UncleBill,
Is there a difference between saying “We would like to have you as our guest” and “Sure, you can live with us for a few weeks”?
Because with the excuse you’re making for the backbone-less, that’s the difference semantically-nothing. So instead of offering to let him live with them, they told him he could live with them.
Aaah yes. Poor dears.
Be accountable. Stand up for yourselves and tell him to get the fuck out.
Sam
I’m not surprised at the reaction. Many people in this post said nearly the same thing Diane did. Nearly anyone else on the message board could have said the same thing and they’d agree. Diane says it and she’s a harpy bitch. I’ve seen this in many posts. I swear, some people just see Diane’s name and make up their minds to be mad. It’s beyond childish.
Putting your child in a situation where they are living with a stranger is not smart. Period. And as for the comment of blaming the “victim.” Please give me a break. The man may not have been invited into the home, but when he asked, he was told YES. This does not make her a victim. No one did anything to her against her will. We all have to live with the CHOICES we make in life. I certainly hope she doesn’t live in a state where he has legal residency if he lives in her house for 30 days. Then she might actually have to take him to court to get him evicted.
I’m the last person you’ll see running around saying “Think of the children.” but a parent’s responsibility lies with protecting their child, not housing strangers. I know of at least one parent who lost custody of her child for having a stranger from the internet move into her home with her 11 year old child. The judge read her the riot act and told her she should be ashamed of herself. Although she was a good friend of mine, I strongly agreed.
I’m afraid you misread the OP, hon. I’ll repeat the part that indicates an invitation was extended:
Not that it really matters – I agree with GaWd that the difference is semantic. However, it does make you wrong. 
Is the tosser a vampire?
If he is, superstar, you may have a real tough time getting him out, after you invited him in.
Backbone, hell, you may need a wooden stake.
Thanks Daisy.
It gets pretty goddamn annoying to argue with those select few who have nothing better than to pick a fight with a screen name as opposed to what has been said. Most of the time they don’t even believe what they are saying, they just want to fight. It is pretty amusing to watch them battle windmills and strawmen.
As I said, I don’t know if I should be flattered or afraid that they let my present affect them as much as it obviously does. If anything, I find it pretty pathetic when they start to hump my leg.
At least I am glad to see I am not in the monority in my opinion of the OP. I was beginning to believe I was living in the Twilight Zone.
Why is it bullshit?
It’s a sign of poor judgement to let a stranger live with you. To me, it’s no different than jogging in Central Park in the middle of the night, or going surfing during a hurricane. If you engage in high risk behavior, you can’t plead total victimization when something bad happens to you. That doesn’t mean you don’t deserve heaps of pity and advice when things mess up. It doesn’t mean you deserve all the blame. But you should rethink your decisions and learn from your mistakes.
superstar sounds like me. I live a very quiet homelife and I need “people-free” space when I come home. This by itself would be reason enough for me not to let a person live with me for some indetermined period of time. If someone who wasn’t in my immediate family asked if they could stay with me, I would only give them a week of decency. I’d tell them that beyond that they’d be sleeping at their own risk and hope they’d pick up the hint.
Well, I’ve been called a lot of things…
So, let me just check, no backbone, weiner, idiot who has only myself to blame if my child is kidnapped or raped, not smart, wrong, victim etc etc.
Couldn’t I just have learned a valuable lesson?
Couldn’t I have realised something about myself, and my SO (by the way I’m female and so is my SO), in that we like our space more than we thought, and that my confrontation skills that are a used daily at work but could use a little strengthening in my personal life?
No!!! of course not!
Saying you don’t have a backbone isn’t calling you a name, it is a simple observation that you are being taken advantage of and that you don’t have enough courage to put an end to it, at least to this point in time where you complain about how bad things have gotten.
Please show mw where I am wrong in that assessment.
Saying you don’t have a backbone isn’t calling you a name, it is a simple observation that you are being taken advantage of and that you don’t have enough courage to put an end to it, at least to this point in time where you complain about how bad things have gotten.
Please show mw where I am wrong in that assessment.
To which ** Daisy Mae** replied:
Although I don’t post much, I’m a reasonably dedicated lurker and, having observed Diane’s posts in other threads, I hardly think it’s unfair or even slightly insulting to note that she’s not particularly tactful when she wants to get her point across.
Incisive, acerbic, blunt, caustic, sarcastic and witty are a few of the more positive words that I might use to describe her posts in the pit but not tactful.
The very sight of her name may rub some posters the wrong way but I’m not one of them so please don’t imply that I am.
Now back to superstar:
You came to the board to vent your frustration with an unpleasant situation that was entirely of your own making.
You received lots of good advice and positive * “Oh poor put upon baby, naughty bad bad man…”* affirmative posts.
However, what really stuck in my craw was your own admission that you didn’t want to do anything that your unwelcome house guest could construe as harsh or unkind.
In other words, you wanted to kick the guy out while maintaining your image to both him and, more importantly yourself, as an all round good guy/woman and super duper nice person.
When more than one poster suggested that your ultimate responsibility was the safety of your dependent child, suddenly we became the evil meanies.
You say that you’re chalking this up to a learning experience and that’s all good and well.
However, I wonder if all the posts had been along the lines “Poor pitiful superstar" , you would have learned anything at all.
Seems to me that you’re still more interested in justifying your behavior rather than admitting that you did something rather stupid and now you’re going to have to take some serious albeit unpleasant steps to rectify the situation.
