How to gracefully bow out of stripper portion of bachelor party?

I am also a guy, and I detected no curiosity whatsoever on the OP’s part. I am vaguely curious about how it would feel, say, to burn my left hand off only because I have never experienced it before. This does not imply that I would go out of my way to have this experience.

I had a mild aversion to the idea of strip clubs, but ended up going one night with some out of town friends who were just dying to see what a real NYC strip club was like. NY strip steak for dinner, strip club for dessert. We went to a relatively upscale place on the west side: $40 gets you in the door, $12 to drink a bottled Corona, and $60 delivers a two minute grind.

It was one of the most unpleasant experiences of my adult life. The loneliness and desperation of the patrons was perfectly complemented by the revulsion of the dancers.

If this is the sort of thing you like, power to you. It takes all kinds. But if you have an aversion to this sort of thing sight unseen, the odds aren’t good that you will like it any better in the flesh. As it were.

My best friend got married last year, I was in the wedding party, and a bunch of old, dear friends whom I hadn’t seen in quite a while were at the bachelor party, most of which occurred at a strip club. I’m no fan of strip clubs (having never been in one before then, in fact), and neither was my then-girlfriend, but there was no good way to avoid the strip club portion of the party, as it was the first part of the revelry, the rest being conducted back at the hotel. I wound up going, but refusing any and all lap dances; if a stripper was especially persistent, I’d slap a 20 in her hand and point her in the direction of my friend, for whom the experience was essentially one four-hour-long lap dance.

It wound up not being that bad. Since we were in a large group in a semi-private room, and collectively dropped several thousand dollars there that night, I didn’t get hassled over my non-drinking and non-dance-receiving. I spent most of the time smoking some fine cigars and chatting with my friend’s brother, who also is no fan of strippers, got to practice my conversational Russian with a stripper who someone mentioned to her that I spoke it, and only had to shove a girl off my lap once.

Thanks for all the replies, folks. I still haven’t made up my mind, as I’m torn between attending just for the sake of my friend versus taking the open and honest approach and telling them it’s not my thing but I’ll catch up with them later. What I do for those few hours by myself, I don’t know. I guess I could just hang out at the casino. I do not intend to take the feigned illness approach, as I think my friend deserves either my honesty or my grudging acquiescence, but not my deception.

I did talk to my wife about it and, as I correctly understood previously, she’ll support whatever decision I make but of course should wouldn’t choose to have me end up in a strip club.

I have no problem with strip clubs. My husband and I went together and had a great time. I see nothing wrong with him caring about his wife’s feelings; nor do I have a problem with him not bending to her wishes. This is one of those delicate areas of a marriage that is solely up to the couple. While many guys would tell their wife that there’s nothing to worry about and go ahead and go, there are also those who would weigh the pain they’re causing their spouse and decide that watching a bunch of women prance around in their altogether simply isn’t worth the stress it would put on the wife. It’s not like he’s dying to go. Sounds to me like he’s so mildly curious that he really doesn’t care one way or the other.

Just tell them.

As a non-drinker, I’ve been both in situations where I ran afoul of some idiot whose reaction was “but you have, have, have to drink, you spoil my party if you’re not shitfaced” (some of those are in AA years later, some grew up, some are still like that) and in others where someone else was relieved to not be the only one. In general, people just say “oh, ok, one cocacola with cocacola…”

To the OP: are you asking for a way to bow out, or a way to bow out while still looking cool in front of your friends? They’re probably going to think you’re being a pussy either way, to be perfectly frank about it. If the bachelor wanted to go on rollercoasters all night or watch a horror film marathon and you decided to take a powder because you weren’t into it, they’d think the same thing. Plus it’s especially rude because this party isn’t about you and what you’d rather do. I hate Korean food but if my friend wants his birthday party at the Korean place and I ditch out because I don’t like the food, I’m being a dick. I go and try to order something without mushrooms or eggs, if that’s even possible.

But if tittay and beer are that disconcerting, just use the poverty defense. These places are expensive; you can easily drop half a grand on a modest night. Strippers are a luxury item and no one really faults you if you have to pass because your wallet is thin. Shit, half of them would probably rather be at home watching TV than pissing away money into a strip club to buy dances/BJs for someone else. So talk to the best man, assuming he’s organizing things, tell him you’re broke and ask him to give your regrets and make up your excuse for you. He thinks he’s saving you the embarrassment of being cheap. The thing to do here though is to pass a fifty to the best man and make sure the groom gets a good dance on you. Besides, it sounds like your friends are going to have a much better time without you there.

Its a bit harder to explain when your best man feels he has to replace the pair of underwear you lost in the club :smack:

It helps when your stag do mates express to your (or their own) wife how impressed they were at your “lack of response” to the dancers during the aforementioned underwear loss incident.

A total disregard for your own sense of dignity and a lot of alcohol (pre and post) also make life more bearable.

Si

I think I understand your real dilemma – you don’t want to the fellas to question your manhood (what red-blooded young male wouldn’t want to look at bare boobies?) or you don’t want to appear to insult them by being “above” a strip club.

The truth is that they’re probably not even going to give it another thought (unless you really do get a booty call, in which case you’ll be the envy of everyone, but you’d better make sure your girlfriend is in on the alibi so she doesn’t blow your cover.) By the time the second stripper grabs the brass pole, you will be the last thing on their minds. Just tell ';em, “Sorry, dudes, I’m not into strip clubs. Like drinking alcohol-free beer or decaffienated coffee – what’s the point?” Just tell 'em how you feel up front, make sure the strip club is the last stop and fade out just before that.

