“I love you.”
“I love you, too.”
That’s an exchange of “I love you’s”, and it’s not a conversation. That’s all we do.
Could we please drop the sitting-in-front thing? I didn’t know it was rude. Now I do. I’ve apologized on the board for assuming that it wasn’t rude.
I will talk to Joe the next time I see him on AIM. (Can’t really get in touch with him any other way right now.) And I’ll apologize, and see where it goes from there. 
trublmakr, you are right. Women aren’t supposed to be the ones to make peace, ADULTS are. Sometime you (regardless of gender) have to just take the initiative and get the reconciliation started. It’s not about who is supposed to do it, it’s about who will do it.
Good Luck, StarsApart. I hope it all works out for you.
Everyone has said what I wanted to say, but I did want to the offer up the possibility that Joe may not like how his best friend acts around you.
Best Friend Guy is a different person from Fiance Guy.
I have a twin sister, and there isn’t another person in the world who I’m closer to. When I’m with her, we are usually on the same wave-length. I can anticipate what’s she’s going to say. We will laugh at stuff that’s not funny to anyone else. We can revel in the goofy-silliness that we’ve shared for our whole life.
But when my sister gets around her boyfriend, she’s different. She’s always handing his hand. Her every other word is “sweetie” or “baby” (ugh). If the two of us laugh at something, we have to explain to her guy why it’s funny…which makes it less funny. We can’t be as silly as we are when it’s just us alone. We can’t do the things we would normally do when he isn’t around. We can’t even fight in our “natural” way. Our twin-dom seems less solid, and I always come away feeling like our relationship will never be the same again.
It may be that before you came along, Joe and your fiance had a ton of fun carpooling together. Maybe they had awesome conversations or turned up the radio real loud or just acted like wild people. Maybe the number of these fun times have dropped off since your boyfriend has been dating you, and Joe is feeling salty about it.
The sitting-in-the-backseat stuff was probably the only thing he could really articulate in the heat of the moment.
He was definitely a jerk for driving off, though. And besides apologizing and promising to be more inclusive, I don’t know what else you could do to remedy the situation. Maybe give him flowers?
Oh and one more thing,
We expect an update after you talk to him.
Well, you could always try sitting up front with him… ( ducks, runs, avoids slings and arrows, etc. ) 
Seriously, you sound like a kind and thoughtful person.Let us know how this works out? It’s not your job cause you’re a woman, it’s your and fiancee’s job to work this out because you are both close with this man, and don’t want to lose that friendship. Best of luck with it !
OK, here’s how it went… we’re speaking right now actually. Hehe.
I said I had felt things were unresolved between us, even though I knew Joe and fiance had patched up. He said that even though he had forgiven me, he felt the same way. And then I blabbered on… I said I didn’t know if I’d be riding in his car again (just found out I’m getting a truck in two weeks. yay!) but that if I did, I wanted to know what he expected. I said one of us would sit up front, but I did want to be able to address my fiance (while still including him of course). I also said that I’d appreciate it if he let me know if something was wrong, if I hurt or offended him in some way, so that I could keep from doing it, and make amends for the transgression.
Of course, it probably came out much more awkwardly than that… it’s awkward patching things up. 
He said that the car thing was “a bizarre accident.” He said it had never bothered him enough to freak out like that, but other things were on his mind, and that he tends to take things out on his friends. As for future rides in the car, I don’t think I’m going to get an answer tonight. I’ve asked him point-blank “what would you like us to do if we ride in your car together?” and he’s evaded the question two times now. shrug That will have to wait to get resolved, I guess.
Sounds like you made a good start StarsApart. Good for you and good luck.
I’m not trying to make a reputation for myself on the board. I’m just trying to make myself giggle like a school girl whenever I can.
I apologize if you took serious offense to my jokes. It’s also too bad you think I’m using chauvinism as a way to impress people. That doesn’t make any sense. =p
It’s too bad you take no more notice of me. I could of been your Frank Burns to your Hawkeye Pierce. Sigh, maybe in another life.
Aww great. It all kinda went down the dumpster.
He refered to it as a “game.” A “skirmish.” He said he never took my cellphone or my keys (both lies, and he was aware he took them when he left) and besides that, left us in a large city. Sure, that’s all well and good, but the bus service doesn’t run to our hometown.
I’m just really angry right now. I want to get this resolved… but he hasn’t apologized for leaving us there. He’s continuing to justify his actions through lies.
He’s sick and I believe not to be trusted. Methinks either fiance or you is facing a tough decision.
Tell him you are too old for these types of games.
Has he offically, sincerly apologized?
Tell finace, (can we give Finace a name? StarsTogether?) that Joe isn’t going to be best man if Joe can’t act like a man.
Hmm, I like StarsTogether.
