I watched “short guy picks up tall girls” and part of “become a beast”…
My thoughts?
All he got was phone numbers, probably bogus phone numbers for some. Also, were those staged videos? Who knows?
These videos are largely intended to garner “YouTube fame” for the guys posting them. They are entertainment mostly, with a dash of common sense advice tossed in.
You already know that being charming and witty is important, so what else is there to extract from those videos?
At least they didn’t tell you to spray copious amounts of Axe Body Spray on yourself.
If you want to help your social game, and to overcome shyness, get good at public speaking.
Being able to speak in front of a group of people is a skill that will help you in so many aspects of life. Not only will it help you pick up girls, but it will help you land jobs, get promotions, convince others to listen to your opinions.
Mastering the spoken word, is a very valuable life skill.
Look for any activity or club that will allow you to practice and hone your public speaking skills.
If I were to tell you to give a 2 minute impromptu speech on watermelons. Would you be able to talk about watermelons for 2 minutes and be interesting, funny, and charming, or would it be a total train wreck? There are classes you can take to learn impromptu speaking.
Public speaking translates to being popular and charismatic. That will help you outshine those YouTube guys.
I’m a woman and my perfect “type” (though I make exceptions sometimes) is short and dark. Brad Pitt, for example, does nothing for me. What I do not find attractive is guys who would want to date me because “dating a woman” is on their to-do list. Women want to be appreciated for who they are, not because they’re the first female not to run away.
But here’s another “pearl of wisdom”. Many people are angry and disappointed because life didn’t “deliver” the boyfriends, girlfriends, babies, great jobs etc they feel they were somehow owed. But there are no guarantees that life will deliver X by timeframe Z, or indeed ever. Neither have you somehow failed if some of those “steps” didn’t happen. Now of course if you are unhappy with the situation, you should try and do what you can to change it. And there’s some good advice in this thread. But please, try not to waste energy worrying and being angry about what “ought to be” the case and work with what there is.
I was pretty much the same as you in high school (and beyond). I was a virgin until I was 29, if that tells you anything. Eventually, though, I figured this stuff out enough that I started dating pretty regularly, and eventually met an awesome woman who was good enough to marry me.
If I could go back in time and give 16-year-old me one piece of advice, it would this: The only reliable thing you can present to a girl that has a decent chance of having her find you attractive is confidence. At your age, I hated hearing that every bit as much as I’m sure you do, but it’s true.
If you meet someone you find attractive, try to engage her about things you find interesting and feel confident talking about. If you find her reciprocating, just try to talk to her like you would anyone else.This may feel artificial at first – doesn’t matter. Keep practicing until it feels natural. You will fail most of the time, especially at first, but so does almost everyone else. Yes, some people make it look easy, but some people make juggling chainsaws look easy, too.
One thing to keep in mind: If someone is really “clicking” with you, you’ll find it surprisingly easy to talk to them and keep their interest engaged. If you’re getting the impression they aren’t interested, you can be pretty damn sure you’re right. Don’t beat yourself up about it. Anyone who tells you this is easy is either insanely lucky or a liar.
I think I also may have just not clicked with any of the girls I have talked to so far, or maybe I would have if I had just been myself. I hear that a lot, but I don’t know how to be myself in front of girls, or really in general; unless I am talking to people I already know well and am completely comfortable with, I don’t really “be myself”, regardless of who I am talking to. Actually, it’s more that I don’t know what “myself” is. That’s the real problem. How am I supposed to be myself when I am not sure what that actually is?
Also, it’s really hard to be confident when you’re getting towered over by guys left and right almost everyday. 5’3.5 is a dismal height. Girls even complain about being that short! It’s that bad. Just the other day I heard a girl complaining about only being 5’3-5’4 and how she wishes she was taller.
I also don’t really know how to just “be confident” and more importantly sustain that confidence level in the presence of other people, including attractive girls. That seems to be the biggest thing. Yes there are days where I am just feeling good about myself, but it’s occasional and short-lived.
R3d, you won’t get dates because you’re boring, introspective, too tense, too whiney, and seem to think that if you were taller and better looking it would all work out.
Thank god Danny DeVito never thought that.
It’s not how you look that’s the big hurdle, it’s how you look at yourself; and since you wouldn’t even date you, why the hell would someone else?
Boring? I wouldn’t say that I am boring per se, but I have a hard time being myself and being interesting when having conversations with girls or even people in general which makes me come off as boring. This problem gradually vanishes as I get more comfortable with that person. Like of course, I don’t have that problem with my (few) friends.
