Girls are people, too. Learn to talk to people. Desperation & resentment are not attractive.
Hang in there fella, you are 16, and it is extremely normal to feel this way.
Also, when you do get a girl to go out with you, and she falls for you. Expect it to be exhilarating, and then, awful.
The whole High School thing can be pretty tough, and a lot of those guys that seem to be on a cake walk are feeling the same as you inside.
Yeah, like I said. I don’t only have this problem with girls that I am interested in, but people in general.
The thing is, R3d, people have given you advice on how to meet / interact with people many times before. I’m not sure what new advice or revelation you think will come forth.
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Welcome to Seattle!
This might come off as harsh, but are you an interesting person? Do you have hobbies and activities? Do you know how to talk about the things you enjoy? Are you well read and involved in your community? Do you enjoy witty repartee and engaging with people in general? We already know your hygene is good, so there must be something else to it. Maybe something like Toastmasters would help you.
I think you are putting too much emphasis on wanting to get deeper than superficial conversations. All new relationships begin with superficial conversations, and then as you find common interests, you explore those. When you find you have no common interests with someone, it’s a good indication that you won’t be friends with them. Do you enjoy the company of people in general? I mean, my friends and I have common interests – scooters, music, books, cuisine. But most of the time we just sit around and shoot the shit because we enjoy each other’s company.
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Actually, what I can’t understand is why most girls aren’t even friendly back. It’s just that girls are indifferent to me right from the beginning. See, I would flirt, but I never get to it because from the get-go it’s obvious that they’re not interested in talking to me, even as friends.
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I am a grown up woman who has lots of friends, but I still often try to make friends with people who turn out to be indifferent to me (and I mean friends, not romantic interests). Nobody has an obligation to be interested in us. It’s up to us to be interesting. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn’t.
This is just general advice, and it is not intended to get you girls or friends.
Start working out like a mad man, lift weights and run.
If High School is feeling like a prison, do what the convicts do, lift weights and run laps.
By the time you are 18, you’ll be looking like Mr. Hardbody.
Like I said, it won’t get you friends, but it will build confidence, and that will get you loads of dates and buddies.
Chin up, if the other inmates see you moping, they’ll do bad stuff to you in the shower. 
I didn’t realize you were 16. You’re worrying about it too much. Being 16 is kind of awkward for everyone. Don’t try to research what girls think of a particular approach online. And please don’t start describing dating with acronyms. IOI? Is that from some pick up man blog? Turning dating into a strategy game is for sad men who’ve failed at their romantic life. You’re much too young for that.
Well, I see these people who are successful at my age and get dates easily. Also, I really don’t want to end up like those dudes in their mid-twenties who have never kissed a girl. It’s also frustrating to never really be sure of what to do with your crushes.
But why do you advise against researching what girls think of a particular approach online?
And actually, I don’t want dating to be a strategy game.
Those guys are successful because it just comes naturally to them. It’s probably frustrating to witness, but the fact is everyone has strengths and weaknesses.
I think we can conclude that flirting and dating does not come naturally to you. Your approach to people and women in particular seems off putting and awkward, in contrast to the other boys who don’t even have to try to get dates.
Given that, do you think an even more cerebral, studied, calculated approach is going to improve the situation? I think it will absolutely make the situation even worse. You’re already too analytical. You need to relax and keep trying.
I’m not going to say to try to be like the naturally charming extroverted guys, because apparently that’s not your nature, but actively trying to be less like them will make things worse.
You’re not going to like this, but what about going out with some of the girls that don’t get much attention?
Exactly. I have said before on other message boards: I suck at flirting. I haven’t talked to my dad about this (and don’t plan to) but he has said before that I am too tense and need to lighten up. I would agree with that. Just to clarify, I am not walking up without smiling. I always do smile and would make eye-contact if the girls would allow me to do so…
I don’t care about the amount of attention a girl receives. And no it didn’t seem like my crushes got a lot of attention
However, I do want to be at least somewhat physically attracted to a girl if I want to date her.
Do you just walk up to women you’re reasonably attracted to and start asking them questions with a smile on your face? The way you describe it sounds destined for failure.
You need to actually “meet” people in a socially normal way. For example if you took a tennis clinic and a new cute girl was there too, it would make sense to talk to her and flirt with her. Yes, being able to tell if she’s flirting back is a really essential skill that saves people from lots of embarrassment, but unfortunately it’s something you learn from experience not the Internet.
How did you meet your last 3-5 crushes? Was there any context for you talking to them, like in my example, or did you just walk up to them?
