I just remember you saying that anybody who touched your baby without permission was going to forfeit that hand, and thinking Yeah, that’s how it should be. 
So, I promised discussion of my weekend in Maryland. It wasn’t very exciting. Friday night I sat in traffic for quite some time and only had a minor panic attack on the Delaware Memorial Bridge, making it to my parents’ house around 11:30. Then I went to bed.
Saturday, I woke up at 7:30 for some ungodly reason. Mom had showed me where to find the coffeepot and everything I’d need (Mom and Dad just moved into this place, so I had never been there before). The unfortunate part is that Dad had said “The alarm’s on, so don’t open the doors.” And then neglected to tell me the alarm code. So I had to wait until the ole fogeys got up at 10 to go outside for a cigarette. Mom actually felt quite bad about that.
Then it was time to go to my Aunt Nancy’s house for the traditional yearly pool party. Mom and I went to Target on the way because she needed to pick up a couple things, and I scored a pair of shoes, some new jammies (because I couldn’t sleep over with all the other cousins in the skimpy baby-doll number I’d brought when I thought I’d be spending the whole weekend in the guest room), and a t-shirt. If I’d been inclined, I could have gotten more, but I didn’t want to seem greedy. 
And then … the Family. Grandparents, parents, brother and SIL, 2 niblets, 3 aunts, two uncles, nine cousins, two cousins-in-law. It’s chaos. Fun chaos, but chaos nevertheless. Grandma and The Aunts pick something to obsess about at every family event, and this year it was the different body types of the granddaughters. I’m the oldest at 30, all the girls are three years apart, with Jenny the youngest at 15. Probably because we all happened to be wearing bathing suits, we were subjected to a lineup in which Grandma and the Aunts decided who had the same body types and what ran in the family and everything else. I was rather thankful when my mother came out and pointed out that I was shaped like her family and therefore didn’t need to be involved. It’s all because Sara’s boobs suddenly got huge, and the Aunts were jealous, I think.
My family is so damn weird.