I ran across this website while googling a question on hermaphrodites in GQ, and this list of purported real world female behaviors intrigued me. I’m looking for men’s opinons about whether they feel these statements are true or BS in dealing with women.
Women either feel something sexually towards you from the start, or they never will. However, they might not show it on the first date, even if they feel it, and how much you ‘grope them’ probably wont effect it that much. Might even ruin things. So I’d say the first part is mostly true, the second part is just likely to either get you in trouble or laid depending upon the woman, but will have had little to do with whether or not you followed this advice.
In other words, it’s mostly out of your hands. I have been practically raped on first dates ( not that I minded), and I have dated women for long periods of time without anything more than a kiss going on. In all cases I presented myself the same way and made no moves of my own. I think in both cases, the woman subconsciously made her choice pretty quickly, but the ones who weren’t really interested wasted both our time trying to make themselves interested.
I dated one girl who’d I only see on weekends. Every friday she’s be cold, but by sunday she’d be very warmed up to me. A very confusing pattern that lasted a few months. I think she was trying to overcome her initial non-sexual subconscious reaction, but never could. Maybe it’s possible after a very long time, if both people don’t go insane.
So just be yourself and don’t try to force anything, it’s either fated to be or it’s not.
Well, one thing that is true about us is that we rarely do as we’re told. Why are you asking MEN how we behave.
No, none of what you quoted is true for “women” anymore than “men are dogs who lie to women and say they love them just to get laid” is true about men.
FTR, I was good friends, definite buddyhood with my former boyfriend for two and a half years before we started dating, then we dated for 7 years. And the sex was very very hot, no problems with “buddyhood” dampening the old libido in either of us. In fact, having been best friends added a very special element to our relationship, one I’d repeat again, in fact, repeat to the point where I wouldn’t do it any other way now when it comes to looking for a life partner.
Sorry couldn’t resist, don’t believe stereotypes, they’ll get you nowhere.
I second that, and I’m male (For what that’s worth. I can understand why you’d want specifically male opinions, but…meh)
Let’s all admit that anyone’s opinion here is talking in broad generalities. I know a guy who asked out a girl in our social group, and she told him not only that she didn’t feel that way, but that he was too skinny.
They now have two kids.
Well, to be fair, it is generally men who end up having sex with most sexually active women.
To the OP, um, of the few successes I’ve had, they strictly violated the rules as quoted.
Though, jerks do seem to be successful, no matter how much women wish to complain otherwise. (One night after a party I was in an apartment w/ some brothers and there was another guy there and some woman, they had never previously met, and he kept wadding up pieces of paper and throwing them at her. She acted annoyed and kept insulting him and calling him childish and demand that he stop. He didn’t. It wasn’t long before they were outside making out. That sort of thing seems suprisingly common.)
I’m not sure about the groping part. But it has been my experience that, for the most part, “nice guys don’t get laid.”
Case-in-point: My sister. She has had more boyfriends than I can count. She will not date “nice guys.” (I suspect they’re not “exciting” enough for her.) It is apparent by her actions that she prefers the “rough-n-tough” assholes. She constantly bemoans how she “can’t find a good guy,” yet the truth is that she doesn’t want a good guy.
Three of my female cousins are exactly the same way; they only date/marry assholes.
In high school I was the stereotypical nice guy, and rarely had a girl look my way. It quickly became apparent that the girls ignored the “nice” guys and flocked around the jerks. And the bigger a jerk the guy was, the more girls he got.
The same “rules” were also in effect at college. Two of my roommates treated women like complete shit, yet the women flocked around them. My engineering friends and I were of the “nice” variety (considerate, polite, etc.) and women never looked our way.
Anyway, that’s my admittedly pessimistic and cynical opinion based on 36 years of observations. I’m certainly not making a generalization; I have met women who genuinely wanted a “nice” guy, but they are in the minority. I also believe this behavior is most prevalent among American women born and raised in this country. Many women who emigrate to the U.S., particularly those from Asian cultures, do not seem to exhibit this behavior.
There’s some truth behind every stereotype.
By saying “Men only” you’re going to get a lot of women, especially those who are opposed to what is said in that article.
I’m with a nice guy. That’s exactly what attracted me, that he was very sweet and just plain nice.
I don’t date jerks. I don’t understand women who do.