Or in other words, I still think that you’re being more than a little disingenuous with yourself.
I’m not trying to be unnecessarily harsh with you and I honestly hope that this is all resolved to your satisfaction shortly.
Thanks jlzania, I think.
I agree that I can be all those things as well as a bitch, an asshole, and a cunt. It is the Pit. As someone wrote to me in another medium (LJ), the Pit is not what it used to be. It has now become, as that person wrote, “MPSIMS - now with swearing”. It is the same MPSIMS cross-overs who seem to take great offense at the slightest diversion from the kissy/huggy can’t we all just get along mentality (WorldEater in this thread is a perfect example). This isn’t MPSIMS.
I wasn’t being a smartass when I said that those who let the mood of the Pit have such an obvious impact on them should maybe consider not coming here. If it affects you so much that it throws you into a rage or makes you start attacking a screen name instead of what has been written, then why do you continue to participate? I ask that question sincerely.
I am not going to deny that I can be harsh and caustic and blunt as well as the other descriptions but to be fair, you will seldom see that side of me, at least to that extent, outside of the Pit. Not in other forums, not on other sites, and not IRL. Just here in the Pit.
However, I can be blunt and direct IRL with my clients (I am a counselor) and with people in my life, but I am never cruel or tactless. Again, real life is not the Pit.
Sometimes I will pull punches in the Pit, other times I won’t. Everyone here has that same option in their response to me. I know and accept everything that may or may not come my way each and every time I hit that “submit” button.
I just think some individuals need to make sure they are ready to accept what may or may not come their way each and every time they hit the “submit” button.
Thanks jlzania, I think.
I agree that I can be all those things as well as a bitch, an asshole, and a cunt. It is the Pit. As someone wrote to me in another medium (LJ), the Pit is not what it used to be. It has now become, as that person wrote, “MPSIMS - now with swearing”. It is the same MPSIMS cross-overs who seem to take great offense at the slightest diversion from the kissy/huggy can’t we all just get along mentality (WorldEater in this thread is a perfect example). This isn’t MPSIMS.
I wasn’t being a smartass when I said that those who let the mood of the Pit have such an obvious impact on them should maybe consider not coming here. If it affects you so much that it throws you into a rage or makes you start attacking a screen name instead of what has been written, then why do you continue to participate? I ask that question sincerely.
I am not going to deny that I can be harsh and caustic and blunt as well as the other descriptions but to be fair, you will seldom see that side of me, at least to that extent, outside of the Pit. Not in other forums, not on other sites, and not IRL. Just here in the Pit.
However, I can be blunt and direct IRL with my clients (I am a counselor) and with people in my life, but I am never cruel or tactless. Again, real life is not the Pit.
Sometimes I will pull punches in the Pit, other times I won’t. Everyone here has that same option in their response to me. I know and accept everything that may or may not come my way each and every time I hit that “submit” button.
I just think some individuals need to make sure they are ready to accept what may or may not come their way each and every time they hit the “submit” button.
Me, I prefer to attempt to maintain a certain level of civility even in the Pit but that’s just a difference in style.
I also to avoid simply being mean for the sake of being mean or taking a cheap shot.
Please do not infer that I’m accusing you of either, Diane-that would be between you and your keyboard.
One thing I try really hard not to do is to analyze a complete stranger’s motive for what he/she posts on-line-I’m waste enough time as it is, thank you very much.
Yes indeedy and I have have no quarrel at all with the notion that here you pays your money and you takes your chances.
It’s fairly simple. If you want helpful advice and lots of sympathy with nominal criticism-post in another forum.
This is not a tea party and there’s no reason to mince words to avoid offending anyone.
Do something stupid, share it with 30,000 odd people and most likely some one will tell you that you’re a idiot.
Or a fucking idiot-depending on the poster.
I did mis-read the OP, and I was in error regarding the invitation thing. Statement retracted.
Exactly. I just wish more people (WorldEater is one) understood that.
Alas, I fear that the gentle **WorldEater ** is a creature of more refined sensibilities and temperament than we more hardened and crass bottom feeding Pitizens.
Although you’d think that anyone who chose the moniker WorldEater would be a trifle tougher, now wouldn’t you?
I mean, if some one had the screen name Kittenstomper, would you really expect them to be a card carrying PETA member?
Why thank you.
**
Ah, I love the 'ol question their manhood over the anonymity of the internet insult. Classic.
Are we done, or will you continue to amuse me with your silly potshots?
Dianne I don’t think you were being a bitch, and I knew what I was doing when I posted in the pit.
I just thnk some of the later posts of some Doper’s went beyond the necessary. I wasn’t expecting hugs all round, I knew I was going to be told by some to tell him to piss off or worse. But I did take on some of the advice like, giving him a date to be out, a addressing the situation and taking back my home. Which I feel I planted the seed with my first confrontation with him. Which was soft but the beginnng. We have decided now to give him a date.
He must be gone from here in 3 weeks.
I’m not insulted by any of what was said, I was actually smiling as I read the replies. Impressed by the passion some were showing. I’m thick skinned, and my last post was was sent with a little humour. But I meant what I said about having learnt a lesson, and knowing that I will never do this again.
I know it was my decision to have him stay here, and my choice to be pissed off with the outcome. Even though my thread was not intitled " tell me how I’ve screwed up with letting this guy stay with me" but " how do i get this guy out of my home"
knowing I have already screwed up in the first place.
I’ll live, and solve this situation no matter what advice I get, but thanks anyway.