Introspective? Well yeah, obviously. It am just a very analytical guy, and I don’t mean just in regards to dating. In general, in life, I am very analytical.
Tense? Yes, I have a hard time letting lose, often times because I am not even aware of the fact that I am tense because that is actually my default state!
Whiney? Well I am here to talk about and explain my problems and how I am feeling. And this is how I am feeling. I am very honest here about this and am willing to admit pretty much every feeling here and won’t deny that I am desperate or whatever it is you suspect about me. Also, it’s not like I whine in the presence of other people (excluding people that I know well).
I think that if I was taller and better looking it would all work out? Yes, I do. For one, I wouldn’t be as insecure, so I would naturally be more confident. Second, being tall and white would in and of itself would be better as looks at the very least, do matter to an extent. Physical attraction is very important in a romantic relationship. Being tall and white would appease me because I would know that at that point it’s a level playing field, so I can be almost completely sure that I am not getting rejected because of my height or race (or both), but solely due to factors I have cobtrol over which would in turn give me more motivation and increase my morale. Well, I am motivated enough now. I meant that I would be able to give extra attention to factors that I can control because I wouldn’t have spent this much time dwelling over these things. Also, I was going to say, even if I could just have one insecurity removed, that would do a lot for me. Only having one major insecurity is manageable. It is that I have TWO, kind of like how in chess, you can defend one weakness in the endgame, but if you have two weaknesses, you will most likely lose the game because if you defend one weakness then the opponent will just pressure the other and it is just nearly impossible and in some cases literally inpossible to get even a draw at that point. Two weaknesses in your position together makes it very hard to play chess, kind of how two insecurities combined are making dating very difficult for me.
And that is what demoralizes me. As if dating already wasn’t difficult enough, especially for someone like me. If anything, I needed an advantage to make it a little easier to neutralize the fact that I am not good with this stuff. Instead, i get hit with severe disadvantages that makes it even harder (and by a lot). They say that dating as a short guys is like dating on hard mode…and I needed it on easy…
6ImpossibleThingsB4Breakfast’s advice is harsh, but spot on. Everyone’s advice about acting like a real human being instead of a Youtube character is great. The advice about meeting lots of women and practicing until you’re good at it is great.
But honestly, you come off like a supreme mope. Can you honestly say you would want to date, or even spend time with yourself? If not, why would anyone else want to?
Or put another way, who sounds more appealing? A 5’ 3" Indian guy with confidence, a great sense of humor and love of trying new things? Or a whiny mopey guy who can’t imagine a worse lot in life than being short and Indian but still feels entitled to a girlfriend?
It doesn’t matter what you do “IRL.” Your attitude comes through loud and clear to everyone around you, and they are reacting- consciously or subconsciously- to it. If you were a 16yo girl, would you want to be subjected to the negative vibes that the male you is putting off? Would you want to feel the immense pressure that is being out on you due to the male you’s ideas about relationships? Would you want to find out that the male you watched hours of YouTube videos by pick up artists to hone their ‘game’ in order to draw you in? Hint: the answer to all of these is no.
Dude, seriously, you’re starting to sound a little bit like the weird love child of JohnClay and that misogynistic shooter out in CA. Even if this is the only place you voice these thoughts, the fact is YOU ARE HAVING THEM, and you’re having them often enough and seriously enough that they mess with your ability to function. You need professional, probably weekly, help.
My thoughts are with whatever poor girl you rope in for your first relationship.
Trust me, appearance doesn’t have anywhere close to the effect social skills and confidence do. Unless you are in the top one per cent, appearance alone won’t get you far. The other two things will. At sixteen I thought that, because girls didn’t seem interested, that I must be severely lacking in the looks department. While I’ve never been someone who could walk into a room and catch the eye of almost every woman, my looks are far from being a handicap. I repeatedly saw guys shorter and not as nice looking at me with girls I would love to have dated. On the other hand, I’ve seen people of both genders that aren’t great looking light up a room. There are few guys who can get by on looks alone, even in high school. There are many more who get by very well without them.
Many people are angry and disappointed because life didn’t “deliver” the boyfriends, girlfriends, babies, great jobs etc they feel they were somehow owed. But there are no guarantees that life will deliver X by timeframe Z, or indeed ever. Neither have you somehow failed if some of those “steps” didn’t happen. Now of course if you are unhappy with the situation, you should try and do what you can to change it. And there’s some good advice in this thread. But please, try not to waste energy worrying and being angry about what “ought to be” the case and work with what there is.