I’m feeling your pain, WhiteKnight. My sister is getting married in 30 days, and she is forcing me to do all kinds of things for HER BIG DAY that I have no interest in doing (and I usually get to pay for privilege, too). It’s hard to find the line between doing things for someone else’s BIG DAY, and politely declining because it just isn’t your thing. My sister is insisting on a spa day just before her wedding, for mothers and bridal party (she thinks it’s a treat for us - I guess she didn’t notice the complete lack of enthusiasm for it every time she asked us about it).

I would rather do just about anything else than spend a day at a spa - my feeling towards it is very similar to your feeling towards strip clubs - I’d just rather not go. My compromise is that I’m going to go in a limited capacity - rather than spending hundred of dollars on ridiculous treatments that I don’t care about, I’m getting the cheapest treatment on the spa menu and being there for my sister. I’m sure you’ll figure out your own compromise here.

First stripper you see, lean over to the groom and say, “Shit she really reminds me of your fiancee. I wonder if we can all get lap dances from her?”

At least the resulting fight would make for an interesting story later on.

My take is this. You are an adult. You have to do what is right for you, and because you are married, what is right for your wife. If your friends want to give you all sorts of grief because you made a decision that is right for you, flip them off and go home. You don’t owe them any explanation. In fact, if they are really good friends, they probably already have an inkling that you will not want to go, so it won’t be a huge surprise for everyone. And you are correct in stating that your friend deserves your honesty as you deserve his respect.

I also think it is wonderful that your wife’s feelings are so important to you. Some don’t give a rat’s ass what their spouse thinks. That is sad.

Or they know their spouse wouldn’t like it, so they do it and lie about it. Also sad.

What is that supposed to mean?

What part isn’t clear?

The part where you make the unfounded assumption that just by being there, he’s automatically going to lower the spirits and morale of everybody else.

Then the problem is us having different definitions of ‘unfounded,’ which to me means lacking a logical basis. But I call that an unfair characterization of my previous statement, as I do have a logical basis.

Theory: A guy in the corner, nursing a soda pop and pretending to be a chaperone so that no one will notice how uncomfortable he is in the titty bar is in fact a mild to moderate impediment to the group fully cutting loose and engaging in general revelry.

Method: Surveys conducted and observations made by a crack team of scientists.

Results: Highly rigorous research, the results of which were released just a few hours ago, lends serious support to this cutting-edge theory.

As we can see on Group Fun Factor Graph C-11, the presence of such an uptight individual with a ‘strategic’ seat has been rated a “downer” by well over 93% of all strip club enthusiasts, and that 79% of respondents said they wished that the individual would “chillax and stop acting like a mall cop on shoplifter patrol.” A whopping 88% of all respondents said they wished that Captain Schweppes would smile and order something that cost actual money so the waitress and top dancers would stop avoiding their table like the effing plague. Fifty-four percent of all respondents referred to said individual as “Dad,” and wished he had stopped fiddling with his cellphone and pretending not to be impressed by that amazing gyrating ass, right over there. A surprisingly generous 22% of those surveyed said they would donate a portion of their leftover funds to buy the guy a commemorative fannypack.

Now. Let’s consider Pie Chart G (that’s in Appendix H, people) where we can see that a vast majority of the OP’s posting on topic suggests that he views strip clubs as negative locales which he does not intend to enjoy, and let’s also take particular notice of the OP’s characterization of the strip club environment as “distasteful” and “smarmy.” When we compare Graph C-11 to the results of Pie Chart G, the scientific conclusion is foregone: his attendance will sufficiently resemble that of the aforementioned “downer” so as to present a ‘Revelry Barrier’ at an estimated strength of somewhere between “Mild” to “Moderate”. Such a barrier does not normally mean that the others would prefer he not be present, HOWEVER we must heed the OP’s mentioning that he only keeps “in loose touch with this group of friends but we don’t usually see each other more than once or twice a year.” Such ties being relatively tenuous, their affection for his eccentricity is not likely to be outweighed by the effect of his Revelry Barrier. The presence of a large number of people may ameliorate these individual effects, however we must not become overly optimistic.

Warning: Should more than one of these individuals show up for the party, they may join together and generate what researchers are tentatively calling a “Non-Event Horizon,” comprised primarily of pure social awkwardness and inhibition, from which no fun can escape. All those in the affected area are guaranteed a safe ride home, however.

For further validation of these results, I refer you to Group Strip Club Experience Chart F, where we can see “Prof. Grossbottom” under the category of “Vast to Excessive,” cross-correlated with “Number of Bachelor Parties Successfully Executed,” which is “3,” and “Bachelor Parties Attended” which is “Beyond Reckoning but Probably Too Many.”

My ‘assumption’ is therefore perfectly well-founded, though you are of course free to publish your own findings.

::stands, weeping::

::claps::

I’m always sceptical of research done by scientists on crack.

Otherwise, good work Grossbottom!

This attitude strikes me as absolutely ridiculous. Going against your better judgment to accept an invitation to a social event that you know will be awkward, boring, or even offensive to your sensibilities doesn’t do the guest of honor any good – enduring the event with gritted teeth is more likely to deflate the occasion for everybody else than enhance it. These quotes make it sound like refusing to help out a friend when he really needs you to deal with some emergency.