Also, if I do message her on Facebook, do you think it would be a good idea to be honest and admit I have a crush on her, or should I just keep that to myself? I’m thinking something more like “This is kind of embarrassing to admit, but I have a huge crush on you” than “I profess my undying love and will never let anyone else take you away” ;), but do you think the former would still be too forward?
Walk up to her and say “So, I hear your from Germany.” Ask questions and really listen to what she has to say.
If it was feeling good, I’d ask her on a friendly non-threatening date. Maybe something like “A few friends of mine are going out to see Rambo this weekend, did you want to come?”
People like meeting other people. She’s not going to be pissed off or creeped out by one conversation. If it doesn’t work, oh well, right?
You must be the Fonz. Be cool. It’s much cuter to admit later that ‘hey when I facebooked you did you know I had a huge crush on you?’
I do have to say - if just saying hi to this girl is such a logistical nightmare when are you going to have any sort of relationship with her? If you are sticking to strictly after school then use that time to chat her up initially. And you did ask about the FB thing - I would. It’s really non-threatening to just friend someone and it leaves things in the “we’re just students in the same school” to save you face if she whips out the boyfriend from Germany thing, or some other nightmare.
Why can’t you just hang out around that carpool waiting area like you used to? Then when she gets picked up, go get in your car and leave. She doesn’t have to know your car is really working that day…
Doesn’t that seem kind of…stalker-ish…to you? Besides, I might run into other people who would ask me what I’m doing out there, and my school is kind of small, so I think most people who’d be my friend (and therefore asking that) would know what my car looks like. And even if no one noticed, I just get a very creepy “vibe” from that.
Make sure you’ve thought of some non-yes/no questions. Try to connect to things you know and like. “Stuttgart? Porsche’s based there, right?” If you ever traveled there or had a friend/relative who did, you might mention that. Do any of your family trace back to Germany? Be complimentary of the place. Even, “I’ve heard its really great during Oktoberfest” may work.
Reason: if you’re lucky, she’ll pair the good feeling of praise with being with you. If you know a little German, this might be a time to try it out.
IMO the point is not to win her heart at this point—it’s to pique her curiosity and develop a good, friendly vibe.
I don’t know if it’s too early to try meeting up with her, though I like the “group date” idea a lot. Safety in numbers, you know.
I agree very much with the first part, but don’t be too aloof.
I don’t know who in this thread may have been party to the “Mystery Technique” thread that generated so much anger, but one thing I remember from that TV show is that you don’t approach head on. Face-to-face is too intimidating for some women. Standing side by side may be less threatening to you both. But do speak up and be confident.
Second part: well, if he can break the ice and she’s motivated/interested, that will probably solve the logistical issues.
I think a certain amount of feeling like a stalker is inevitable, given these parameters. You’ve seen her but she doesn’t know you. If there were an easy, suave, organic method of getting her attention, you’d have thought of it by now.
Look, you’re going to feel like everybody knows exactly what you’re thinking and doing. Probably far from true but even if it were, so what? Do you think there’s going to be some public humiliation if it doesn’t go well? All over this world, young men are noticing young women and trying to figure out how to break the ice. Anything worthwhile is going to carry a risk of failure.
You have to manufacture an opportunity. If she says no or gives you the brush off, you’re not going to push yourself on her, and that separates you from a true stalker. What I’m reading between the lines (perhaps incorrectly) is that you’re developing feelings about her.
I once got a call from a woman who asked me on a date—a real rarity, that. She was really subtle and oblique about it. I finally said, “Um, are you…asking me out?” She hesitated. “Um, yeah.” So we went out.
At the time I had been in a church choir with her sister and BiL. It turned out that this woman was watching me for months, just trying to get the courage to ask me out. The date on Sunday went okay and I was processing it, trying to figure out what I thought. She called Sunday night to chat. And Monday night. And Tuesday night. And Wednesday night. And…
Point being, she had already developed a lot of feelings for me, but I was just getting in the room with the idea of dating her. She had some good qualities but I felt pressured. She stopped calling. Had she let it rest a couple days, I probably would have called and we would have dated again. But I knew she was off to the races and I was still at the starting gate. Any encouragement from me was going to put her in overdrive.
I think there needs to be a magic tipping point, maybe like how a pressure cooker reaches a critical point where it releases steam so it won’t blow up. If this is meant to be, you need to start on the same page or at least, a similar one. If it isn’t meant to be, you need to put yourself out of your own misery. You need to figure out where that point—I’m going to take action before this builds further—is for you, IMO.
And, young friend, brace yourself. Maybe when you get to talk to her, she’ll be the opposite of what you want. Maybe one of you is an atheist…the other is a regular churchgoer. You’re a doper…maybe she’s an airhead. Maybe she’s all about money and you could care less about it.