He apologized the day of the incident. At the time, I wasn’t able to accept it. I was emotional. But according to him, he wasn’t angry by the time he got to ST’s family’s house. Coulda fooled me…
I told StarsTogether I don’t want him in the wedding. He’s trying to figure out just what the whole mess was tonight. He wants to know every side before he makes a decision.
I just can’t stand it. This guy’s an Eagle Scout, a church volunteer. And he does stuff like this, and willingly admits he lashes out at friends? shakes head
Oh, just to clarify things–I was willing to forgive and forget today. I went in there with an open mind, aware of his previous apology. And everything he’s said today has told me he’s completely unapologetic.
StarsApart-
I am not sure who mentioned it before but it certainly doesn’t sound like me you are mature enough to get married at this point.
I for one can’t believe you didn’t realize sitting in the back seat of a car together leaving his friend up front alone is rude. Espicially if you are back there making kissy faces and making lovey dovey. If I had been Joe I don’t think I would look foward to driving the two of you around. Then again it isn’t really your fault as your friend should be the one sitting up front.
I personally also can’t believe you chose AIM as your method of speaking with Joe. You and Joe needed to have a heart to heart talk and you went with text messaging. Seriously what has happened to I want to talk can we meet at a coffee shop or something? Conversations like this should not be done on AIM or even over the phone yesh.
Apparently you have asked your fiancee to exclude his best friend from the wedding over a bizarre little tiff. This m’lady is a bad idea[sup]tm [/sup]. Go and speak with Joe and like another poster has mentioned apologize for your rudeness and try and smooth things over. Obviously him and your fiancee smoothed things over quickly I don’t see why you and him can’t.
treis, did you read all of the thread? How many times do I have to remind people I’ve apologized over the backseat thing, and we were not being lovey/dovey in the backseat?
AIM was the only way to speak with Joe at the moment. And he lied and was flippant about the incident. It’s not something that makes me have a lot of respect for a person.
shakes head man, what a weird situation…
and I just have to say that I find it bizarre that it’s so widely held as a social Never to sit in the backseat with your fiance. jeezus. I mean, I wouldn’t unless I hadn’t seen my SO in forever, but I certainly wouldn’t flip out about it if someone else did it. if it happened multiple times and it annoyed me, I’d be like “hey, could one of y’all sit in the front? I feel all lonely… playful pout”, and it’d be no problem. Joe handled his hurt feelings like a schizoid weirdo.
that said, unfortunately, he doesn’t seem like the type of cat to apologize, as that would acknowledge there was a problem, potentially extending the conflict when he’s already decided he’s over it. I’m sure he realizes he did wrong, and his way of making up for it is by just going directly into cool mode again with you… you might deserve an apology, but really, demanding one from this guy will only cause more hostility and resentment and weirdness. the best course of action, IMO, is just to find out what’s expected of you in the future and work out whether or not that’s acceptable. deal with everything else as it comes.
I’m going to buy you Hooked on Phonics.
Yes I did read the thread and you have apologized to the board a few times but in your summary of the conversation you did not say you apologized to him.
You can’t use AIM to set up a face to face meeting? I am sorry but it is nearly impossible to tell if someone is being “flippant” about something through text alone. From my perspective it certainly doesn’t seem like you are very interested in patching things up. It seems like you want him to apologize, you want him to tell you if something is wrong, you wan’t him to explain himself frankly you want him to do everything. If you went up to him and said something to the effect of I fucked up and can we make things better I bet he would have also apologized and it would have been done with.
You are asking him to prostrate himself in front of you which while it may not seem a lot it is. Men frankly are stupid, prideful and stubborn espicially young men. I have had bigger blow ups over even stupider things with my friends and all it takes is one person to apologize and it will be done with and forgotton. If one person went up to the other and demanded an apology the only thing that would have resulted is a new argument about the issue at hand.
At this point in the game it doesn’t matter who is wrong and who is right. The goal should be a friendly relationship with your fiancees best friend. You need to do whatever it takes to get that situation. Unfortunately you are not taking the correct steps to get there.
I did apologize to him, treis. I don’t think it’s too much to ask that if something does offend him, that he let me know. I’d let someone know if something hurt or offended me; I don’t expect people to realize it right away.
No, I couldn’t use AIM to set up a face to face meeting. Please realize that my situation, and his is such that it’s difficult right now. It’s just the way it is.
I’m not asking him to prostrate himself or anything like that. I apologized to him, requested that he let me know if I make a mistake in the future, and asked how he wants to handle the driving situation in the future. He never did answer that one. Instead, he lied to me, referred to what happened as a “game.” That, to me, is flippant.
A few years ago there was a song that had a line: “You can’t talk to a psycho like a normal human being.”
The sooner you realize this the easier your life will be.
Dude obviously can’t communicate, has real anger/temper problems, is immature, obnoxious, and obtuse, and sounds basically like a loser. Sounds like you tried to make amends. Don’t kiss his ass, or he will never respect you or your role in your fiance’s life. Let it go for now. Plan your response to the next incident.