I would like to state that I cried during ET, I do listen to Barry Manilow from time to time but no, I don’t need an issue.
Also, I don’t think you have to be cold and hurtful to get your point across.
HOWEVER,
If the person was allowing someone to push drugs down their throat in an environment that MAY adversly affect their child or pose a threat to said child, and is more upset that they’re eating the food in said addicts kitchen than the fact that they trust someone they’ve known for TWO days to live in the house their child sleeps in… then I think “grow a backbone” is one of the nicer things I could possibly have to say to them.
And in all likelihood, he’s not dangerous. They probably would know by now. I would keep a close eye on the child though, because you can never be too careful.
Honestly, you really can’t. And that 9 yr old trusts you to keep their home a safe place, ya know?
I just don’t understand how you could know something like that about a person in 2 days, hell my mom was married to a guy for 11 years and had no idea what a truly horrible and abusive person he was.
Whatever the hell you are talking about notwithstanding, telling someone to “grow a backbone” is a callous oversimplification of what actually needs to be done. It implies that a person is weak, which is wrong considering we actually have no idea of the dynamics of the situation, or knowledge of the individual as a person.
I do think the ET comment and accusing someone of being overly sensitive is a little hurtful though.
People react as they react. No one wants to pile-on someone for helping out someone in need, I understand that.
I don’t think you’re anywhere near a cunt though. I don’t imagine a -true- cunt would really care what happens to someone elses kid.
I think if everyone could just lower their hackles enough to see the real issue, I think most people agree that inviting strangers to stay in your familys house for awhile is a bad scene.
My biggest hope is that star will walk away from this with “Lesson learned.” experience and not at the cost of anyones safety, personal property, or dignity.
Yeah, it was a shaky analogy, but I couldnt find a better way to tie in “drug addict” with “person who lacks the foresight to keep strangers out of their house”. Sorry about that.
Yes, “Grow a backbone” is callous. Do I -really- need to search through every single one of your posts until I find a callous remark? You post here, you’re asking for advice and part of asking for advise is asking for judgement.
I’m amazed that no one has pointed out the ignorance of “He is not dangerous, do you think we would let anyone near our home like that?”
Did they polygraph him? Did he come with references? HOW DO THEY KNOW?
In truth, I don’t think that “Grow a backbone” is going to accomplish much, since it sounds more like an attack than an honest suggestion, but as others have said, there’s no way to do this without finding the backbone to just DO IT. I’m glad it appears to be reaching an amiable conclusion, but I don’t think it was WRONG to be concerned about their actions as parents.
The phrasing was harsh but the sentiment was pretty damned accurate.
This gentleman has, in fact, abused the good will of a person who was trying to do them a favor.
It’s a more than a bit hypocritical of you to call us out for making a half-informed judgement on someone while calling the houseguest in question an asshole though, since you don’t have any "idea of the dynamics of the situation, or knowledge of the individual as a person.", don’t you think?
Now this is simply stupid. I suppose you give all your prospective babysitters lie dector tests, and advocate others do as well?
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Well it’s real easy from your little ivory towers to tell people to “just do it” and to “have a backbone” when dealing with life’s confrontations, but it’s a bit harder to actually care why they feel or act the way they do. I’m glad you guys are so easily able to kick so much ass in your lives, but realize you are the exception not the rule.
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Hmmmmm, problem seems to be solved, child not hacked up, no violent events, perhaps he actually handled his own affairs properly. Gasp!
Heh, I notice you don’t have much to say about calling the guy an asshole, huh?
And while a polygraph might be silly, I certainly expect references and a spotless history and yes, a background check when checking out babysitters or daycares or whatever.
And no, I don’t think that it’s always just as easy as saying “Do it.” I know for a fact that it isn’t. That doesn’t make “Do it” the wrong answer though, does it? No, it just makes it a difficult answer.
I think far less humanitarian suggestions include “Throw all of his stuff on the lawn and lock your door” or “beat him up and then kick him out”.
This is not what I was suggesting at ALL. I simply suggested that they should get used to the idea of taking care of a situation that they have created. It’s sad that this guy took advantage of their hospitality, but that’s a risk associated with opening your home to a stranger, isn’t it?
