I never doubted that for one moment. Your own conduct is a beautiful example.
lacarus, are you seriously suggesting that any friend moving in with another friend pre-emptively make sure they know there will be no action to be had?
That’s so freaking egotistical it’s not even funny. “Yeah, so uh, just so we’re clear, this hot bod? Totally off limits sweetheart…”
The hell? I would feel morally obligated to humiliate the hell out of anyone who said that to me, just to pre-emptively avoid the danger of any moster sized ego’s getting out of hand and possibly strangling any small children.
:rolleyes:
Eh hem.
That would be any monster sized egos.
I wonder how big a “moser” sized ego would be, anyway…
IMO, the way to handle it is what you hit on in your last paragraph – bring up about having made moves on female friends and been rejected, and remaining friends with them. That way, he knows you’re also seeing it from his perspective. Then get into the moodiness – which may not necessarily be related to your turning him down; coincidences do happen, and some other stuff may be pissing him off at the world generally (to which the embarrassment with you was one additional straw).
If he can’t handle the idea of sharing an apartment with someone who won’t have sex with him, then his worldview is much more screwed up than you had any reason to believe.
(As has been dissected at inordinate length already, it’s also worthwhile to check out his perception of the turned-down pass, too – he may have misunderstood what you meant as letting him down gently as a total rejection – see some of the posts about hurt feelings our gay members have had and expressed about statements by other, straight people made in actual innocence.
A similar thing happened to me some years ago, Greathouse. Fortunately or otherwise, I have not maintained contact with a former roommate of mine who asked me for sex a half-dozen times or so in a rather short time period - 15 minutes or so, if memory serves.
Not long after, hostility toward me started to get palpable. There were other things at work, to be sure. I thought I handled things as diplomatically and firmly (heh) as I could, but the issue to him (which is not completely the same as yours, though I think they are related) was that I rejected him in his time of need, so to speak.
He may well be embarassed by what he did and is employing this method, consciously or otherwise, to deal with it. There are a variety of possibilities.
Icarus, I just wanted to let you know that I don’t want you to fuck me in the ass. I hope that’s OK with you and that we can still be freinds.
Also, if you don’t mind, I’d greatly prefer it if you didn’t suck my dick, or even playfully nuzzle my ballsack.
Actually, even kissing (with or without tongue) and long, lingering embraces are things I’d rather do without. I hope you don’t mind me saying this; I just wanted to set the boundaries with you advance so you didn’t get the wrong idea.
And of course there was nothing flip or snarky about this:
Emphasis mine.
Why would or should there be any expectation of sexual activity between two strangers - or, to be more general, two people who are not in a non-platonic relationship of any sort? Why is it so necessary to insist on no sex when no sex of any sort has been broached as a topic? Certainly you don’t operate under the ludicrously naive belief that non-hets have no preference/taste when it comes to sexual partners? That we’ll just say “Eh, fuckit, s/he isn’t hideous.” I promise my grading rubric is ever so slightly more significant than that;)
Oh, come off it. From your own post:
Again, emphasis mine. You highlighted nothing about this gay man in particular, just proclaiming that the OP’s willingness to co-exist with a gay man was taken as a signal by same gay man. Furthermore, let us examine this part of one of your posts again:
A generalization set up to parallel the situation in the OP, implying that every woman, since you’d do the same, should do as listed above.
Oh, and by the way: I may enjoy men, but I don’t enjoy you, whoever or whatever you are. Please do not avail yourself of the next - or any - opportunity to come over and get some hot punha loving. See, cuz just because you have genitalia … means fuckall when it comes to me wanting sex. I promise my criteria are more specifically selective than “exists,” and I suspect the OP’s roommate is more selective than “has cock, will lay.”
BTW, I’d love to see the look on your female roommates’ faces when you specifically said you weren’t looking for sex. Not everyone lacks the self-control required to refrain from ripping your clothes off and shoving your cock inside the nearest pleasure hole.
No, no, don’t thank me. Fighting ignorance and all that.
mhendo, I’m impressed.
Solid, no, SOLID advice.
Good going.
You say that like you’re surprised! 
Take this,
FilmGeek
“Did you have many many beers too? Maybe you weren’t as nice as you think you were.”
And this,
lissener
“I’ve had recreational sex with more than one straight guy, and they’re still straight after the experiment. They just went for a ride to check out the scenery.”
I don’t know about the guys you hang out with, but when me and my buds get together for some beers, it is VERY SELDOM that we end up having recreational sex.
Likewise when I hang out with women I am not married to it is VERY SELDOM I solicit unwanted sex. Or wanted sex even. Fucks sake I am married. It’s not that I dont want to, it’s just that I have a fucking sence of decency.
All I got to say is you got to start picking your crowd better. If anyone I associate with ever got so far out of line, he’d be lucky to escape with a broken jaw.
Call us redneck mokes or whatever, we have rules of behaviof.
This is not going to go well for you.
Obviously, if he’s getting laid instead of broken jaws, he’s already picked the right crowd.
Matt,
Can’t argue there.
What I am stating is among my crowd of friends, hitting on someone who dont wan’t it is a no no.
But then again I am just an old straight white guy, what the fuck would I know.
Perhaps in the new enlightened world you and miller live in, sexual inuendo is laughed off, no matter what the circumstance.
Shit I, off to try it, on my buddy’s (the marine) wife.
Oh and matt.
I know me and you have had our moments, but during my self imposed exodus of these boards. (I read but did not post) I gained new respect for you from some of your writings.
I didn’t want to look like I was stalking so I waited till you talked to me directly.
I appreciate it, Evil.
I’m sure you can understand that situations are different between that group of lissener’s friends that he mentions, and that group of yours that you do.
I know many groups of gay and lesbian friends that are far, far from the realms of the sexual, and many groups of straight friends between whom casual sex is the norm.
It really comes down to context.
In fact yea I do. And therin Lies the problem.
One minite I see real genius in your generation, the next, nothing but lazy fucks bitching about how the establisment fucked everthing up… oh my fucking god I’m my fucking dad.
Heh, I take comfort knowing it will happen to you as well.
Um…yeah. Let me know how this goes for ya. I suspect hard. And not in a good way.
And out of curiosity, Evil Ghandi…if a female friend of yours proposed a liason, would you break her jaw too? Or is the broken-jaw-threat an Unequal Opportunity threat?
grienspace, that is what I was thinking! It happens all the time in male-female relationships. “She was leading him on, but she wouldn’t put out. She’s an evil bitch.” :rolleyes: Feel bemused contempt.
Ok, first off, sorry for not responding quicker, but the Ineternet at the house is being installed on Monday so I couldn’t post from home last night.
Now then, I spoke with my roommate last night. He apologized for being a dick the past week. He said that I was the first guy he hit on since moving here a couple of years ago from England. He said that he was just really upset and depressed that he was still alone. Then he was emabrrassed about hitting on me and then for getting upset in the first place.
He apologized and we talked and now everything seems cool. We sat up drinking beer, joking and playing XBox last night so it seemed like everything was cool. We may go down to Dallas this weekend and do some bar hopping. Maybe he can get a hookup while we are out, I dunno. All I know is that things seemed ok last night. I suggested that he go on line and see if he can find out any information about the gay community in Denton and/or Dallas.
He also said that he understood I was not gay and that us moving intogether was not seen as a “signal”. He said that he was just really lonely and drunk that night. I told him that was fine, but lets not do that again so that we don’t find ourselves in these roles again. He agreed. He also said that I was not a dick when I said thanks, but no thanks. SO HA!!! I knew I wasn’t an asshole. 
Sorry if this post has rambled on, but I haven’t had any coffee yet.