How can I approach this girl in a way that's not creepy?

:: Raising hand, jumping up and down ::

Yeah, my first couple years in high school that was me. Start hanging with the Hot German Girl, and suddenly people want you around?
Second stray thought: Does she work somewhere?

I might not advocate this normally, but you’re a teen. Do this. Sort of. But don’t ask ‘Do you think she’d go out with me?’ but something like ‘Is she seeing anyone?’ When they ask why, just say you were talking with some friends and trying to figure it out. They may have a giggle at your expense but, if you’re at least mildly attractive, you’ll be pointed out across a room at a future date and you’ll be on her mind, if only temporarily.

If you want to go really high school, approach her and ask about the status of one of her girlfriends.

  1. Just don’t be creepy.

You can’t teach not creepy.

lobotomy and naf are giving you excellent advice. I wish they gave me that advice when I was your age. Also the advice to seek to create even informal group activities to reduce pressures is a very good one.

I will add, in case it is not clear, take into account that gym/shower thread when you do talk to her.

Also, if she is an exchange student, or hanging out with exchange students, she is both more lonely and more interested in meeting people and doing any activities than you can possibly imagine. She is in the middle of her experience of a lifetime possibly. I have acted as a kind of “big brother” to college exchange students as an adult - it completely changed my outlook on what those cute exchange students in high school would have been like had I been brave enough to just introduce myself.

You are a fine student I have no doubt. Now you are just at an age where you are going to learn some new lessons. Looked at that way, you have done it a million times before, and as you know, perfection at first try never was needed or expected before. It won’t be this time either, you will be fine.

ETA: more good advice during simulposts.

Piff. You’re making excuses for yourself, Vox. Now, I will admit, it’s been a good ten years since I was chatting the girls up in high school hallways, and we didn’t have this new fangled facebook thingy… but women always appreciate a face-to-face contact more than notes or discussions via-friends, especially introductions.

If you can’t finagle some way to find yourself walking down the same hallway in the same direction at the time she does… well, you’re not cunning enough to deserve a girl. Hell, be late for a class, if need be.

Do this. Really.

I speak from personal experience, because I did exactly this to **Rhiannon8404 **many years ago. We were in college, it was finals week, and the only way I knew to get her attention was to sit in the hallway outside her Econ final. The conversation went something like this…

Her: “Oh…hi…what are you doing here?”
Me: “Waiting for you”

We celebrated our 15th anniversary last May.

One thing that isn’t clear from your OP is whether or not the girl in question would recognize you as “someone she knows” should she suddenly be confronted with you outside class. If the answer to this question is no, then I’m not sure this plan will work. But if she has any idea who you are, and has even the *slightest *interest in you, then you stand a good chance that the flattery aspect (“oh, he thought enough to make a bold and potentially embarassing move for me”) should trump any vague creepiness from being “stalked”.

Figure it this way…the worst thing that will happen is that you will find out she really isn’t interested in you. The best-case scenario is beyond your wildest imagination at this point. And no matter what happens, there is no way you will look back and say “I wonder what would have happened if…”
I wasn’t then, and still am not now, a terribly outgoing person. In fact, this sort of thing is really out of character for me. But I gave it a shot, and it worked out.

Go for it.

Baloney. It would certainly make her feel a great deal safer: she’d get to see your picture, after all, and she’d have all the time in the world to think of a way to [del]shoot you down[/del] respond. Just say, “Hey, I found your Facebook! I see you at school sometimes. How are you?”

Baloney! Just happen to mention it to some of your female acquaintances and ask their advice. “Boy, I really like Jenny. Isn’t she great? I really want to ask her out, but I have no idea what I should do.”

Even if you don’t score with Jenny, you’ll be talking with girls. That’s never a bad thing. Who knows? Those girls might like you back, and you just don’t know it yet.

This sounds like a good idea (if the other Dopers agree; I’m kind of getting conflicting advice here), and I guess I probably should do it. The only thing is that it kind of puts Mutual Acquaintance on the spot, but I guess that would be alright. I just have to not keep putting it off, like I’ve done before. (“I’ve got stuff to do this weekend; I should wait until next week to talk to her,” “My hair looks bad today,” and other really bad excuses that sound good when you’re nervous.)

Vox Imperatoris


On Facebook, you write “Hi, I think we used to wait in the same carpool area (last fall, until I got a driver’s license), but I never got a chance to introduce myself. I’m Voxy. You’re always on the far side of the gym from me in the morning, sitting with your German friends, who I don’t really know that well. I’d like to get to talk with you sometime–I’m curious about Germany, how you like it here, what your life is like. When would be a good time us for to talk? Voxy”

Cut and paste. Substitute your own name for “Voxy” of course, and don’t use any of that godawful pretentious Latin until you’ve impregnated her at least twice.