My only option is to walk up to them. There was one girl that I had a crush on from tennis and yeah, she wasn’t interested. I actually asked her our to lunch and got rejected. But even she wasn’t really flirting with me. Friendly at best. So she was an exception. But the rest, yeah…
Right now my wife’s got me in the acquaintance zone, so take any of my advice with a grain of salt.
Do you have a group of friends, like from orchestra or the tennis team? Do you belong to any clubs at your school? At 16, you can have a lot of fun and learn how to deal with the give and take of relationships by being part of a group of friends that do stuff together, rather than trying to do one-on-one romantic relationships right away.
You sound very analytical, and while that is a great thing, it sounds like you are applying it too rigorously to how you interact with your crushes. It sounds like you are following a process or a procedure in these interactions, rather than being natural, and these girls may be picking that up, whether they realize it or not. If these girls are not in some club or class that you have together, it is going to be really tough to start up a relationship. If all the two of you have to talk about is their fabulous taste in sweaters, you won’t get far, as you are finding out.
It is much easier to start a relationship with someone who is in orchestra with you, or plays tennis, or shares your interest in…Dr. Who?..the Beatles?..Annette Funicello?..whatever the hell 16-year-olds are interested in nowadays.
Another benefit of the group of friends is that it greatly enhances your possibilities for meeting a wider circle of people (your friends’ friends, so to speak) without an awkward, cold-calling, sweater-based approach. I remember being 16 and being a lone wolf, I remember how much I wanted a girlfriend, I remember sitting by the phone trying to summon up the courage to dial some girl’s phone number (and we’re talking rotary dial, baby…that thing takes forever to spin back…you had to have nerves of steel to make it through all seven (!) digits without hanging up in a panic) and then getting almost invariably shot down anyways. I was miserable, but some guy friends dragged me kicking and screaming into their circle of friends when I was 17, and I learned to just have fun going to movies, hitting Dunkin Donuts at 2 a.m., playing cards, whatever. The next year, after graduating, they introduced me to a girl who had gone to a neighboring high school but now went to their college. Since I was their friend and we all went to a movie together, later when I called her up to ask her out, I wasn’t some random weirdo lamester, I was that guy who was a high school friend of Jim’s and who said those funny things after the movie or whatever.
Good luck. It get’s better. And then you get married and that’s a whole different world of shit. But don’t worry about that now.
I haven’t been 16 in quite a while and I was never a teenage girl, but I’m still pretty confident walking up to teenage girls and asking them questions has virtually no chance of ever working. You need to find ways to actually meet girls. Your approach has been super creepy but that doesn’t mean you are. Don’t get down on yourself for all those failures - it didn’t stand a chance of working. Now you know it’s really creepy so you can stop doing it.
I agree with those who are advising you to lighten up and stop dwelling on theoretically being alone forever, or whatever it is you’re concerned about. At sixteen half the kids in your class are worrying about this. And you should not feel any pressure to date. When I was in high school there were couples, but mostly everyone else was just in mixed-gender groups of friends. And it was mostly platonic.
I think you should focus first on being able to develop friendships before you think about dating. Girls do not like being treated as sex objects. Friendship is the basis of any good relationship.
It may be easier to seek out women to have relationships with when you’re in college as there are more opportunities to meet people with similar interests.
But that’s why it’s a good idea to develop the skills you need to meet people without coming across as needy or creepy. It’s much easier to learn that stuff when you’re a kid than an adult.
I just wanted to say THANK YOU for not continuing to pursue the girls who have shown they are not interested in you.
There have been so many comments on this board over the years from women who are dealing with guys who won’t leave them alone, and lots of stories from men who refuse to accept that the object of their affection just ain’t interested. I’m not talking about real stalking here, just guys who continue to make annoying pests of themselves.
You’re getting some heat in this thread, but you deserve credit for what you’re doing right.
The gym is actually a very good place to meet people and develop friendships. And working off some of your frustrations would be helpful. And of course, having a nice body doesn’t hurt either. Yes, I think this is absolutely excellent advice.
Ah, here’s your problem. 16 year old girls are retarded, surpassed only in retardation by 16 year old boys. It’ll get better. The key is to be ready when it does. So, work on making friends and having fun with a group of people so that you’re a fun person to be around and comfortable in social situations, which will make your late teens / early twenties much much better.
Bonus advice: learn how to dress relatively well (look at what socially-adjusted kids your age are wearing and emulate it) and get a decent haircut.
I haven’t read the previous responses, but here’s what you do:
- Do stuff you find interesting and care about
- Make it clear to the other person you like them, in a non creepy way (i.e. pretty much anything except stuff like “nice tits!!!”)
- Talk about the stuff you care about, get them to talk about the stuff they care about
- If the date goes well, congrats, if it doesn’t, or they don’t like you back in the same way, you’ll move on in like, a day or two. A week, tops.