I say kick his ass, then throw him out.
I had a similar problem years ago, only it was a friend of my ex -husbands.
“Losing my apartment, want to move into the city, can I sleep on your couch for a few days?”
“Sure”
Three weeks later it was four of us (he’d found a girlfriend) in our little tiny one bedroom apartment. He’d made no effort to find a place to live, no effort to find another job, and it was driving me crazy.
We just said “Look, this isn’t working out. We need you to find another place by the end of the week.”
He found an apartment and a job immediately. Once he knew he’d be out on the street, neither the apartment nor the job turned out to be problematic.
If you think he is a nice guy, just level with him. Give him a date where you need him out (not his date - yours), and let him know that will be that. i.e. “Our original offer was for “a few weeks” and its been over two weeks - we will need you to find somewhere else to stay by November 21st.” You still like him and all, you just need him out of your home and your space back by then. And then don’t be a doormat. His unemployed homeless state should not be your problem (and if it is, I can give you a whole lot of other people who have a need to sleep on the floor of your living room).
I would just politely tell him, “hey, we were happy to give you a place to stay for your first couple of weeks here, but we really aren’t looking for a roommate, so if you could plan on being out of here by Friday, that would be great.”
No need for a big fight or anything. As for the food, utilities and housework, that’s just part of having guests. Some people are better guests than others.
I had same problem a few years ago. When “the 'ol bat to the shins” threat wasn’t taken seriously, I grabbed him by the throat and dragged him out of the house.
Solved my problem.
Of course I hope it doesn’t come to that for you. Exhaust all other possibilities first.
I would just lie. Say you that you have been trying to rent the room out for some time for financial reasons, and you didn’t mind him staying there for awhile, but now you have found a potential tenant. It isn’t him, you just can’t afford it any longer.
Yeah but this opens the door for all types of sit-com like antics. He may ask how much the new person will pay and offer to double it. Then Superstar has to hire someone to act like the prospective tenant, but they turn out to be his long lost brother who offers to share the place. So Superstar hauls in some raw garbage to dump on the property in hopes it will be condemned and everyone will have to move out, etc, etc.
Just tell him to hit the road, it’s better for everyone.
Well I’m dropping him off at a employment place on my way to work this morning and during the car ride I’m going to tell him how we feel. Polite but strong.
We are not coping with another person in the house, you need to find a job, and get your shit organised because we need to arrange a date for you to be out… or something like that…
And of course, is there anything we can do to help??
I’m very nervous,
Wish me luck!
This sounds good. I would set a firm date for him to be out though, it will be far better for you.
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Leave this out. There simply isn’t a nice way to kick someone out of your house. This person has taken advantage of your kindness, and any additional kindness will be taken advantage of.
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Just keep in mind that this problem will be over soon, and that it’s worth being nervous and feeling like a bad guy for a short period of time.
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Good Luck!
I had a similar problem once. Being frank and upfront is the only way to go.
The only part that is different from my story is that I knew the guy.
What concerns me about your story is that you make it seem like you really didn’t know him too well before he moved in. I’m just wondering… is he a trustworthy person? Is anything missing? This might not be the case. I can just be a cynic at times.
I do know what you mean about the food thing though. When someone starts to annoy you and they just won’t leave, everything they do is obnoxious, even down to the way they breathe. So, the sooner he is out, the better your relationship can be afterwards.
I just want to point out that this is very, very good advice. It’s just like breaking up with someone – once you realize you don’t want to be with someone, the sooner you face the unpleasant but necessary confrontation, the sooner you can resume living a happy life.
well I did it!
Funny thing, the guy has 2 job interviews tomorrow!
I told him we were finding his presence uncomfortable, and we were worried about him. Also that he needs to be proactive with his job searching etc etc… he said he could feel the tension, and worried for his future himself. That made it easier.
A weight off my mind. But it’s not over yet. He needs to keep his dedication to finding a job… hell a life, past today.
If he’s still here in a month from now you’ll all hear about it.
Great first step. Now you owe it to yourself not to let him backslide. When you stick to your guns you are doing him a favor. Just keep that in mind should you have to send him packing.
Help me understand this -
You invite a stranger into your home after knowing him for only two days. Into your home where your child lives! :eek: How can you be sure he isn’t an ax murderer or child molester? Do you trust your very limited knowledge of this person enough to live in a home with your child?
You continue to allow that person to mooch off your food, use the utilities, and live rent free.
This person makes you feel uncomfortable in your own home and you have allowed him to turn your tranquil world upside down. He is affecting your relationship with your SO.
You have lost control over your computer.
You are now his taxi.
I don’t even know what to say except “WOW, grow a backbone”.
And I’ll say “WOW, grow some tact”.
World Eater, I guess you think it is perfectly okay to move a virtual stranger you have only known for 2 days into your home with your child?
Amazing.
[Cordelia Chase]
Tact is just not saying true stuff.
[/CC]
Tact is not normally seen in this forum.
God, I had an internet friend drop by for a MONTH never paying for anything, pissing off all my friends, etc.
I suggest you tell him he’s only got ten more days, because then your elderly aunt is coming and you need the room.
superstar, we have a gay man who has overstayed his welcome too! Wanna trade? 
Are you crazy Bill? The BBQ Pit was created for us to bitch and whine about how unfair the world has been to us and then have all of our friends give us big huggies and tell us everything will be okay, goshdarnit!
No one is allowed to disagree or voice a difference of opinion. How could I have forgotten?
I apologize to each and every one of you for my horrid display of cruelty and tactlessness when I voiced my opinion regarding the lack of common sense :::sniff::: and the truly awful and mean “grow a backbone” comment. :::gulp::: Will you all ever forgive me?