Hmm. Do you kids still do Instant Messaging like we did back in the old days? I think you should start chatting her up online somehow. That’s a good ice breaker. I actually had an outright aversion to my husband until he sent me a sweet little e-mail and I realized he was just a little socially awkward in person (either that or I was–doesn’t matter now.) We fell in love over AIM. Getting started online will be a nice buffer for awkward moments, but allow you to start getting familiar with one another. This isn’t loserish at all. What did shy people do before the internet? I don’t know. But I’ve gotten to know a ton of acquaintances this way and they turned into strong real life friendships in many cases.

I’d definitely rack your brain for any relational connection you two have – there has to be at least one person who’s a mutual friend. Talk to that person. Be on the lookout for events revolving around that person (like parties) where you two might end up in the same place.

Or you could do what I did – pine for years and watch her every move from afar, glean every bit of information you can about her from others without actually directly speaking to her, and live the rest of your life in regret. *

*Not really the whole rest of your life. But damn was he hot.

I’ll have you know that I was once known as “Voxxy-Woxxy” on another message board I posted on, thank you very much. Actually, it was just one person that called me that, and it became a joke, but still. Also, that has way too many x’s in it not to be a pornstar name.

olivesmarch4th, yeah, I’m going to try to avoid that. :stuck_out_tongue: And that’s precisely what I meant by messaging her over Facebook (it has an IM chat service).

Vox Imperatoris

That settles it. You’re Voxxxy from now on.

I can’t speak for naf, but I haven’t had a date in years…:confused::(:smiley:

OK no, not really. But I’m here to tell you, Vox, that it doesn’t really get a lot easier except maybe if you approach it like playing guitar: keep at it and you’ll get calluses.

Vox, you have the power to cloud the mind. Maybe not hers, but at least, your own. Self-talk: “If I won’t go after this one, and I’m REALLY intrigued by her, then I might as well become a monk. I know she’s worth it! I owe this to myself. Oh, okay, sure, give it a week—let someone ELSE start dating her.”

IOW, whatever you do, for God’s sake, man up!

A little “Wonder Years” flashback, anyone? Vox, being across the pond I don’t know if you ever saw this “Coming of Age” TV show but me lurvs it. Guilty pleasure I guess. Anyway they’re a little younger than you but the awkwardness is universal and timeless IMO.

Drama, with Vox’s worst fears (?), begins around 7:00.

Kevin tries to call, imagining the worst. Broadcaster: We’re here live at the Lisa Berlini house…

And the conclusion…

I don’t think you are allowed to use the phrases “old days” and “instant messaging” - it’s not allowed. It makes the 30 somethings twitchy, the 40 somethings mad, the 50 somethings feel useless, the 60 somethings cry like a baby jesus and I think you just killed the oldest doper.

I like the FaceBook idea. Also, in my scenario, you are the one doing the inviting, so no chance of being left out.

I was going to go with Voxilicious Adorus Maximum.

So which do you think I should do (or do first): talk to her over Facebook or talk to a mutual acquaintance?

Vox Imperatoris

Well, you can’t teach someone not to have a creepy laugh or a strange look about him, but I think some creepy things can be avoided.

  1. Don’t tell someone about your deepest innermost thoughts in your first few conversations.
  2. Don’t start talking about how much you are jealous of people who are in relationships and wish you had someone to love.
  3. Don’t stalk people.
  4. Don’t murder anyone. You know, that sort of thing.

You realize by committing to this geek thing you’re in for a lifetime of cluelessness and akward moments with females, right?


Vox Imperatoris

There’s good advice in this thread. I wish I’d read it when I was in high school, but that was way back in the Iron Age when we were amazed by computers small enough that they could be carried by one person.

One thing I learned much later is that it can be useful to disconnect from the outcome of your actions. Take your actions, but don’t get emotionally wound up in the results. That way, you won’t stress about it and you’ll be able to relax and flow in the moment. I know, I know, it’s like trying to not think of something.

And what olivesmarch4th said is important–I remember reading the thread where she described the strange and vaguely-creepy actions of this one guy, and then I was shocked when she went on to say that after she educated him on why they were a bad idea, and he stopped, he turned out to be a good guy and became her husband. She has wisdom.

Hrrmph. In my day, we had to make the effort to be ignored in person! None of this stuff about logging in and checking your ignore lists online. And I’ll have you know I learned my second language by instant messaging, all of nine years ago. You kids and your telepathic modems. Now get off my lawn. :slight_smile:

-Sunspace, 45.