“Young men love with their eyes”—Shakespeare, right? Wouldn’t it suck to think you’ve agonized over her, only to find out that the appearance didn’t match the reality by a longshot? And those other young women you passed over because you thought they couldn’t hold a candle to her?
But maybe she is all that you thought. Then obviously you need to go for it. The worst that will happen is that you’ll know you at least tried.
I don’t know about that. I don’t really know who else I would ask as part of the group, and I just don’t think I would be comfortable in that situation. I think it would be more awkward, for me at least, that one-on-one. Of course, if she proposed bringing one of her friends, that would be fine. As for what kind of date, I’m thinking probably a movie. I’ve heard that Slumdog Millionaire is supposed to be good.
And as for things we might have in common, one of my favorite singers isGerman.
Not to be simplistic, Voxxxy, but you could just be in the same place as she is and say “Hi”.
If you prefer, you can say "How you doin’ ", hopefully not in a Joey-from-friends-voice. I like "How you doin’ ", because she can say ‘fine’, and nothing else has to happen, or she can say “very well, it’s looking like a lovely day since my cat coughed up the eraser and my father’s acquittal came through”, pretty much starting a conversation. If she says ‘fine’ just repeat the plan until she’s used to saying hello to you, and then move on to an actual conversation.
Where does she eat lunch? Find out where and with whom and then approach. Approach confidently from a direction where you can be seen. Make sure your fly is zipped up and that your hair has already been combed. Say: “Hi Sally, may I join you for lunch?” If she says no, then say “maybe another time then” and retreat and reapply for coaching here. If she says “yes” then sit down. If she says “why, am I falling apart?” Then say, “why yes, I’m a Groucho Marxist too!” Make small talk. Weather, sports, fashion, cars. Listen mostly.
If this goes well, then ask her “so, how many children shall we have?” If she calls the cops, you are a goner, but if she says “two or three”, you are off to a roaring start.
I say this in all seriousness, Groucho Marx has gotten me more dates (and kisses!) than a funny dead guy has any right to.
As for advice, I’m a proponent of the school of thought of, “Do boldly what you do at all.” Faint heart ne’er won fair lady and all that. Walk up, make her laugh, make an impression, then say you’re busy and you’ll see her soon. Next day, work your charm.
I suppose I should give my thinking behind all that.
First, you need an excuse to talk to her. This is as simple as a, “Hey, I saw you in morning assembly and thought I knew you from X.” Throw in whatever extracurriculars are applicable. (Something to that effect.) This way, you’re not coming out of the blue.
Make a little small talk and insert your humorous story/anecdote/whatever to make your impression. (I like a joke, better to be thought of as funny than any other notable thing at this point.) Then the ole’ “Shoot, look at the time!” move and you’ll talk to her later. (Bring a watch/cell phone!)
Now she’s knows who you are and hopefully finds you intriguing. But, since your first meeting was cut short, she’s left a little curious and wanting more.
Next day, go talk to her and just be yourself, at the end, ask for her info. (Here, I think asking to friend her on Facebook would be an excellent idea, especially if you aren’t quite ready to ask for her number.) From there, talk a little bit (preferably in person, but on-line is okay too), and ask her what she’s doing Friday night. Hopefully she’ll answer “Dinner with you!”
Now, even if she turns you down (NOT a given!!!), you’ve gotten some practice and shown a little boldness that others might notice. Now you’ve piqued their interest.
As for logistics… That one’s up to you. After school could be a good bet, but you can certainly find at least a minute or two somewhere in the day.
Look, lunch is when cute chick has lunch and not at any other time. Skip class and meet her at lunch. Say: “I had an important (name of class here) lecture today, but meeting you and making my true feelings known is far more important to the future of our planet. Will you keep hope alive?” Or some such. Once a woman knows that she is more important to you than practical things, she can’t resist trying to turn you into a bad boy. Skipping class will also get you bad boy cred. Women luuuuurve bad boys.
Also, don’t follow her around whistling “In the Hall of the Mountain King” or stand outside her house at night crooning “Leaning on the Everlasting Arms”.
Neither works, and I have the restraining orders to prove it.
Bonus points to you if you get BOTH movie references.
As a mail-order man of the cloth and Internet friar, I can say this without fear I’m taking the Lord’s name in vain- SO SEND HER A GODDAM MESSAGE ALREADY!
And how would you know?
Seriously, though, if you aren’t lucky enough to run into her during the day then you need to start making your own luck. Either try to talk to her (as in walk towards her and strike up a conversation) before or after school or skip a class or study group and talk to her then.
And talk to her in person, none of this facebook crap. If you use facebook for this you run a higher chance of entering the friendzone than a date. Also, you have to learn to talk to women in person too and the sooner the better.