sex that they’re not attracted to - are they supposed to hold a grudge against every one of them?

Nah. I’m a lesbian magnet and it’s never bothered me. As long as everyone’s polite about the shoot-down, there’s no reason to harbor a grudge. Now, if someone can’t take no for an answer, that’s a bit unnerving and I might be pissed off for a while. I had a lesbian friend who was very drunk and was hitting on me really hard IN FRONT OF HER GIRLFRIEND :eek: . It was embarrassing, but I attributed it to the booze and let it go.

Whoops, maybe I misread a bit. Is the grudge supposed to be because that person thought you were gay? Regardless, my opinion stands. It’s not an insult if someone thinks you might be gay.

It’s happened. It’s no big deal.

You just get on with life.

If they started being a pest about it - deal with the pestering not the sexuality of the pest.

No, why would I hold a grudge? He can’t help that I’m irresistable… :wink:

Let me clarify a little:

This hasn’t happened to me but my boss is a lesbian, so I doubt it would bother me. I’d be flattered. (Actually I hate to even refer to her as that because she’s such a good boss and I feel like I’m classifying her.) This has happened to my SO but he never held a grudge.


I know people who have held a grudge. I can’t comprehend WHY either. So I was trying to see what other responses were.

There’s no point in holding a grudge. I’ve always viewed it as flattering - just means someone finds you attractive.

It actually happened to me pretty much like your op. I got a good laugh out of it at the time but I was surprised by my reaction when Monday rolled around. I was never hostile but I was uncomfortable around him for about a week. I found myself avoiding him in the hallway and at lunch. After about a week I said to myself this is ridiculous so I went to his desk and just said, “Hey ___, What’s up?” and from then on it was like it never happened. :cool:

A similar thing happened to me happened about a month ago. I was sitting in a neighborhood bar in Gainesville Florida and the redneck of all rednecks sits down on the stool next to me. We talk about nothing in particular on and off for about and hour and he leans over to whisper in my ear. He says “You ain’t no kind of faggot are you?”. I say “Why would you think that?”. He says, “Well, you kind of dress like one (meaning clean clothes and no animal pictures on my shirt) and you are kind of soft spoken”. I replied, “Actually I am and I figured you were too. I thought we had some kind of thing going here and we could maybe hook up a little later”. He got this look of absolute rage in his eyes and I swear he was about to punch me when I held up my left hand, showed him my wedding ring, and said “No dickhead, I am married. See.”

He was fine after that.

I can’t fathom holding a grudge - how would I have been wronged? Someone makes an offer, you turn it down, that’s that. What’s remotely wrong with the event?

I’d be terribly flattered.

Nah, not too much homophobia here. However, there is a whole cartload of involved-with-coworker-phobia, which would definitely color our future working relationship. That, and I’m married, so there’s the not-wanting-to-get-my-legs-broken-phobia should my wife ever find out.

This happened to me several times when I was psych nursing. I was young with long blond hair - quite the surfer boy. Some of the gay guys ended up firm friends. This was probably due in part to the fact that they had sensed some things in common with me and also in part to the very active but insular social lives we led. Their were “nurse’s parties” virtually every week with a cast of regulars augmented by friends and acquaintances.

I would feel much LESS uncomfortable with a gay male coworker hitting on me and getting (politely) turned down than I would a female coworker in the same situation.

I wasn’t hit on by a gay co-worker, but by the co-worker’s boyfriend, so if anyone should be holding a grudge, it’s my co-worker against me (he didn’t). Anyway, no, I didn’t feel any anger or resentment. I felt rather flattered, actually, since both of them are pretty good looking guys heavy into body building.

No problem with it here, like many others I’m just flattered that another person finds me attractive/desireable. Doesn’t really matter much if they are a guy or girl, I figure they’ve both probably got decent taste.

You are exactly right about that. I have both happen and it was much more comfortable when you could just tell the person that you weren’t into that and be done with it. With a female, you have to give another reason that may hurt her feelings and make you both uncomfortable.

No problem here. I’m married (and female), so if it happened currently with an askee of either gender knowing that I’m married, I’d probably be offended to some extent because they’d be expecting me to cheat on my husband, but I wouldn’t let it linger if the subject was dropped completely.