Conclusion: All concerned would have been better off if the subject had ignored the nonsensical notion that “[he’s] being a dick” if he had simply bowed out to begin with.
“enduring the event with gritted teeth”? Sorry, I didn’t realize it was tantamount to a root canal, just that it wasn’t the OP’s bag, baby.
I guess we just have different impressions of what we’d do for a friend.
Now you know. For some guys the experience would be extremely unpleasant.
By the way, my definition of “being there for a friend” does not include buying him lap dances at a stripper dive. Let’s not act like the dude’s in the hospital.
That’s precisely my point. Unless your friend has some perverse desire to be surrounded by people who would rather be somewhere, anywhere, else, you aren’t doing anything for him by showing up.
I was halfway through writing this treatise on how functional adults are able to suppress things like distaste, boredom and even offense in the furtherance of socially interacting with their peers, and that such behavior far from being nonsensical, and is in fact a part of our ability to form a society in the first place. But then who would I be kidding?
It’s Friday I’m going outside man, woohoo.
Once my busy social calendar clears up, I’ll get to work on my own treatise on how subjecting people to distateful situations, boring them, and offending them for trivial reasons are not normally associated with the art of cultivating and maintaining friendships.
But… but… I was about to invite you to spend the weekend inside sorting a stamp collection. You don’t want to? Aren’t you my friend [lip quivers]…?
To the guys saying that there’s zero chance of scoring with a stripper… what about lap dances? Basically, a guy sits there while a girl grinds on his dick. He can’t touch her, but she sure touches him. Some men apparently get off from this, not surprisingly. Is this considered “not scoring”? Sure, it’s not sex, but it’s something.
Are most women would be OK with their SO getting a lap dance? I would think not, but I could be wrong about this. Might be this is the source of a lot of women’s discomfort with their man going to a strip club. Looking at other women’s tits is fine with me, as long as you just look and don’t touch or get touched, but having a girl writhing on your lap for an extended period? Nope. Sorry.
I guess we’re at the point in the thread where I can say I wouldn’t be happy with my husband going to a strip club at all. Not because of the nudity (I would probably go to a nude beach with him, or he could go without me, I don’t much care) but because of the moral skeeviness of strip clubs. The women and the men are all objectified (the women for their bodies, the men for their wallets), and I just don’t like that. It’s undignified and low. So no, no lap dances for either of us. He knows I feel like this, and if he had to go to a strip club for a bachelor party, we would have a discussion about his attendance - if he really wanted to go, I wouldn’t stop him (he’s an adult, and I don’t tell him what to do), but I don’t think he would particularly want to go himself.
On the subject of rudeness/being there for him, we can tell you it’s rude or fine not to go till the cows come home, but it only really matters what your friend would think. So what do you think he would think? Is he a highly-offended-if-everyone-doesn’t-go-exactly-with-my-plan-groomzilla type? Would he notice that you were there for everything else?
I didn’t want to be the first to talk about the moral skeeviness and objectified thing. But since it is brought up. What is so attractive and exciting about a woman faking arousal while grinding on your lap. Those who go to strip clubs really don’t think they enjoy it, right?
Also, there comes a day when it is time to stop pleasing your friends above all else. Are you afraid of being called “chicken”? Get over it.
Well, if he has that groomzilla attitude, he isn’t really extending any respect or friendship to the OP, and I don’t see why the OP shouldn’t feel free to return the “favor”.
I’m sure its possible to get off from a lap dance but it would be very unlikely. First of all the last thing the strippers want is for you to get off while they are grinding on you, so you can bet that if they notice anything they are going to pull away or change strategy. Secondly, nobody with a regular sex life is going to be horny enough to get off just from someone grinding on them for a couple minutes. A lap dance is supposed to be nothing but a tease, i understand if you still wouldn’t like your SO getting one but it shouldn’t be because you think its just like sex with clothes on because its not, far from it really.
Why would they care? They’d probably get more money out of you.
Then what is the point of it? And why would you pay for something like that?
It’s a sexual act, even though it’s not sex. No one else should be bouncing around on my SO’s dick but me, whether he gets off from the lap dance or not. I suspect most women in monogamous relationships feel the same way, though maybe I’m wrong about that. In any case, not OK with me. I trust my SO not to get one if he does go to a strip club, though he seems not to be interested in it for his bachelor party, and his best man would be too broke to fund a shindig like that, so it’s a non-issue.
Would you care if some strange man came on you? Strippers aren’t prostitutes, they don’t want a strangers bodily fluids on them.
Beats me, im personally not a big fan and i don’t know why anyone getting regular sex would want to hang out at a strip club or get a lap dance.
If you don’t like it then you don’t like it, and theres nothing wrong with that. If he goes to a strip club for his own bachelor party i would be pretty surprised if he didn’t get one though. All my experience with strip clubs comes from friends bachelors parties, and usually the main event is the groom being put on stage with two or more strippers and getting a lap dance. Its usually more embarrassing than a turn on but its part of the fun, and the point is certainly not getting them off.
Why is this so hard?
The peeler bar will surely be near the end of the evening, much booze will be consumed prior.
It’s likely to be smokey and poorly ventilated.
Order a beer, drink half of it, smiling all the while.
Look a little green around the edges, rise, say, “I think I need some fresh air!”
Don’t worry, if you choose your moment wisely, no one will even hear your words or notice you’re gone. They have been drinking and now there are naked women! Get real, no one will even see you leave.
Once outside the building, grab a cab back to your hotel.
No lies get told, (You did need some fresh air!), no scene was made, no positions had to be defended, no street cred lost, no bringing down the group vibe, etc.
Your personal views are just that, personal. You do not need to share them or explain them, only live them.
Very true. Very true. I thought about that when I wrote that line. sigh 
I think you should go, then leave before the strip club.
It’s not a big deal. I went to a party once where folks went across the street to smoke marijuana, and I didn’t go with them. I don’t drink but I’ll still go to parties. They’ll probably have more fun without you sitting in the corner looking uncomfortable anyway.
It’s not like you’re the Justice League and they need your bat-gizmos to safely navigate the titty bar. Have your fun and take off while you’re still in a good mood. If you feel like lying to cover it up, do that. If not, whatever.
I’d think the pants and underwear would prevent fluids from touching anyone but the guy himself. Which is totally his problem, not hers.
Probably true. And he knows that would not be OK with me. He also says he doesn’t want to go to strip club for his bachelor party, and if he does, he shouldn’t tell me if he gets a lap dance, 'cause I’d be pissed off.
You’re quite likely right about the embarrassment being greater than the turn on in most cases. I still think it’s pretty gross. A club around here was shut down a couple of years ago because the lap dances were considered too… arousing. In that, they were considered sex acts and the bar was closed for prostitution. It was never clear to me how far the lap dances at that place went, or how common it was for them to go that far. But it makes me uncomfortable to think my SO would be getting one. That’s just me.
Tell your buddies that you prefer not to attend. If they are truly your buddies, they will respect your decision even if they do not share it. If they are offended by your decision, then they are too immature to waste time over.