Shrug I have no way of knowing what exactly you said but my impression of your summary is that you did not go hat in hand and ask for his forgiveness rather you expected him to.
Again not knowing your situation I don’t see how this is possible. You have spent time with him before, he lives in your hometown 30 minutes away and you go to the same university. Smoothing something over with your fiancee’s best friend at least to me is something you go out of your way and make time for.
There is something deeper going on here whether it is on his part or your part. Him and your fiancee have smoothed things over but for some reason you two are not able to. It certainly could be him but I don’t have any way of hearing his side of the story. All I hear is what you say he said with your impression of how he said it which often times in these cases is not accurate. Please don’t take any offense at that statement but everyone is prone to misunderstanding and can ascribe feelings to the other party that are not there. The only thing I can judge this on is your actions and what you have done. It certainly could be the case that it is him who is stopping you two from smoothing this over is all him but I don’t think you have gone about this in the right fashion.
StarsApart: In the midst of all the posters here that have mentioned how much you owe Joe an apology and how rude you were, you’ll find five or six of us that said this guy is a total jerk and that you didn’t do anything wrong. Your discourse with him today should illustrate that. At the risk of repeating myself from previous posts:
You don’t owe him any apology.
Don’t put yourself in the position where you have to ride in his car again.
Do whatever you need to do to cut this psyco loser off from you and StarsTogether.
The above may require some work on your part, but the results will be worth it.
I went in there wanting to make amends. I told Joe I was feeling awkwardness between us because of what happened. I apologized for riding in the backseat and said I or fiance would ride in the front in the future. I asked him how he wanted to handle any driving situations in the future. I did not get a response. My fiance did get involved.
Joe said what happened was a “bizarre accident” and that he has a “nasty habit of taking things out on my friends.”
He stated 3 times in the conversation that he was “over it” and in “no position to help [me].”
He stated that all he took with him was my dirty laundry and backpack. He actually took my overnight bag and ST’s things as well as my purse.
He said he didn’t take my cellphone or keys. He did.
He stated that he sees fiance as territory to be marked.
He said he either wants “in or out” and will not “compete” with me for ST’s attention.
He stated that he is consciously trying to “pry us apart.”
He says he sees life as a game, an “arbritrary situation with arbritrary rules.”
Obviously this situation is not going to end well. If I were you I would not try and force your fiancee to choose. That will just cause you a headache and much strain on your relationship. Let Joe be the one to try that it will eventually just blow up in his face. Better to have it blow up in his face then yours.
I wonder if that means he is going to try and urinate on your fiancee :).
Looks like Joe is even sicker than I thought. And absolutely not to be trusted.
I predict that you will not want a life that has Joe in it. If ST doesn’t also decide that he does not want a life that has Joe in it, somethings going to break. Good thing to figure out before the wedding.
OK, this is getting creepy, now. You’ve done everything you could to make amends & patch things up. He is:
straight out lying
admitting he’s got anger issues (takes it out on his friends?)
Trying to part you two.
And is trying to mark your fiance?
I take back what I said earlier. Perhaps he does have a thing for your fiance. If it is, it seems hot and heavy and best to be avoided.
You did just fine, StarsApart. I don’t think there’s an easy solution but thank your lucky stars (hee!) that you are getting a truck and hopefully needn’t ride with him again.
Word. As should be obvious by now, StarsApart, this guy has become irrational and unreasonable and is now, I suspect, actively engaged in trying to poison your relationship with StarsTogether. As I said previously, either Joe breaks you up now, or he forces your fiancé to make the unpleasant decision to choose you over him, which will gradually eat away at you until you break up later, at which point Joe can re-enter the picture. Either way, he wins and you lose. He’s treating this as a zero sum game; your fiancé will end up either with you or with Joe, and Joe will not accept a situation where he has to share.
The fact that your fiancé doesn’t recognize his need to take some responsibility in this situation is very bad. Your apparent unwillingness to force your fiancé to face his responsibility is also very bad. Two out of the three people in this triangle are trying to play nice, which means the guy who’s playing cruel is free to prevail.
Listen to my wife, who told you to listen to me.
Seriously: We know whereof we speak. This cannot end well unless and until you take a stand, with Joe and with your fiancé.
Did this conversation take place over AIM? If so did you save it? Could you show it to StarsTogether to illustrate why Joe’s behavior bothers you? If you could prove to your fiance that Joe has admitted trying to pry the two of you apart he might be more willing to exclude Joe from the wedding party.
You have a point but if the conversation took place in a written medium it avoids the he said/she said complication. SA goes to ST and tells him that Joe has admitted trying to break them up. ST goes to Joe and asks why he’s trying to do this. Joe, being a devious nutcase, replies that he never said any such thing and SA must have misunderstood him. And on and on… If ST and Joe have been good friends for a long time I’m sure that ST would rather believe that the whole thing is the result of a big misunderstanding. No one wants to believe that their friends would deliberately do something to hurt them.
After I mentioned that Joe was starting to make me angry (when he began saying the things I outlined above), ST asked me specifically what had happened, and asked to see the chat log so he could see what was going on–by then Joe and I had stopped talking. Then he spoke to Joe, who, he says, repeated the things above (especially “I can’t help her” and “I’m over it”).
ST called him on his lies, and Joe said he had forgotten most of the details of the incident. ST supports me and everything and has been talking to Dan. I don’t know where that’s gonna go though.
I’ll be with ST until Monday, I’m not sure if I’ll have the chance to check the board in that time. I’ll try though.