And you’re right, the child isnt hacked up, there were no violent events, and hopefully nothing more subtle occured either.
Would you say that it is a GOOD idea to bring someone you’ve known for two days to live with your family for “a few weeks”?
I’m not quite sure I understand what you’re arguing against, really.
Agreed, but the comment was aimed at World Eater not the OP.
Malk, you have stated the child/stranger thing better than I could so I’ll leave it at that and say “amen”.
About the “backbone” comment - There may be a nicer way to say it, but it still boils down to the fact that Star and his (her?) SO are letting this person mooch their food, home, privacy, computer, and sanity, and they are letting him continue to do it as long as they lack the courage? Backbone? Bravery? Whatever, to not stand up to him and say “enough!” It amazes me that World Eater is so sensitive that his tender feelings are crushed by that observation.
I thought it was a pretty obnoxious comment to make at that particular time in the thread. How you’re connecting the dots between that and my sensitivity is beyond me, but I’ll posit the dizzy bitch thing has something to do with it.
Oh, silly me. If the guy had written the OP, my guess is that the tables would be absolutely flipped. It’s not okay to tell someone to just GET A JOB and QUIT LEECHING off of us, I mean… its just NOT THAT EASY! HAVE A HEART! QUIT BEING SO HIGH AND MIGHTY, YOU CUNTS!
Whatever.
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Why yes, that is my ass that you’re welcome to kiss. Who are you to tell us what we can and can’t say to someone about a situation that doesnt really even involve you?
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:rolleyes: :rolleyes: Reason has obviously taken it’s leave here, my work is done.
World Eater, what on earth are you talking about? superstar posted this thread in the first place because she didn’t know how to handle the situation that she and her SO had gotten themselves into.
She’s gotten suggestions such as, “Scream at him,” “Call the police,” “get up from your computer and tell him to get packed right now,” “Tell him to get out – Quit being nice,” “Turn the tosser out,” “just throw all his shit out front and lock the door,” “you seem like grade A leech-bait,” “kick his ass, then throw him out.”
Bad News Baboon pretty much expressed exactly the same questions/concerns as Diane later also inquired:
She really says nothing different from anything anyone else has already said in this thread, adding the comment, “grow a backbone,” and you launch an attack against her (and now malkavia) as if they’d told superstar she deserved to have her child kidnapped and murdered. What gives with you?
For the record, I agree that it was extraordinarily irresponsible to invite a complete stranger to live in your home, where you have a child, for an indefinite period of time. And once you’ve done so, and it’s now making your homelife unbearably uncomfortable, not to mention infringing upon your finances, it’s incumbent upon you to grow a backbone and ask the person to leave. What, pray tell, is so harsh about that? It’s a simple fact.
Which several posters, me included, took issue with.
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The only difference being the kick in the ribs by Diane with her comment. Coincidentally it’s the only thing I had a problem with, and the reason I’m not calling out BBN. Epoch shattering isn’t it?
I have no problem with this observation, because there are different ways to say the same thing.
There’s a difference to me in telling someone they made a bad call in judgement versus calling them gutless. YMMV
Well, since you asked, no. She asked what to do to actually get the guy out of her house and so far all she’s done is tell him they’re uncomfortable with him there and hopes he’ll be out in a month. It hardly seems like they’re any closer to getting him out than they were when she posted in the first place. Seems to me there was still room for comment on how to actually accomplish what she originally asked.
Uhm, yeah, so? I just said exactly the same thing; “And once you’ve done so, and it’s now making your homelife unbearably uncomfortable, not to mention infringing upon your finances, it’s incumbent upon you to grow a backbone and ask the person to leave,” yet you characterize Diane’s comment as “a kick in the ribs,” and mine as an observation you have no problem with. What’s “epoch shattering” is your contention that “there are different ways to say the same thing,” yet, we didn’t say the same thing differently, we said the same thing the same way.
Well, I don’t know. Do you want to have a discussion on a discussion board or do you just want to have the last word? I’m ok with either one, your pick.