Quite possibly, but the reason I wanted to get mainly men’s opinions on these statements is that these assertions reflect the attitudinal perspective and philosophy of a growing male sub-culture devoted to studying and understanding female behavior in order to get a date/get laid/be a player. This stuff has been around for a while now in the form of “How to get girls” and “how to be a player” instruction manuals and guides. The Ross Jefferies “Speed Seduction” genre is one of the largest players in this field. Ladder theory is also tangentially related to this perspective that women have a very different way of viewing he world than men do and that there is sometimes a significant disconnect between what they say, and what they do in terms of mate selection.
The premise of a lot of these manuals, instruction guides and techniques is that women do not tell the truth, even to themselves, in terms of what it takes to get a date with them, or go to bed with them. The pitch is generally that a lot of what of woman say is contradicted by what they do in terms of dating and mating and how they arrive at decisions to do both of these things.
These largely cynical philosophies have a large and eager audeince with men who feel that they are on the short end of the stick in terms of being able to attract and hold female attention and affection, and some of the seduction “gurus” that market these “unlock the secret” techniques are multi-millionaries via this philosophy, and even have groups of men paying hundreds to thousands of dollars each for small group seminars.
In this context I’m interested if men pursuing female attention and affection in the real world feel that the assertions offered in the OP have any real world validty.
I’m guessing that if it were phrased in a less contemptuous fashion, that idea would be a lot more palatable.
Is that better?
I’d say the OP is pretty well spot on. There are exceptions to every rule, but I’ve always noticed (as a nice guy) that being nice in general gets you nowhere. Initial reactions are pretty big for both sexes, I think most of us categorize members of the opposite sex as desireable or not in the first 5 seconds of meeting. If she doesn’t fancy you when you first meet, you aren’t getting anywhere.
Hmm, I’m actually impressed with that OP, I think (as far as stereotypes go anyway) that it has truth to it. Especially the touching thing, I guess that’s one reason I have had woman trouble in the past, maybe not agressive enough, not enough touching.
I’ve probably been scarred for life by my dating experiences, but now I’m a father, and am expected to say something wise to my teen-age sons. There are only two things I’ve ever thought were good enough to pass along to them:
Some girls try on guys like they try on clothes. They don’t know what they want, only that they want something else.
Girls like guys with self-confidence. They don’t like wusses. However, they don’t learn the difference between a self-confident guy and a jerk, or between a nice guy and a wuss, until they’ve dated for a long time.
Not sure that’s right: I just think that being a nice guy by itself isn’t particularly sexy. Combine niceness with being interesting and confident, and now you’re talking.
Plenty of very nice guys are having lots of great sex. But they don’t think that niceness is all it takes to be sexy.
Another woman butting in. That quote there, now. That’s exactly it. Wise indeed.
Left Hand of Dorkness’s is very good as well and on the same tangent in a way. OP’s quote sounds like a bit of a jerk and Dorkness’ version comes across as a confident guy.
Wow. :eek: Lot’s of truth on that page.
I’m madly in love with a “nice” guy. We have awesome sex, too.
Unfortunately, I had to go through a series of jerks before I was ready for him, but now that I have him I won’t turn back to the jerks.
Nice guys may finish last, but at least they finish.
I think you need to define what you are looking for.
Are you looking for a female to have sex with, or are you looking for a relationship with the potential to be longterm?
If you just want sex/shortterm relationship, then maybe NOT being Mr Nice Guy has it’s advantages, but be prepared to wonder what the heck happened when she wanders off with the next “interesting” guy.
But then, in the theme of stereotyping…
"All Men Just Want Sex" :smack:
I think we’re confusing “nice” with “unconfident”. I’m also a nice guy who was friends with my GF all throughout highschool. At first my GF didn’t give me a second glance (she always thought of me as a “nice nerd”). I was always the guy who you could talk to but not “dating material”.
I wasn’t very confident with myself. I had plenty of female friends who confided in me about asshole boy friends but I never was able to take our friendships to the next level. I was much more sucessful online where my looks wouldn’t be an issue (Asian guys normally get shafted by “white” girls) but I didn’t take those that far since all the women I met were in the states.
It wasn’t until my GF practically beat me over the head with the clue stick that I realized what she wanted and we haven’t been a part in 2 years.
Every “nice” guy that complains about not getting a girl is usually just lacking confidence when approaching a women…or is horrible disfigured