Flaw in your analogy: Alzheimer’s makes the person a completely different person. While I’d adjust my expectations of the interactions, I’d still be around them, in their nursing home room.
Yeah, I think having to spend thousands of dollars a year on something you don’t want isn’t doing what you want.
I’m not discounting this as an option. My point is that OP needs to recognize the inherent conflict, and come up with a plan.
OP would have been a lot better off making this decision a month ago. It’s not as though it is a surprise that traditional Korean parents would object to their daughter cohabiting before marriage. So that is my advice. OP needs to talk with BF and decide what is the limit of influence her parents have. Because surely there will be future issues with the wedding, kids, career, etc.
It’s about respect. He’s not smoking in front of his father because his father disapproves of smoking, and he respects his father enough not to flaunt it in his face. He also respects his mother enough not to want to have sex in front of her face. Maybe you weren’t raised to respect anyone’s feelings but your own? :rolleyes:
Okay, I see what you’re saying, although in the nursing home case as well one has to heavily weight things the parent has done in the past, right?
Although if you look at this from a purely financial viewpoint, we had a good enough relationship with my parents that they paid for our wedding, so we came out ahead financially 
Fair enough. In my case BF and I agreed, early on, that the limit of influence was far higher before we got married than after.
I AM in Korea. 
I’ve given up on this thread. It really baffles me how things are so black and white for some people. Good luck, OP.
I’m trying to understand the Korean parents’ worldview. Sorry that you bowed out of the thread, HNC; your insights are among those I appreciate. I’m still trying to understand the idea that appearance is more important than reality. Does it really boil down to ‘do what you want, but make it look perfectly okay’?
I don’t know what you mean by “on par.” Their culture is certainly different from mine, naturally, since they are from a completely different country.
Is there a point you’re trying to make here?
It’s in reference to Japan, not Korea, but I suspect similar dynamics may be going on: you may want to take a gander at Tatemae vs. Honne
on par=the values have the same moral equivalance.
That is very interesting. Once again, I relearn how different things can be internally between different places. We are lulled by the superficial sameness of modern life; just because the roads, cars, and skyscrapers are similar doesn’t necessarily mean that the people are…
So you’d rather maintain contact with people who disaprove of you than your own mental health? 
Yeah, you don’t need to use that smilie, we already know you’re very confused by the issue.
Tell me about it. I took an American guy to a sumo match one day and was explaining something, and his automatic response was “That’s not right!”
I’d want to know if my cousin didn’t get into medical school, so I could call/Facebook, and console them, let them know it’ll turn out OK.
For people who’d willingly stay in contact with family members who bring you down: WHY! And I want an answer longer than/more specific than “they’re family”.
Why do you get this impression that they’re always being “brought down”? They’re not suffering continuous emotional abuse by their family members. This is just a cultural issue that they don’t see eye to eye on. If you haven’t gotten it so far, you probably won’t.
A number of posters here have opened up and discussed why their family members are important to them. Since you’re clearly asserting a minority view, why don’t you share some personal experiences and discussion of your own family relationships? If you’re demanding an answer, it may make it easier for others to frame it in terms you can understand.
It’s not smoking in your own home that is the issue. It’s smoking in front of your elders. There are things you just don’t understand about other cultures (Me too, of course, but I try to learn).
Sometimes. Obviously it would be better to do what your parents said and make it look like that, but appearances are more important than they are in Western culture.
Noo… I think what I’m saying is that my mental health is, overall, better when I’m in contact with people who disapprove of me and really love me than when I’m not. To a certain extent. I’d have better mental health with my husband and without my parents, if it came down to a choice between them (fortunately it never has), but as it is I have better mental health with them (and their love) plus their irrational demands that I do what they say, than without them and their demands.
Well, yeah. That’s part of why my sister was talking about it, and even more because of the circumstances she was kind of confused (I forget exactly how med school admissions work, but she was rejected from this school before one of the parts where they asked for money, and apparently candidates are almost never rejected until after they get money from them). As it turned out, my cousin knew someone on the admissions committee and found out my sister (and some others) had been incorrectly rejected. I think my sister may have even gotten rejected again later on in the process, but at a point that made a lot more sense so she wasn’t weirded out by it.
raspberry hunter-their irritional demands aren’t detrimental to your mental health? If true, you’re tougher than I am.